meanderings

Well I actually don't know what it is that I want to say. I just know that there is a lot on my mind.
I miss my kids. I miss my ex-husband. I miss my best friends. They are all really far away.
Anacortes, Nampa, Knoxville, and on the road.
I miss waking up every day with my kids and being around while they are getting ready for school. I miss hugging and kissing them every morning before they leave for the day and telling them " I love you! Have a great day at school!"
I miss the quiet moments I had at home while they were away. I did my thing. Cleaning the house, doing the laundry, maybe going grocery shopping. Figuring out what dinner would be.
I miss the noise and chaios that would ensue upon their arrival home. The sound of the bus coming down the road always made me so happy.
Now I see a school bus and it makes me sad. I want to be with my girls everyday. I already know what the empty nest syndrome is all about. I have it in spades.
And I don't even have a nest.
Its very depressing.
I know however that my babies are all happy and healthy and enjoying their days.
At least I hope they enjoy their days.
I pray for their happiness and their health.
I may not be a hands on mom anymore. But I am still their mom.
My duty to be a parent is not diminished by the fact that they live with their father and that the oldest is in job chore. My priveledge of being their parent is not diminished by the fact that they live with their father, or go to jjob chore. The only thing that could diminish my mother hood is my allowing it to happen. And it won't.
I am their mom.
I gave birth to them. No one else.
I changed their diapers, burped them and fed them and bathed them.
I kissed their boo boo's and read the bedtime stories or sang them lullabyes.
I helped them with their homework and taught them right from wrong.
I did their laundry and cleaned up their messes and made their beds and took them to the park and the beach and made sure they got to school for the first half of their lives.
I have not been in a position to be able to do these things.
Their father has.
THANK GOD.
I miss my girls. I miss them so much. But I thank GOD and GODDESS every day that their father is their. That their grandparents are their. That they know they can count on the people in their lives to make the best decisions for them. I am glad that my girls know that I love them so much that I can't imagine having them bouncing around with me. Regardless of what other people think about it.
I am their MOM. I love them and I miss them and I just want to hug them.
Today is a lonely day indeed.