I was looking things up on the internet last night with BiB. We are definatley going to Pensacola. I talked to Derek again today because I have some reservations. Sometimes it is hard for me to have complete faith in anyone or anything. I told him I was nervous that things might not work out and my children and I would be far far away from family and friends and homeless. He was a bit offened and told me that I would never be homeless. I told him what am I going to go live with your mom and you in Miss.(In the back ground his mom was saying that he was damn straight I would never have to worry about that) He said. If it comes down to it Denise you and your kids will be moved right in here. PERIOD! I agree with cedia. Derek is my earthly angel of the month! Heck probably the rest of this year. With everything that is going on and the new things I have heard about myself from my parents I really feel like a lowly piece of shiot right now. Like I don't deserve to even breathe the same air as some "special" people who are "better" then me.Uhg. I hate it when I get like this. I can't hardly stand myself. And I allow what other people say, especially my parents , to get to me. I hate being depressed.
I am starting to feel better though. Knowing that soon I will be far away from the parents. Knowing that I will be in sunshine. Knowing that I will be near my very best friend in the whole damn world. Knowing that my other best friend in the whole damn world is coming with me! I will miss my Roni Veggie Snowvhite though.
That girl is my sister. She is a part of my soul. Maybe she can come visit me though huh. I will miss being in familiar territory. I will miss being able to have dinner with my sister and D. I will miss my parents and my other sister. I will especially miss Kajun, Buddah, Jake. Sunset, Cha Cha lamone, Skyler, and Hershey.
I can only take my dog. So 7 beloved pets must be left behind. Given to good homes of course. Buddah will probably go back to my friend. Kajun will go to my sister hopefully for good. And the birds will go back to the pet store more then likely. I am going to put adds in the paper for them and the hershey. My sister is going to take my fishtank. I am going to miss knowing where I am going!
It will be an adventure that is for sure. Learning the area of Pensacola. From what it says on the internet there are alot of things to do there for fun for the kids and even the adults.
BiB is excited that there is a naval station there! That girl loves a man in uniform!!!!!!!!! I am getting excited about it and that in itself is helping to lift the ugliness of this downer I am on.
I know life is about taking chances and I am going to Take a leap of faith.As Wanda and many of my friends have suggested.I am afraid. But I am also comfortable. It is hard to explain. I feel...
calm.
I feel relaxed.
I feel curious.
I do hope that I am doing the right thing. The only way to find out is to do it.
Have a great evening everyone and a fantastic tomarrow.
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