I know its been awhile since I posted a real post. I just now started feeling better.
I slept for two entire days basically. I don't have much to say yet. I don't know why,
I am still in a lot of pain and Billy is still by my side even though I am a lunatic right now.
He has been taking care of making dinner and making sure the kids do their chores.
Then he wasn't feeling well either there for a day or two,
Thankyou everyone for your comments. I appreciate the sentiment,
And yes Phyllis the wedding will be here in Washington we just aren't quite sure where yet.
And since it really isn't all that far off we really need to get moving on these plans of ours.
I hope everyone is doing well and I will try to get around to visit within the next day or two.
Got a lot to do, including getting better. I will post something more later maybe even tomarrow but it may just be a week. I haven't really felt much like getting online at all.
Love to all......
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
MY BILLY
This is the amazing and wonderful man who has been by my side twice now as I lay in a hospital emergency room unable to breathe and freeking out. Cussing out nurses and throwing oxygen
masks and anything else attached to me that overwhelmed me. He calmly dealt with it all and just by looking me in the eyes and talking softly and holding me he helped me breathe better. Kept the PAIN at bay as much as any human possibly can just by being present in the room.
He dealt with my outbursts with calmness and understanding and for that I am so greatful.
I love you MR. Billy!!!!!
Not up to posting much, Billy got out thursday morning. I went to the hospital Wednesday night and friday afternoon and today with severe anxiety attacks due to inability to breathe do to bronchitis and an infection in the bone of my sternum compliments to my first ex husband who broke it about 14 years ago. Need sleep. Still alive, more late. sorry and I love you all,
Not up to posting much, Billy got out thursday morning. I went to the hospital Wednesday night and friday afternoon and today with severe anxiety attacks due to inability to breathe do to bronchitis and an infection in the bone of my sternum compliments to my first ex husband who broke it about 14 years ago. Need sleep. Still alive, more late. sorry and I love you all,
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Friday, March 03, 2006
Running around like a chicken with my head cut off
Today is going to be a busy day. Right now I am at Veronicas for about long enough to post this. I gotta come back later to finish my blankets and pillows. Then I gotta visit Billy at 2:00 YAY!!
Then run home and get my couch out of my house, clean the carpets and do laundry and clean the kitchen. Then I gotta go get Sharon, try to stop by mouses for a few and then I still need to do a bunch of stuff at home and then go out tonight to Rockos to watch my favorite band.
Sheesh. Then tomarrow, if Sharon doesn't come tonight I gotta go get her then. But I still have to do a whole bunch of cleaning, visit Billy again YAY!!!!! And go grocerie shopping. Shit I also have to find time somewhere to make dinner for my kids in the middle of everything else tonight. Maybe I will pick up some cans of soup and a loaf of bread and they can have soup for dinner. It won't hurt them none, they all love soup.
I just need to find more time in the day. I am so freeking tired from not sleeping.
I got pulled over last night for running a red light. There was a stater right next to me. We both laughed about it, but man, I never do that!!! I laughed all the way home. Thankful I didn't get a ticket and didn't hurt anyone. I went through it really slow though because I was already stopped at it, and was looking at the light ahead that turned green so I went.
Anyway, I gotta jettola.
More later if I am awake.......
HELLO EVERYONE!!!! You are all loved so very very much. I swear I will get around to everyone soon.
Then run home and get my couch out of my house, clean the carpets and do laundry and clean the kitchen. Then I gotta go get Sharon, try to stop by mouses for a few and then I still need to do a bunch of stuff at home and then go out tonight to Rockos to watch my favorite band.
Sheesh. Then tomarrow, if Sharon doesn't come tonight I gotta go get her then. But I still have to do a whole bunch of cleaning, visit Billy again YAY!!!!! And go grocerie shopping. Shit I also have to find time somewhere to make dinner for my kids in the middle of everything else tonight. Maybe I will pick up some cans of soup and a loaf of bread and they can have soup for dinner. It won't hurt them none, they all love soup.
I just need to find more time in the day. I am so freeking tired from not sleeping.
I got pulled over last night for running a red light. There was a stater right next to me. We both laughed about it, but man, I never do that!!! I laughed all the way home. Thankful I didn't get a ticket and didn't hurt anyone. I went through it really slow though because I was already stopped at it, and was looking at the light ahead that turned green so I went.
Anyway, I gotta jettola.
More later if I am awake.......
HELLO EVERYONE!!!! You are all loved so very very much. I swear I will get around to everyone soon.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
sorry that I haven't been around to visit much. There is just a lot going on right now.
Will try to get around to everyone sometime this week might be monday though.
Had a rough day, I fell down and really hurt myself good. Got to see Billy though although it was on a computer monitor and I couldn't touch him, I got to hear his voice and see his face.
We miss eachother very much. All in all it wasn't a bad birthday, Auini made sure that I will have a scar on my left knee to commerate the occasion. I think I might end up going to the er.
I am still awake at this most godly hour because of pain not just because I am missing Mr. Billy.
I LOVE HIM SO FREEKIN MUCH IT HURTS!
Will try to get around to everyone sometime this week might be monday though.
Had a rough day, I fell down and really hurt myself good. Got to see Billy though although it was on a computer monitor and I couldn't touch him, I got to hear his voice and see his face.
We miss eachother very much. All in all it wasn't a bad birthday, Auini made sure that I will have a scar on my left knee to commerate the occasion. I think I might end up going to the er.
I am still awake at this most godly hour because of pain not just because I am missing Mr. Billy.
I LOVE HIM SO FREEKIN MUCH IT HURTS!
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
***************
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY TO ME
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY TO ME
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEE EEE
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
TO
ME.
I would like to take a moment to apologize to my mother for puting her in so much pain 35 years ago today.
Sorry moo. I love you!
Thank You Tannis and Moo for the great gifts this year. I appreciate it more then I could ever say.
*****
I hate getting older but I may as well do it gracefully.
Otherwise I am doing ungracefully and I just can't have that now can I.
I get to go visit Billy in jail today though!!! YAY!!!
BIRTHDAY TO ME
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY TO ME
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEE EEE
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
TO
ME.
I would like to take a moment to apologize to my mother for puting her in so much pain 35 years ago today.
Sorry moo. I love you!
Thank You Tannis and Moo for the great gifts this year. I appreciate it more then I could ever say.
*****
I hate getting older but I may as well do it gracefully.
Otherwise I am doing ungracefully and I just can't have that now can I.
I get to go visit Billy in jail today though!!! YAY!!!
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Missing Billy
I am laying in bed watching tv and all I can think about is Billy. Its is 3:07 am.
I know he is only going to be gone for thirty days and I know I can go visit him sometimes.
But he is not HERE. He is in jail, no freedom. Can't even smoke a cigarette. Maybe they will do something about his tooth though. I don't even know if he knows he can see the dentist while he is in there. I got used to him being around. I never thought I would want another man in my life until I met him. I really thought that there was no way I could fit another person into my life.
Or that I could fit all of my life into another persons. It is amazing to me how easily we meshed.
Everything just came together just like that.
I miss him so much.
I know that their are people out there missing their partner for much longer then I have or will be missing mine because their partner is in the military. I really don't know how they deal with it except for one day at a time.
My hat goes off to them.
I know our situation is nothing like theirs but that doesn't make it easier.
Or less.
Just different.
I miss him so much. And I am so tired. I got a lot of stuff done today in a short amount of time.
Stress cleaning.
I guess it can be a good thing.
It will come in handy in the next few days. Poor Billy won't recognize the place when he gets back. I am sitting here racking my brain on how to pay things. I have to pay my phone bill. It is the only way the kids schools have getting ahold of me.
Or me them, or the doctor or 911 or anything like that.
I can't afford the freezer payment so on the seventh that will have to go back.
I don't know what to do about the rest. I still have pud and rent and cable and and and and.
Not to mention dog food cat food crickets fish food bird food. ARRGGGG.
That doesn't include dish soap garbage bags, shampoo razors and stuff like that.
I am not supposed to work because of my health. But I really don't see how I have any other choice. I need to get something at least temporary until Billy gets out of jail. Or I need to rob a bank or something. No I won't do that. I promise, I don't need to join Billy in jail. And knowing my luck I would try to rob a bank with a police officer in the next line. Seriously thats how things work out when I try to be bad to the bone.
So I think I will just behave myself try to find a job and go to volunteers of America just in case.
I don't know what they can do for me but I need to have back up of some kind.
Billy has just gone to jail at the wrong time. we were depending on his income to pay the bills and stuff. He will be in their on my birthday too. I will be 35 this wednesday and I don't wanna.
Especially if Billy can't be with me.
This just bites.
I know he is only going to be gone for thirty days and I know I can go visit him sometimes.
But he is not HERE. He is in jail, no freedom. Can't even smoke a cigarette. Maybe they will do something about his tooth though. I don't even know if he knows he can see the dentist while he is in there. I got used to him being around. I never thought I would want another man in my life until I met him. I really thought that there was no way I could fit another person into my life.
Or that I could fit all of my life into another persons. It is amazing to me how easily we meshed.
Everything just came together just like that.
I miss him so much.
I know that their are people out there missing their partner for much longer then I have or will be missing mine because their partner is in the military. I really don't know how they deal with it except for one day at a time.
My hat goes off to them.
I know our situation is nothing like theirs but that doesn't make it easier.
Or less.
Just different.
I miss him so much. And I am so tired. I got a lot of stuff done today in a short amount of time.
Stress cleaning.
I guess it can be a good thing.
It will come in handy in the next few days. Poor Billy won't recognize the place when he gets back. I am sitting here racking my brain on how to pay things. I have to pay my phone bill. It is the only way the kids schools have getting ahold of me.
Or me them, or the doctor or 911 or anything like that.
I can't afford the freezer payment so on the seventh that will have to go back.
I don't know what to do about the rest. I still have pud and rent and cable and and and and.
Not to mention dog food cat food crickets fish food bird food. ARRGGGG.
That doesn't include dish soap garbage bags, shampoo razors and stuff like that.
I am not supposed to work because of my health. But I really don't see how I have any other choice. I need to get something at least temporary until Billy gets out of jail. Or I need to rob a bank or something. No I won't do that. I promise, I don't need to join Billy in jail. And knowing my luck I would try to rob a bank with a police officer in the next line. Seriously thats how things work out when I try to be bad to the bone.
So I think I will just behave myself try to find a job and go to volunteers of America just in case.
I don't know what they can do for me but I need to have back up of some kind.
Billy has just gone to jail at the wrong time. we were depending on his income to pay the bills and stuff. He will be in their on my birthday too. I will be 35 this wednesday and I don't wanna.
Especially if Billy can't be with me.
This just bites.
Monday, February 27, 2006
I don't know what I am gonna do
Billy went to jail, he will be there for thirty days due to a probabtion violation.
I don't know how I am gonna pay my bills. I'll figure it out. I always do. I just feel really bad for Billy. He is very upset with himself right now. Please pray for him.
I don't know how I am gonna pay my bills. I'll figure it out. I always do. I just feel really bad for Billy. He is very upset with himself right now. Please pray for him.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Friday, February 24, 2006
Memories More
Today memories have been swimming in my head like otters.
Frolicking in the waves of the ocean in my warped mind like dolphins.
Earlier I had a great memory of our cabin. Sitting on the old steps with Renae and Vicki ( my sister). We were watching the adults sitting on the deck. Mostly men. And they were drinking beer and shooting crows.
The crows were falling from the sky like black rain. I remember distinctly how there beautiful feathers would shine and glisten as they fell. I know it sounds strange to say that this was a good memory.
But it wasn't the mass murder of a murder of crows that was the good part, although trying to tell the starlings and sparrows that would be difficult.
The good part is remember the smell of the wind, and the cocunut oil on my skin and the skin of my sister. The salt water in our hair. Smoke from the fire not to far away. The smell of dinner cooking in the kitchen and the bbq.
The good part is remembering how much all those people loved and cared about us kids. How much they loved and cared about each other.
All the funerals I have been to in the past five years have been for people I grew up knowing from the cabin and super bowl parties and ice skating on the lakes if it was cold enough. From crab feeds and trips to the Ocean at Copalis Beach in Washington to go clam digging.
Most of the kids I grew up are all far away and living there own lives.
The only time I see them is at weddings and funerals. Which sucks.
* I swear I am going to invite all of them to come to our wedding just so that I can see them!*
I miss them so much sometimes.
My family adopted Kelli now. Both her parents are gone.
Her mother died when she was 11 or so and her dad passed away two years ago. I am proud to say that she is my sister. Even if she was 37 when we adopted her!
As you all know we just buried one of the most pivotal people in my life.
Dottie. I still miss her . She has come around here and there though to remind me know she didn't really go any where.
I would like to say hi to Kim, Ginger, Susie, Stevie, Andy, Missy, Wally, Lief, Renae, Kelly, Stacy, Lee, and Todd.
I miss you guys!
Frolicking in the waves of the ocean in my warped mind like dolphins.
Earlier I had a great memory of our cabin. Sitting on the old steps with Renae and Vicki ( my sister). We were watching the adults sitting on the deck. Mostly men. And they were drinking beer and shooting crows.
The crows were falling from the sky like black rain. I remember distinctly how there beautiful feathers would shine and glisten as they fell. I know it sounds strange to say that this was a good memory.
But it wasn't the mass murder of a murder of crows that was the good part, although trying to tell the starlings and sparrows that would be difficult.
The good part is remember the smell of the wind, and the cocunut oil on my skin and the skin of my sister. The salt water in our hair. Smoke from the fire not to far away. The smell of dinner cooking in the kitchen and the bbq.
The good part is remembering how much all those people loved and cared about us kids. How much they loved and cared about each other.
All the funerals I have been to in the past five years have been for people I grew up knowing from the cabin and super bowl parties and ice skating on the lakes if it was cold enough. From crab feeds and trips to the Ocean at Copalis Beach in Washington to go clam digging.
Most of the kids I grew up are all far away and living there own lives.
The only time I see them is at weddings and funerals. Which sucks.
* I swear I am going to invite all of them to come to our wedding just so that I can see them!*
I miss them so much sometimes.
My family adopted Kelli now. Both her parents are gone.
Her mother died when she was 11 or so and her dad passed away two years ago. I am proud to say that she is my sister. Even if she was 37 when we adopted her!
As you all know we just buried one of the most pivotal people in my life.
Dottie. I still miss her . She has come around here and there though to remind me know she didn't really go any where.
I would like to say hi to Kim, Ginger, Susie, Stevie, Andy, Missy, Wally, Lief, Renae, Kelly, Stacy, Lee, and Todd.
I miss you guys!
Thursday, February 23, 2006
A Poem from long ago and not so far away
Summer Storms
Inspired by Sierra and Lynndsey, A conversation in June 03 at the start of the storm.
The summer storm,
Thunders in my brain,
The lightning flashes,
As it begins to rain.
It comes down in buckets,
In swimming sheets,
The power goes out
I leap to my feet.
Jagged lightning puts on a show,
Thunder booms and cracks and rolls,
The candle flames dance,
This storm soothes my soul.
The crystalyn rain falls,
From a darkling sky,
A glistening tear,
Falls silent from my eye.
The summer storm,
Begins to pass,
With a crack and a snap,
The cold rain is gone.
Inspired by Sierra and Lynndsey, A conversation in June 03 at the start of the storm.
The summer storm,
Thunders in my brain,
The lightning flashes,
As it begins to rain.
It comes down in buckets,
In swimming sheets,
The power goes out
I leap to my feet.
Jagged lightning puts on a show,
Thunder booms and cracks and rolls,
The candle flames dance,
This storm soothes my soul.
The crystalyn rain falls,
From a darkling sky,
A glistening tear,
Falls silent from my eye.
The summer storm,
Begins to pass,
With a crack and a snap,
The cold rain is gone.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
INVITAIONS
Billy and I would like to extend an invatation to anyone and all of our friends here on line.
We will be getting married June 26th of this year at our favorite place.
Please let us know if you would like to attend. We would love to see all of you there!
We will be getting married June 26th of this year at our favorite place.
Please let us know if you would like to attend. We would love to see all of you there!
Can't believe it! He's the one!
I love him so much. Loving him and being with him is so natural and right. Its just right.
Billy is a wonderment to me.
Being so sure of him and us is so different for me.
Never have I ever KNOWN like this, been so sure. There are no doubts what so ever as to if this is right or wrong or what ever. IT IS RIGHT!
I love him and I know he loves me.
We may be moving fast but when you know something is right and meant to be there is no such thing as moving too fast. We are doing what comes naturally to us.
Their are some folks that want us to wait or don't want us to get married right now.
They can kiss my grits, I will even make a fresh batch.
BILLY I LOVE YOU!!!!
Billy is a wonderment to me.
Being so sure of him and us is so different for me.
Never have I ever KNOWN like this, been so sure. There are no doubts what so ever as to if this is right or wrong or what ever. IT IS RIGHT!
I love him and I know he loves me.
We may be moving fast but when you know something is right and meant to be there is no such thing as moving too fast. We are doing what comes naturally to us.
Their are some folks that want us to wait or don't want us to get married right now.
They can kiss my grits, I will even make a fresh batch.
BILLY I LOVE YOU!!!!