Dear J & J

Dear J & J I am writing this letter in regards to your beautiful children. This letter is not being written with the purpose of bitching at you for not paying child support.Nor is it to nag at you for disapearing without a trace. This letter is written to you with loving intentions to fill you in on all of the wonderous events of which you have missed.
JMD: I will begin with Amanda. JSY you can skip this part as you where the one who was there when she was a baby.JMD, these are the things you missed.Pan discovering her fingers and toes. Pan realizing she could make mommy look (apparently) funny when she pretended to choke on something. She would laugh and laugh when playing this game and I would panick every time.
Until the day came when I thought she was playing and she wasn't and she turned blue. She never played that game again. I am pretty sure its because she didn't like my fingers down her throat while I hung her up upside down by her ankles.. You have also missed her first word (Vicki), first day of preschool,every single birthday she has ever had, every single holiday she has ever celebrated, graduation from grade school, awards ceremonies at Campfire, her first swimming lesson,the look on her face when she played her guitar for the first time. The sheer joy she eminated when singing a song she wrote while playing her guitar. Lets see, choir concerts,roasted marchmallows, her first taste of lemon. You have missed her melodic, contagious laugh, her tears of joy and sorrow. The way she hugs with her entire being. This child is funny and loving and creative and intelligent. She is absolutely beautiful! She loves to dance and sing and talk about her self and her boyfriend. You have missed out on reading to her, teaching her, hugging her, and knowing her. You have missed out on sharing her joys and her sorrows, her laughter and her tears, her troubles and her triumphs, The little moments that add up to 14 years. Just think J, in less then 4 years she'll be looking you up and asking you why you weren't here.
JSY: You haven't always been around. you have missed much more then you think you have, the last 4 and a half months included. You don't seem to realize how much all 3 of the girls love you. need you and want you in their lives, Lynn keeps asking about you . I am running out of excuses to tell her. She can't believe you haven't even called. Sierra asked me if she was ever going to see you again. I didn't know what to tell her. I kinda mumbled something about you being ill and that you had alot of stuff going on and let it drop there. I don't want to lie to the kids, but didn't know what would be a lie. This is what you are missing. The pain, the confusion, the anger the girls have about and towards you. You are missing all the experiences they are having. Amanda, Sierra, and Lynndsey are amazing and wonderful and they are yours and you are missing out on some of the most important moments in their lives! I don't know how either one of you can look in the mirror, knowing that you have children out there who would love to know you. A day will come when these kids are going to look you in the eye and want answers as to where you were, what you were doing, and why weren't they important to you. You don't need to worry about them, not that you do. The girls are growing up just fine, they have learned to never depend on any man for anything and that is a great thing for them to know. They have learned that they can take care of them selves. They have learned that women don't need men in their lives to be happy and healthy. So thankyou for helping me with that at least. The best way to learn is by example right. Wouldn't it have been better for them to hear it from their daddy though. To know that no matter what they would always be loved and accepted by the men who brought them into this world. I just hope that you both will be inspired to pick up that damn phone and give your kids the one thing they want the most. A fathers love.