Oh lord please do help me! My oldest daughter informed today that she and her boyfriend had broken up on the way home from school..Reason>because he grabbed her breast very hard and squeezed it til it hurt very bad.. so she pushed him away and he said to her " maybe we should just not go out anymore if I can't even touch you" aparently he has been grabbing at her and she had been pushing him away and it escalated. And come to find out about a week ago he kicked her in the shin, she has a bruise, I have seen it.. Sooo I am very angry now at this point and my stomach is doing this weird (feels like a scooby doo ending taking place) thingy and I go over to his house(they live right next door) to talk to his mother ( wonderful hispanic woman who is just the shit!) and discover that my daughter has been hitting him too..Well no wonder I say if he is grabbing at her and won't stop and is hurting her! Hit all you want at that point darling!!!! So we get it all worked out and the kids know that they are not aloud to date anymore and they are to keep there hands to themselves PERIOD!!!! I am very miffed about the entire situation still however, I left my oldest daughters father because he thought I was a punching bag who was to do his absolute bidding etc.. I don't want my Pan thinking that this kind of behavior is okay. When she told me about the kicking thing I asked her why she didn't say anything at the time and she said because he apologized she let it go and figured it was alright...NO! NO! NO! NEVER!!!!!EVER!!!!!EVER!!!!!
This is not alright and we have had along discussion about these things now. I still haven't told her why I split from her father when she was just a baby. How do you tell your child that you left because the man who sired her threw metal tipped darts at you an almost hit her while she swung in her swing innocently sleeping, and had to go to hospital to have dart removed and still have scarr from it. How pray do I tell this child that her father broke my sternum and I still have problems with it aching even now damn near 14 years later. How do I tell this child that I only left after the dart incident because I didn't want her to get hurt. I didn't care about me. I cared about her.. How then can I explain why I care now about me and that I would never let another man or woman even hit me without them getting seriously injured themselves for doing it.But I didn't think of ME at the time...I am going to have to ponder this some more.
She is only 13 and a half and I don't plan on telling her any of this yet as she never sees the guy or hears from him anyway. I figured when she was 18 and she went looking for him that I would tell her then...I don't know if I should though.. UG.. back to the point though. I am trully upset that she didn't come to me with this and I had to go at her like a bulldog digging for a bone..It was like pulling teeth to get it out of her.. I did tell her that she needs to tell me or someone when these kinds of things happen... God I pray that she pays attention and that she speeks up next time......arrrgghhhhh...
3 comments:
It's hard to know when to let something like what you've experienced become useful knowledge for your children...
But, if you explain that allowing them to do that "even if they apologise" leads to abusive behavoir that is unlikely to stop and take her to see one of those battered women's reps...it really puts things in perspective and that way "you" don't have to mention anything about her father...yet
hi its me jerzee. i dont think that you should tell her just yet. but i do think you should tell her. my mom was was just like you, with all the hitting and stuff. the only difference is i remember it all back to when i was 5. my sister who is 16 now remembers it back to when she was 5. i hated living in that house growing up and seeing the things that happened and i always wished my mom would leave him. but she didnt for a very long time bc he had the money and she wanted us all taken care of. they seperated for awhile and one night i heard them fighting when i was 16 and couldnt take sitting around anymore and decided i was gonna help. he had thrown her out the front door down some steps and she was kicking the door. i came up crying and screaming trying to stop it and he came for me. my mom kicked through the window to distract him from getting at me. it was the bravest id ever seen my mom. when finally they got divorced we thought all would be great. but it just got worse. my mom lost all custody and visiting rights to my sis and bro. it upset her so much to the point to where it killed her. my mom died at 39, bc of a mans bullshit. and now i know exactly the kind of man to stay away from. in a way it made me stronger. so her knowing these things eventully will possibly make her a very strong independent woman too. damn sorry for the novel.
boabhan:excellent advice I am going to do that!!!!
Jerzee: That is terrible! I am so sorry that happened to all of you and the loss of your mother,that is exactly why I got out. I didn't want to either of us to die.What a terrible tragedy what happened to all of you.Losing your mom must have been horrible.I can't imagine such a loss..no worries about the novel :)
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