brimstone spittin poppa

Well my day has so far gone quite arye(sp), I woke up this afternoon to my father shouting at me that I am a worthless piece of shit, terrible mother, and an even more terrible house keeper. And that I am out of control when I get angry.And ontop of all that, this is to be blamed on the fact that I am bi-polar. Well howdy doody this is news to me! THe only thing partially true in those statements is that yes this last week I have been an atrocious housekeeper. (gosh I'm sorry pops, I was so busy laying around on my fat all I do is eat and sleep ass that I didn't get around to christmas shopping,feeding hungry children,rushing a friend to the hospital,wrapping gifts,job hunting,going to relatives homes or running to the grocerie store five million times for you, to clean my own house)
So anyway as the conversation wore on and I felt less and less human, I was then informed that I need medication. WHOA buddy! I may have a somewhat messy house (incredible pigsty) right now, but it will all be clean by the end of the day, no harm no foul. I DO have THREE children who are more like tornadoes then humans.I DO have a life outside of cleaning my house and running errands for you (old man) and I don't need medication to give me the desire to clean my house, a little caffeine would be just fine thankyou very much.And I certainly don't need your wonderfully considerate kind and caring words to me to give me the little lift I need.THANKYOU so much for loving me and telling me so by calling me names and telling me that I never should have been born. DAD, I love you so much. I just want to hurt you right now,because oh I just care so much for you.I am not angry at all that you would talk to me in such a fashion.It doesn't bother me at all that you would come into my home and treat me as though I where a disobedient child.It doesn't bother me in the slightest bit that my children witnessed every word, after all they don't hear such loving compassionate, supportive words from me. And I really want them to know what it is like to have such things said to you.
Now the only thing that I have to say to you dad is..

GO SUCK A ROTTEN EGG !
SUCK MY DICK!
SHOVE OFF!
FUCK OFF!
KISS MY GRITS!
KISS MY ASS!
STAY OUT OF MY HOUSE!
GET OUT OF MY LIFE!
SHUT THE FUCKIN HELL UP YOU BASTARD!
FUCK YOU UP THE GOAT ASS!
WHY DON'T YOU GO LOOK IN A MIRROR DOUCHE BAG!
GO TO FUCKIN HELL!
SHUT YOUR FUCKIN PIEHOLE!
DO NOT SPEAK TO ME EVER AGAIN!IN ANY MANOR WHAT SO FUCKING EVER!
I wish that I could say these things to dear old poppa but alas I cannot because I really do love the old fart and I know he is just saying these things because my moms pissed him off and he has to take it out on someone so it might as well be the oldest daughter that lives next door.
Okay thats no excuse and I know it, but he's my dad and so I will make up, use, and believe any excuse I want. KAY!
I feel like such an idiot , I am so angry and upset as I am writing this, I will probably come back to this later and think oh my god I sound like I'm 15 again. But that is how he makes me feel, when he says all the things he says to me, he takes my adulthood away from me, he takes away my self esteem and any kind of love I might have for myself.I hate him so much sometimes,my GOD I am 33 years old and I still haven't done anything in my life that is good enough for him.I have done so much that I am proud of.But for him I wouldn't be good enough if I where a brain surgeon or an astronaut or the frickin president.I am sure that I would hear all about how the deficit was all my doing.And I am sure that I would be to blame for the war in Iraq,because I am so confrontational you know, and I piss people off just by looking at them. Eek gad will the old man ever see what the reality of my life is.I can't get over his assuming that I sleep all night and all day! LOL ! I fucking wish, I am lucky to get 20 minutes or so, I am really lucky to get a few hours at once.Bi-polar=crazy lunatic father.
I soo need to just move far far far away to a tropical island paradise where there are no dads, and no ex husbands and well at this moment I will wish that there was no one but me and my kids and a couple of monkeys who know where to find the bananas.