Thinking

You know when I think about the past, and all the experiences that I have had. Good and bad.
I am surprised that I didn't actually die. There are things that I did when I was a teenager that I never should have done, and if my parents knew that I was doing them they would have died...of heart attacks. When I look back on swinging from a rope into a lake thick with dead trees, cows, and cars....shivers.
When I think about sneaking out at night and roaming around in the woods or down the hill to the freeway over pass and into town. Holy Jebus, do you know what COULD have HAPPEND!
Scary. Blink. Scary.
When I think about the places I rode my horse and the dangerous shit I did. I could just about dig a hole right now.
Now my oldest daughter is at that age of discovery. Not just of the world around her or how she sees it. But how she will actually navigate it. How she will handle the situations that come up. Life Lessons are about to hit hard. And there is nothing I can or really should do to make it easier. Or prevent them from taking place. Of course I pray that she doesn't get mortally wounded. Of course I wish that her heart would not get broken. Of course I hope that she learns.
I did, you did, they did, she will. She is smart, funny, talented, and wise beyond her years, and she has sooooooo much to learn. So much to see and do, touch and feel, hear, and speak. People to meet and places to go. She is off and running full out. It will be a few years before she learns to take it slower and really SEE.
It will be awhile before we can sit down and have a conversation about life.
Until then she just has to do it. I can't wait to hear her stories. I would like to say that I can wait to see her heart broken and see all the paths her life will take. But I can't say that. I don't want her to miss anything, if her heart is never broken and no one ever hurts her feelings or pisses her off she will miss out on something. It will mean she didn't care enough to have that.
Or that someone didn't care enough about her to make it happen.
That would suck. For lack of a better word. It would just plain suck. I want whats best for all my children. And shock, awe, shock, sometimes whats best. Is whats hard, or painful, or just a pain in the ass. I love you Pan. This is the get go of an aweful great adventure!