Tuesday, November 29, 2011

November 29th 2011

Well thanksgiving has come and gone. It was awesome had all three of my kids here plus my grand daughter and son in law, nephew bug, and then my sister and the rest of her family stopped in for desert and to deliver a christmas tree!!! Its been interesting having the kids here for so long after five years of them living with their dad for school. I LOVE IT!!!
Lynn and I are discovering boundaries. She is at the age of figuring out who she is and who she wants to be so there are times when the attitude needs to be turned down. She will grow out of it. Christmas is going to be awesome in many ways. We have a beautiful tree and lights already. There will be home made gifts only under our tree. I hope that goes over okay with the girls. I want them to understand that Yule is about much more then they ever knew before. Its not about Jesus or God in this house. I know it is in their dads so I will respect their beliefs completely. But I don't have money to pay for gifts in true christian fashion. I am pagan and I celebrate this time of year a bit differently then most people. I want the girls to learn about it and see that it isn't evil. They can make up their own minds as to what religion or faith they wish to follow. If any.
This should be a lesson in respect and open mindedness for all of us!! I am very excited about sharing my beliefs with the girls. Now that they are old enough to trully understand. I won't shove it down their throats. I never have. And if they don't want to hear about it they don't have to, but they will respect my faith as I respect theirs.

Happy Yule to you and yours

Sunday, November 13, 2011


I have made a very difficult decision to break it off with Jim. My heart is breaking but it must be done. I just need to let him go. I can't take care of him anymore. He is forty years old and capable of taking care of himself and as long as I am doing it all for him and as long as he expects me too, and I do have to keep doing things, I have two kids who live here too and things have to get done. He will never change, he will never take control of his life and his unemployment situation. I love Jim, but everything that I am doing for him is actually hurting him and my kids, and me. I can't go into debt any more then I already am. I wish things were different. I love him and I need him to leave before I hate and resent him.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011


I am retaining water again, no matter what I do it won't go away.
Its hard to breathe again. I have a Dr. appointment on friday because that was the soonest I could get in.
I am still waiting for a referral to the cardiologist. I just want all this to stop, I want to feel good for the last half of my life. The first half I have felt like crap, soemthing is always wrong with me, or something always hurts. I want to feel good and have energy like normal people

Monday, November 07, 2011

Sometimes the best things turn out to be terrible and life threatning

Almost two years ago my sister friend Jen got a life changing, life saving kidney and pancreas transplant.
The operation was succesful, the recovery was smooth and eventless. She went home after the required time. The night before she was going to leave Idaho to move here to Washington she was bit by one of her ex-boyfriends dogs. It was a complete accident and trully Jens fault as she walked her happy ass into the middle of a dog fight, one of the dogs went to bite the other and got Jen instead. The bite was severe and her ex took her to the ER where she received stitches and antibiotics. Unbeknownst to any of us, she also received that night the parvo B 19 virus from the dog. It is the human parvo virus. We normally cannot get it, but because she was susceptible do to all the medications she was on to prevent her new organs from being rejected she got it.
About two months after she got here she was feeling very weak and was having a hard time breathing. I made her go to the Doc. and they ran blood tests, her red blood count was very very low and she had to have a blood transfusion. When the tests came back we learned of the virus which was killing her red blood cells. She had to have an IVIG treatment. Intra venous Immunoglobulin. The first couple of those didin't really bother her much, but with each one the pain increased. Jen says now she needs pain killers while she gets the treatment and it still feels like someone is pouring fire into her veins. She has had to have blood every 80 to 90 days just to stay alive, and has had seven IVIG treatments. Her bone marrow is toast. She now has to have chemo to completely destroy the marrow and then she has to have a bone marrow transplant. It is the only way to make sure there is no virus in her bone marrow, and the only way to possibly and hopefully restore a healthy bone marrow to her body. She is looking at at least six more months of hell. She is regretting ever getting the transplant because of everything that has happend since. This was supposed to be her second chance at life. So far it has done nothing but make her miserable. I pray every day that Jen gets better and that this bone marrow transplant works and that for once in her short life of 39 years and being a fragile diabetic since 18 months old that she just gets to have as normal and event free life as possible. No more medical emergencies! I have seen her fight her way back so many times from the brink of death. She is very tired now and I worry that without that fight in her she will fade away. At this point I can't blame her. I would have given up long ago. I can see it every day that the spark she has is dwindling. If any one reads this, please add Jen to your prayers to what ever higher power you believe in. Please send positive thoughts and healing energy her way. Thank You