Friday, December 31, 2004

A Brand New Year to FUCK UP ROYALLY!

Oh I am so excited! A whole entire NEW year to fuck up!!!!
Seriously I can't believe it has come around so fast, It seems like just yesterday it was the dawn of 1990. So much has happened in what seems like so little time. I swear just yesterday my dad was telling me to get down off the top of the fridge and act like a girl instead of a monkey.(OH wait that was yesterday ) Hmm, Well anywho... I just want to say to everyone out there who hasn't fucked up there lives, GOOD for you, keep it up and watch out that you don't get to close to me as I have a very contagious disease, its called: Fuckinupuslifeiss. Please do not get any closer, as a matter of fact you may want to stop reading this and go to another blog. And for those of you who are fellow sufferers of fuckinupuslifeiss, don't dispare I hear there is a cure out there. Researchers have discovered that having a job can keep the disease at bay and can possibly send it into remission. Good luck to all of you.
I am going back to bed now to wallow in dispare as with me the disease is far advanced and I can hardly get myself to do anything constructive...



We shall see shaint we!!!! I dare you to say that three times fast!

a quote from the queen

Sometimes it is not the silence which is golden, but the moment in which it occurs....

Thursday, December 30, 2004

psycho pussy

Ha ha made ya look! This is actually about an obnoxous feline member of my family, a new very cranky feline member of the family. He has since arriving at about 6 pm, scratched all three of my children , my youngest so bad that she will have a permanent scar near her lower lip, growled and hissed at my kajun kitty and attacked my little dog daisy ( betchya thought I was gonna say toto!) He has knocked over my garbage can, finches, and hamster. And I swear to god he opened the fridge and drug out the left over chicken thigh I had in there waiting to be made into soup. He has torn my curtains and broken a cherished lamp passed down from my grandmother. He has pissed on my favorite sweater and a bin of clean laundry. He has shitted upon my counter MY COUNTER!!! And he has (apparently attempting to end his life) practically drowned in my fish tank! ( I bet he wanted to eat my poor unsuspecting fishes)
And to top it all off this stinking pussy has sprayed just about everything I own and even went upstairs to make sure he didn't miss any spot what so ever. Needless to say I have been scrubbing all day and gluing and sewing and bandaging etc etc etc....
And that goddamn cat from outer fucking space is now and forever OUTSIDE!!!!!!!!
I pray to god he runs away and some lovely old lady adopts him and he is an angel for her.
I must make myself pray for this instead of the reverse, which is unfortunatley the truer prayer,
That the stupid fucking insane cat gets squished by one of the idiots who likes to race down this road in the middle of the night with his boonk boonk and dink shit blaring.
I know I know it is MEAN, but my BABY is forever scarred by this beast from hell and I wish death to take him. Well okay a quick and painless death, but death all the same.
And to think I left I comment for Rathwel yesterday lauding the wonders of forgiveness..

The most ironic thing in all of this. The hell cats name...... buddah

stuff that irks me

Things that irk me to no end!

1) People who don't appreciate anything that they have.
2) People who take advantage of the kindness of others.
3) Rude people, this includes children who are old enough to understand or be taught by their parents.
4) Cheesy Romance Novel Covers ( why would anyone read those things????)
5) Not being able to find the book that I want at the library
6) Bad Pizza ( I bet all chinese pizza is grubbin)
7) Grumpy cats!
8) When my children won't listen even when I threaten them with a foot in the keaster!!!!!
9) Running out of smokes
10) Having smokes and no light
11)When this beastley puter acts up
12) When certain people in my family pretend to be someone they are not ,or more then they are
13)Being ignored
14)Not getting any email
15)When I ask my kids to clean something and they say they have done it but they really haven't.(Like cleaning up their damn rooms)
16) When I over use my minutes on my cell and my service gets suspended
17) Men who are abusive to the one they suposedly love
18) Parents
19) Not being appreciated
20) When no one sends me flowers ( I have never ever been sent flowers )
21) When people are late
22) When my dog leaves me gifts on the bathroom floor. ( which I step on in the dark , eeeewwwww)
23) When I can't solve a math problem. ( I suck at math terribly)
24) When people laugh at me for not being able to divide fractions)
25)Not getting a break from reality when I so desperately need one
26) Not being able to pay my bills because I am a big fat loser!!!
27) Hearing terrible things on the news , (say, when I hear that money meant to help those who have suffered from the TSunami has been stolen by some retarded rat bastard with no soul)
28) Not being able to smoke and type at the same time.
29) Selfish people
30) Spongebob ( ie, Sharnado)
31) The fact that in writing this I have accomplished being one of those people that I mentioned in # 1
There for I will now go to a list of 30 things that I am grateful for. ( As a way of making up for my unappreciativeness)

I am greatful for
1) My children
2) My friends and family
3) The health of my children and others whom I love
4)The color of the sunset tonight
5) My dog!
6) My other pets
7) This puter
8) My failing sight ( hey at least I have sight!)
9) My parents ( most of the time)
10) Birthdays
11) Thoughtful people
12) The flowers In my garden
13) The color of grass
14) Lasagna
15) Chocolate
16) People who volunteer
17) Doctors
18) Car insurance
19) My ability to think
20) People who donate
21) Good news
22) Cheap food items that last forever
23) Left overs to make another meal from
24) The roof over my head
25) Generosity
26) Curtains
27) Warm clothes on cold days and cool clothes on hot days
28) Truck drivers
29) Musicians and artists
30 ) LOVE

Well tha tha tha thats all folks

Tuesday, December 28, 2004


OF SILENCE..........


come on ! leave a comment I know you want to! After all I DO publish dirty poems on this thing sometimes, just see burning desire, burning wildfire. ;)

on suing McDonalds

I had a most interesting day, I drove for an hour and a half to Oak Harbor on Whidbey Island to pick up a friend and take her to the doctor, she promised to give me gas money for this trip, and she really needed to go to the doc so I figured I would be a pal and take her. When I get there she informs me that she does not have gas money for this little journey we are taking.( I have to drive her an hour and a half back to my town to get her to the Doctor) I figure what the hell and give her a ride anyway, and she promised that she would borrow the money from someone to give me gas money to fill my quickly draining gas tank. So we drive all the way back here and she goes in to see her Doctor, I take my children to McDonalds as they are starving to death. ( or so they swear to god and jesus) And they play on the toys as we wait.
Then as we are leaving I step off a curb that I didn't know was there and quickly land upon my right knee and face.(Oh god does this hurt) There was no sign to watch for this step and if you are not paying attention to your feet you can easily miss this step. I wonder how many other people have taken the same trip as I did today? So anyhow I get to my car, whining the entire way with concerned children in tow. I get to my car and realize that I cannot bend my knee without excrucheating (SP) pain. So I reach for the cup my daughter still has in her hand and promptly call the 1 800 number for customer service. I ask who I can talk to about falling off the step and hurting myself, the very nice woman asks me for a bunch of info and I tell her said info, she then tells me that she is sorry that this happened and that someone will be contacting me within 24 hours. I gave her my phone numbers and we disconnected. I am wondering if anything will come of this? I am wondering if I should indeed sue them? I don't want to be mean or anything like that I just want my medical paid for as I am still in terrible pain and as I sit here now I am still debating going to the hospital to have my knee exrayed and possibly receive some pain relieving medications. ~ As for my friend, she cannot drive so I had to drive for another hour and a half to get her back to Oak Harbor and then another hour and a half back home, my neighbor was kind enough to come along to keep me awake and all but she also cannot drive. When I got my friend back to her hotel room I asked if she had been able to borrow any money since I was now dangerously close to not getting home ( EMPTY)
She said she was unable to get the money,(even after using my cell phone and taking up much precious time ) Even after I GAVE her the two dollars she needed to buy a pack of cigs, even after I gave her some food off my shelf that she could heat up in the microwave in her room, she said she didn't have the money.I am soooo tired and in so much pain, I wanted to strangle this friend of mine. I found it incredibly unbelieveable that she would promise to pay me back the two dollars and give me twenty for gas when I got her home, and then she didn't produce such funds. I would have been alright with her giving me the three dollars she had before buying cigs. Then ,I almost forgot this tidbit, she had the audacity to call one of my friends and ask to borrow money from her so that she could get her scripts filled, and when my friend told her that she was at work and her money was in the bank, sponge bob says to my friend Nej "well do you trust thequeen with your atm card. " Nej says to spongebob yes I do but I don't have 60 dollars to spare. So then spongebob asks Nej " well can I borrow 50?" SHEESH lady get the point! So anyway as we get talking I learn through a classic spongebob slip up that her meds only cost her 28$ and she was just trying to get extra for incidentals.!!!!!!!! This woman is expecting a truck load of money from another friend in North Carolina tomarrow but she feels the need to borrow EXTRA from MY friend!!!! I wanted to scream!!!! So now I have to feel guilty about spongebob trying to panhandle my friends as Nej was not the only unfortunate victim.
I have a friend in Mississippi who was also called, spongebob was even going to ask buttmans mom for a loan. All so she could have money now. I asked spongebob when she thought she might be able to pay me back for the expenses of the day and she told me that if I can come out there tomarrow that she could probably do it then. I HAVE NO GAS!!!!!!! I barely made it home. And now I have no way of doing the things that I need to do as I drove my poor car for six hours today just to get her to a DOCTORS appointment which incidentally could have been made with a Doctor in OAK HARBOR!!!!!! I will be telling more about spongebob in future blogs, but I will start at the beggining with the next post I do about her. Should make for some interesting stories as she is also commonly referred to as SHARNADO (I love this littel nic that I made up for her as it so richly deserved) by all who know her.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

damn why'd I have to read that?!!!

Why'd I have to read that damn meme
I don't want to die painfully so here it is.

Three names you go by:
1)bunwheez (thankyou uncle fruitcake)
2)adorable ( really its true, I swear!)
3) hey sexy momaaa ( oh come on you believe that don'tchya)

Three screen names you have had:


Three things you like about yourself:
1)hmm my cute button nose

2) my two belly buttons
3)my sense of humor

Three things you don't like about yourself:
1) my fat arms (seriously I think I am still waving goodbye to my friend who left a month ago!)

2)My ghetto ghetto ghetto booty (I could keep going, as does my ass)
3)my insomnia

Three things that scare you:
1) threats of kicking the bucket painfully

2) Tellie tubbies (those things are so fucking evil!)
3) bugs especially spiders,scorpions,and millipedes

Three of your everyday essentials:
1) caffeine

in that order please!

Three things you are wearing right now:
1)my watch
2)three earings
3)thumb ring
no you cannot look!

Three of your favorite bands
1)Nickleback (duh)
3)Black Sabbath

Three of your favorite songs at present:
!)Someday (Nickleback)
2)down with the sickness (can't remember name of band)
3)Believe (Cher)

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:

2)web cam girl
3)cyber slut
well actually,
1) swimming with dolphins
2)going to an art museum
3)make chinese pizza

Three physical things about the opposite sex (**or same**) that appeal to you:
1)hands (male)

2)eyes (male)
3)throat (male)

Three things you just can't do:
1)be calm during an earth quake or fire ( I have proven this ad naseum)
2)work apparently
3)sprout wings and fly

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1) blogging
2) hanging with the kiddos
3)listening to music

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
1)talk to my friend in New York
2) talk to my friend in Mississippi
3)talk to chad kroeger where ever he may be

Three careers you are considering:
1)professional vampire
2)road kill technician
3)singer of teligrams

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1)solaris 9
2) tryactin4
3)disneyland ( I have about as much luck of getting there as I do the previously named)

Three kids names:
1) iggy
2) zoe

Three things you want to do before you die:
1) kick Brittney Spears in the throat
2)Kiss madona
3)Bring Elvis back to life

Three people who have to take this quiz now or die painfully:
and Gene Simmons

brimstone spittin poppa

Well my day has so far gone quite arye(sp), I woke up this afternoon to my father shouting at me that I am a worthless piece of shit, terrible mother, and an even more terrible house keeper. And that I am out of control when I get angry.And ontop of all that, this is to be blamed on the fact that I am bi-polar. Well howdy doody this is news to me! THe only thing partially true in those statements is that yes this last week I have been an atrocious housekeeper. (gosh I'm sorry pops, I was so busy laying around on my fat all I do is eat and sleep ass that I didn't get around to christmas shopping,feeding hungry children,rushing a friend to the hospital,wrapping gifts,job hunting,going to relatives homes or running to the grocerie store five million times for you, to clean my own house)
So anyway as the conversation wore on and I felt less and less human, I was then informed that I need medication. WHOA buddy! I may have a somewhat messy house (incredible pigsty) right now, but it will all be clean by the end of the day, no harm no foul. I DO have THREE children who are more like tornadoes then humans.I DO have a life outside of cleaning my house and running errands for you (old man) and I don't need medication to give me the desire to clean my house, a little caffeine would be just fine thankyou very much.And I certainly don't need your wonderfully considerate kind and caring words to me to give me the little lift I need.THANKYOU so much for loving me and telling me so by calling me names and telling me that I never should have been born. DAD, I love you so much. I just want to hurt you right now,because oh I just care so much for you.I am not angry at all that you would talk to me in such a fashion.It doesn't bother me at all that you would come into my home and treat me as though I where a disobedient child.It doesn't bother me in the slightest bit that my children witnessed every word, after all they don't hear such loving compassionate, supportive words from me. And I really want them to know what it is like to have such things said to you.
Now the only thing that I have to say to you dad is..

I wish that I could say these things to dear old poppa but alas I cannot because I really do love the old fart and I know he is just saying these things because my moms pissed him off and he has to take it out on someone so it might as well be the oldest daughter that lives next door.
Okay thats no excuse and I know it, but he's my dad and so I will make up, use, and believe any excuse I want. KAY!
I feel like such an idiot , I am so angry and upset as I am writing this, I will probably come back to this later and think oh my god I sound like I'm 15 again. But that is how he makes me feel, when he says all the things he says to me, he takes my adulthood away from me, he takes away my self esteem and any kind of love I might have for myself.I hate him so much sometimes,my GOD I am 33 years old and I still haven't done anything in my life that is good enough for him.I have done so much that I am proud of.But for him I wouldn't be good enough if I where a brain surgeon or an astronaut or the frickin president.I am sure that I would hear all about how the deficit was all my doing.And I am sure that I would be to blame for the war in Iraq,because I am so confrontational you know, and I piss people off just by looking at them. Eek gad will the old man ever see what the reality of my life is.I can't get over his assuming that I sleep all night and all day! LOL ! I fucking wish, I am lucky to get 20 minutes or so, I am really lucky to get a few hours at once.Bi-polar=crazy lunatic father.
I soo need to just move far far far away to a tropical island paradise where there are no dads, and no ex husbands and well at this moment I will wish that there was no one but me and my kids and a couple of monkeys who know where to find the bananas.

Fire ! Fire! FIre!

I am sooo not good with FIRE!
We almost had one today ! The house could have burned to the ground!
(okay that is just a little of the drama queen in me coming out again,)
(where did I put that damn tiara??someone kiped it I know they did!!!!)
Anyway back to the near ruination of my beautiful(huge lie) home.
I had just woken up and it was early for me,(10:30am) I was sitting on my bed watching my kiddos open their present from me and suddenly their was a medium loud POP and a spark went flying out of the baseboard heater, I watched for a moment (frozen in terror) to calmly see if anything would come of it. Notta, zip, zilch, zero, nothing. So I went about picking up the few things that where on my bedroom floor (eh hem,couldn't see color of carpeting,figured it was time) and suddenly I hear a medium loud POP, and there is another spark flying across the room (maybe three inches) and I again stare calmly(more terrified then before) to see if anything will come of this spark,(oh dear god will there be MORE???)
Nothing happens.....I decide that I should turn off the heater as this will prevent further sparks,( I am trully about to run from the house screaming FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!) I go to turn off said heater and POP there goes a humungo spark the size of a comet (maybe perhaps as big as the head of a penny nail) I call my dad immediatley and calmly (call to dad goes as follows )( ring ring (dad :hello ) (queen: OMIGOD DAD GET OVER HERE NOWWWWWWW) ) Queen hangs up> dad comes running over thinking that someone needs cpr and finds said queen standing in middle of king size bed holding phone and staring at heater.> dad says "what the hell is going on over here?" Queen says calmly(practically screaming) that the heater has been throwing sparks and did in fact do so after being turned off..Dad says " well thats impossible {QUEEN} it can't do that" "It dad I swear it did and I think it is even hotter now" Dad says "don't be silly" as he reaches down to check out said possesed heater. Dad " well that sure is hot ( HOLY CRAP WHATS WRONG WITH THIS THING!!!!)" (hmm I sonder where my drama royalty came from??) Dad calmly goes to make sure that the heater is turned down, it is and this makes him curious (shout at queen that the heater is broken and CANNOT be turned back on no matter how cold it gets) I remind dear father that the heater has not turned off as it was told to do.(actually yelled this bit of info and a loud and screeching tone) Dad walks (runs) next door to get his handy dandy tool kit) comes back after a few minutes (seconds) and does something to the wires so that the heater is no longer getting juice,( wires are now hanging out for all to grab hold of and have there world rocked to the core! So I let my daughter know quite calmly( yelling loudly in her face that if she touches it she will die!) that she shouldn't go near it as it is dangerous. We then left the house to go to my aunts where I constantly worried that I would come home to ashes and a burt corpse for a dog, hamster,2 parakeets, two finches , and some boiled goldfish.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

christmas is over!!! woo hoo~!

Well thankgod the holidays are finally over! My norfolk Island Pine is lightless and devoid of other decorations, the lights around the windows are now back in there boxes.I just have to take down the stockings!
The kids are happy they were spoiled by every one but me.. which is alright because I was able to give them two gifts each and put some things in the stockings. I am just so glad that its over as this is always a stressful time for me.
On other subjects I am talking to a friend on my cell and she is having some deep issues that I have no Idea how to handle. I don't even know what advice to give her. She is getting divorced , the guy lives in Arizona and we have been talking for the last few months so I know what he has been up to, well now he wants her to come back, well he is not sure he does have another opportunity with another lady that he is considering and he hasn't told my friend about this woman, she is debating on going back because she is basically homeless and doesn't want to find out what its like to sleep under a bridge, she doesn't love her husband and is afraid things will go wrong again just as they did before.I don't know what to tell her. I don't know what to tell him when he asks for advice from me.
I don't like being in the middle either, I am friends with both of them and I know secrets from both sides that would make there decisions easier for them. But I cannot tell said secrets as that would be a breach of friendship.
ARRRGGGGGG... At least I can write about it here.....


Happy Birthday Celebration Jesus!
This is my wish, I hope that everyone remembers that this is about you!
Not what may or may not be under the tree.
Thankyou for being there for me every single day of my life.
I apologize for not always remembering that you are there.
Thankyou for everything that you do for me everyday.
Especially when I don't realize that you have done it.
I wish you a very merry christmas.


Friday, December 24, 2004

fuber d dubbered

I have sooo not been happy today! My nose is stuffed up and I have a headache from hell, and now I can't sleep as usual because I slept until 2 this afternoon, I have all these chrismassy things that I have to do tomarrow and go to and I just don't feel like it, If that makes me a grinch then so be it, color me GREEN! I don't like christmas much again, I hate this time of year, I feel bad for those who have nothing,literally nothing, because they are living on the street, there aint no santa handing out hot drinks and a filling meal and a heated sleeping bag and fluffy warm pillow is there.I would love to be that Santa but I don't have the funds to do it, It pisses me off that these political (nice wonderful folks) spend all this fat ass amount of money to try to get elected but there are people freezing and starving to death in our streets. It just makes no sense to me what so ever and I think it is ultra fucked up.I think I need to get some rest and some vitamin C so I don't have this piss poor attitude all day tomarrow and the next day and take all the decorations and all the presents away from everyone I know while I am stealing there blankets and there food to give to the homeless and the cold. Modern day Robin, with a pretty red hat. and no reindeer.
Doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

christmas shmismas
and bah humbug!

Thursday, December 23, 2004

more poems by the queen

cruisin the net,
got nothing to do,
I see Jesus dance,
hallaluja woohoo,
surfin the web
bored outta my mind,
I see bonsai kittens
hallaluja woohoo
I sit up with my friend
my roni,my veg,
She shows me her ass
we laugh in her bed,
we drink lots of beers,
bottles everywhere,
candles glow
gotta go,get outta here,
cruisin the net, got
nothin to do,
I see Jesus dance
hallaluja woohoo
surfin the web
bored outta my mind
ordered a bonsai kitten
for my five year old,
hallaluja woohoo
hall a lu ja woo hoo.


You say, whats going on
As though nothing happened
no nothing at all
you hitting me
happens everyday
in a plethera of ways
with your words with your hands
makes no difference
means nothing at all
Beat me down tell me I suck,
makes no defference
cuz here I am stuck
I'd really like to give it all back,
give it all back,
give it all back,
I can't bring myself to hurt you
like that,burn you that bad,
I want to puke from the evil inside
this black ache in my stomach,
you created this hole,this stain,
this fire in my soul,
I won't let you do this to another,
no longer me,don't start on my kid,
You're not worthy of my respect,
I can't believe I never hit back,
You say whats going on,
as though nothing happened,
no nothing at all.

My Birth Mother

I once had a notion
what love was,
Someone once held me
in her tender mothers arms
someone once held my tiny hand
someone once loved me
with every,every,every,
beat of her breaking heart,
Her weeping spirit told me
She wanted to always hold me,
and she would
deep within every,every,every,
beat of her breaking heart,
I once had a notion,
what love was,
my mother she told me
while weeping goodbye,
inhale her breath,
take it inside,
my mother once held me,
she memorized my face,
I once had a notion,
what love was.

Midnight Angel

Midnight Angel
won't you please come,
Show me the way home,
I've lost my way in this life,
I've lost my everything.

Midnight Angel
won't you please come,
guide me on my way,
shed your light on the
shreds,shredded, shreds
of my malfunctioning life.


I think you may have fallen
fallen from the sky,
Your eyes are made of stars,
your eyes are made of sky,
I think perhaps you may have
fallen from the moon.
I can't reach you,
can't touch you,
can't speak to you,
I don't know what magic happened here,
what magic created you,
I think you might have fallen
fallen from the sky,
I wish to say I love you,
I wish to hold you tight,
I wish I could just look,
look into your eyes,
I think you might have fallen
fallen from the sky,
Your eyes are made of moonlight
your eyes are made of stars
in your eyes I see a reflection
a reflection of your heart.

more later maybe?

some poems by the queen

I don't want to take
your righteous shit no more
you think your so fuck n smart
you make an ass of you
you make a fool of me
Try to make it all my fault
Sit on this, take the fall
you need to look
you need to see
you are so blind
you need to bleed
I don't want to listen
and I don't want to fuckin hear
your harsh cruel words
that have no standing here
your ugly words I shove
them down your shouting throat
you need to stop your moldy spouting
you show your ass, we all see the truth
your inadequecy,amazes me
shut your mouth,just shut your
mouth,shut your mealy, worm
filled mouth.

untitled again
You don't know me
I've never shown you
I never had the balls
to let you in behind the walls
I fear no one could understand
the things I think
the things I feel
It's always the falseness of me
everyone attempts to steal
if it was known
the secret of me
I fear you might swarm
like a heard of hungry bees
come swallow this facade
please,please, I beg you please
take this falseness away from me
set me free,let me be
who I really am
all I really am
set me free,set me free,
please I beg you
set me free.

Morphine Dreams and Valum Kisses

Morphine dreams and valum kisses
dance with me while my
xanax tells a rainbow story
Morphine dreams and valum kisses
sleep with me a while, I need
someone to hold me down.
Morphine dreams and valum kisses
play with me while my percocet
sings us a fairy song
Morphine dreams and valum kisses
take my hand and walk with me down
this pretty path of pills.
I think I am addicted, addicted to
being ill,I think I am addicted
addicted to these pills
Morphine dreams and valum kisses
dance with me while my percocet
tells a rainbow story,
Sleep with me and hold me down,
take my hand, I'll take you down a
pretty path of pills,Morphine dreams
and valum kisses dance with me
just for a while,sing and play and
dance with me,oh sing and play and
dance with me
Morphine dreams and valum kisses
sing and play and dance with me
morphine dreams and valum kisses
morphine dreams and valum kisses.


My friend,she died,
she left me behind,
she didn't say goodbye,
she just killed herself away,
She gave away her daughters
like so much luggage.
She gave away her soul
as if it didn't make a difference.
She gave away her soul,so she
could get high again.
She just had to have her fucking high.
She had to have those fucking meds.
They killed her off nice and slow
those idiot doctors,pretend to be blind
they are responsible
they could have stopped
should have stopped
handed out her death in doses
shot her up in the hospitals
she swallowed down their lies
they handed hers out to her in bottles
handed out her death in doses,
My friend,she died,
she left me behind,
she didn't say goodbye,
she swallowed all her poisons,
swallowed all her poisons.

untitled yet again

burning desire
burning wildfire
smoke comes from me
from my body entire
I have to kiss your tender lips
gotta feel your feather kiss
touch you with my fingertips
burn my skin,grant my wish
I bathe you with my steamy tongue
lick your feet, your chest, your chin,
take it all into my mouth
spilling out,spilling out,
burning desire,
burning wildfire,
smoke comes from me
from my body entire
I must caress
I must obsess
I've got to go
down,down ,down on you
I've got to get you in,
deep within myself
gentle grip,pulsing love,
at the tip on with the glove
push inside,push inside
ride the pleasure tide
push inside, push inside.

well that it for now.Asta la pizza

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

I guess I am full of mularky

I guess I am full of shit! Because here at home I sit!
Jen was here and fixed the computer!
I am so glad to be home
smokin cigs and chattin on my phone!
Iv'e come back to blogspot
to amuse all you LOT! ha ha ha !!!!

Okay on with the story of my teenage tornado!
She was high when we finally got her in the car, she admitted it,
I don't know what to do with this young storm of mine, I have about as much control over her as the newsman does a hurricane,
she is driving me crazy and she hurt us all pretty badly saying terrible things about us.
Anyway she is no longer allowed around her aunt and uncle they want nothing to do with her and I can't hold it against them, It does hurt though that they have given up on her.
I believe that if you love someone you don't give up on them. PERIOD.
Even if they hurt you with words or accusations or actions that you don't approve of.
Well I guess I will figure it all out at some point. But I have a feeling it won't be until I am a grandma!

relegated to the library

MY friends poor computer has taken a dive!So here I sit at my local library and I am actually happy because this computer is so much faster then my friends jurassic anchor.
BUt I am also unhappy because alas the library is not open at night when I most like to be online.There are is wn entire host of folks who are night owls and as we night owls know we are the most interesting bunch! I don't know how long it will take before I am back online at home, My wopnderful ex is coming over to try to solve the problem, in the meantime I will make it to the library as often as I can or I will diturb my neighbors peace and quite because I MUST check my email everyday and I MUST blog at least every other day if not every day because I am now addicted to getting things off my chest!
I am hoping that the problem will be solved quickly as it is driving me crazy not to be able to smoke as I sit here! In other news of the4 get it iff your chest type, my daughter ran away yesterday, i found her of course but I had to call the police because we are of the dramatic sort (she gets it from me ) and she wouldn't come out of her friends house and her friends mother wasn't home, there neighbor got involved (very nice lady actually) and she called the mother at work and they all (cops and mother) showed up at pretty much the same time. The child came home with me and she was stoned out of her gourd more later I have but a few minuites

Monday, December 20, 2004

In Memory Of My Beautiful Berta

My Beautiful Berta,
You where the sunshine that I looked forward to seeing every time I went to work.Your smile rivaled the light of every star in the sky.
Your laugh would traverse the room and soon every mood was lighter.
The things that you taught me even in your silence will never be forgotten or dismissed.
The teddy bears we all gave you will go on to give abused children comfort.
The seeds from the flowers in your garden will continue to bring beauty into the world you have left behind.
The kindness and love in your eyes will be a cherished memory that will help us all keep going in our darker moments.
You taught school in 1908 in a one room school house,teaching all grades at once!
The skills you developed as a teacher stayed with you for the remainder of your days, you found a way to communicate with all of us without speaking or even pointing to the object that you wanted, Your eyes expressed everything with a slight tilt or nod of your head.And the smile that came to your face when we got it right!
Words cannot express how much you gave to me just by being you, words cannot express how much I love you and how much I will miss you.
I know that you are happy now Dancing and singing and god is probably thinking with a wink " lady please be quite."!!! I am sure you are talking everyones ears off after so many years of almost total silence. I will see you eventually when it is my time to return home, which I hope is not for a very long time!!!
I am sure you understand that! I love you Berta and I will miss you so very very much.
In the meantime I will carry you in my heart always and thoughts of you will brighten my every day!

When God closes one door he opens another.

until it all ends,
Hey You!

Sunday, December 19, 2004

My fuali results!

Such fun was that!
I would like to take a moment to suggest that everyone go to
Hilarious! Celebrity fight matches! I would love to see Miss Piggy verses Yoda! Now that would be a fight!
Anyway the tests are absolutely hilarious and I just had to take them all!
Even the metrosexual one that is suppossed to be for just the guys!
Okay results are as follows.
47%white trash (I don't live in a trailer,but almost everyone I know is or has been a truck driver,tugboat captain,or commercial fisherman)
65%hippie (Peace not war man)
2%Bitch ( my friends tell me that I really need to work on that)
75%grunge( I swear to god I created that in 8th grade,and I swear to god that Kurt saw me and stole it,although I did meet him once and thought he was very nice)
52%evil genius) MUAHHHHHHHH
52%Tortured artist( my house is messy enough to prove it!)
66%Metal Head(OZZY! OZZY! OZZY!)This test asks if you know who Eddy is,And I do,)( Iron Maiden is the only clue you get)
49%Goth (My friend takes credit for creating that when she was in fifth grade, I swear on a stack of spell books)
12%Geek( I need to up my points on that one)
35% internet addict(Give me a week and I will retake that one!)
46%emo( I don't even know what this is,but the results told me to stop looking at my shoes :) I hardly ever even where shoes so this made me laugh histerically)
17% ska ( don't really know what this is either and the results called me a poser!!! LOL)
9% metrosexual ( this was the one just for the guys, I was happy with the result because I think those kind of guys are ridiculous and need to relax.Sorry cousin larry)( He irons his money folks!)
and last but not least
11%raver( this I was impressed with since I have never been to a Rave!)

Seriously check it out the sight is full of great fun!

Ps. As always Thankyou Rath,
And thankyou smokysmurf for your lovely comments!

The hunt for strawberry chapstick

Yes the hunt for strawberry chapstick!
It is of utmost importance! You see, My niece lived with me for awhile when she was three years old.At the same time my best friend also lived with me and he LOVES strawberry chapstick, and always had some in his pocket,well one day my niece had dry lips and she said they hurt so my friend put some strawberry chapstick on her.About two hours later she went up to him and patted his pocket,(Now this is signifigant as for the first week or two she would barely look at him and was still pretty much avoiding him at this point)and she said "a straw berrY Unka D?"
Well he melted right there on the very spot.(seriously it took me forever to clean up the mess) And gave her some more strawberry!
Well it was bedtime after that and she went to bed after giving everyone kisses,(including my friend/for the first time!)
The next morning she woke up bright and early and came downstairs and pulled his blanket back and patted his pocket,"a straw berrY unka D?"
Well he of course gave her some and then he made her breakfast and they were absolutely insperable after that. Seriously if either one of us went to leave she screamed and threw a hairy cat fit.
Anyway he ran out of strawberry chapstick and we haven't been able to find any since...
It is christmas and I REALLY wanted to find some and send some to my friend and some to my niece.
I went to the dollar store today and they had boxes and boxes of the stuff!
So I bought 23! I have sent 8 to my friend and two to my niece.
She's five she doesn't need more then two at a time.
But for the next several months I am going to send one to each of them!
Ah memories, I am so crying right now!
hold on....ah thats better.
A little strawberry chapstick will fix anything.

What a wonderful way for this christmas to have worked out.
Thankyou Lord... and thankyou Santa Claus! I know you both had a lot to do with it..........

Saturday, December 18, 2004

purple anger

Somedays I get so angry I just want to go somewhere isolated and scream my fucking head off,I want to scream so loud and so long that my fucking lungs burst.Sometimes I get so angry that I feel my chest restrict and it actually causes me pain.
I just need to vent about what makes me so fucking insanely angry.
The Father of my children!
We will call him smeagle,just because he is just like smeagle in the way that he thinks only of himself and what he wants or needs or whatever.
He doesn't realize that he is no longer the most important person in his life.When he decided to put it where he put it, he was making a choice to possibly become a father,when we became parents twice over he should have realized at the moment of our oldest daughters birth that life no longer revolved around him,but instead would be centered on the helpless little being we BOTH brought into this world.
I am sick and tired of hearing about how he can't do this or that for the kids or with the kids because he has to think about himself right now,or he has to concentrate on him.
I am sick and tired of trying to explain to my children why daddy still hasn't gotten them the christmas presents he promised them every christmas for the past five years.
Someday he is really going to regret this choice,someday he is going to want to be around his girls and they are going to say."Gee dad I'm sorry but I really need to think about me right now, I am sorry you don't like your nursing home."
Then it will hit him full in the face what he missed by being absent from their lives.And when that day comes I will be to busy worrying about myself to give him a shoulder to cry on.

The least he could do is send them a christmas card or call or something.God I hate smeagle so fucking much sometimes,I just want to hang him up by his boys.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Kentucky Fried Boo Boo

Well, I have had quite the interesting day, Things have gone suprisingly well ever since last night and I finally got the time loss check I had been waiting for! YAY! okay everyone Christmas can now come back! I was able to get everyone on my list something!
And I got myself a fancy new celly! Woo Hoo.
And then today I paid some bills and watched my nephew for a bit and then went to Kentucky Fried Chicken to get dinner and they gave me two of everything I ordered! Woops for them and YAY for me! SO I invited some folks over and we had a delicious dinner!
I know I know I should have taken it back when I realized what had happened, But it is so far away.........
Besides I happen to know that resteraunts give food away all the time and waste it and all kinds of stuff. The food they gave us on accident got eaten and that is all that matters! Just watch me
sell the devil and icecream!
Thankyou by the way to those who have commented I appreciate the feed back and request more. If you could see me right now I look like a lost puppy with big blue sad eyes and a gently wagging tail.( okay I have big blue eyes and no tail)( But who's looking anyway!)
Well I need to go and do some more damn laundry, I swear that stuff magically dirtifies itself.I wish it would walk its happy ass to the washer and then once clean jump on over to the drier and then TA DA it could fold itself and put itself away,oh and dishes should be the same way and the floors should be magically perpetually clean, Floors should EAT dirt instead of wearing it.
See the problem here is that most houses are built by men and men just normally don't think of these kinds of things. I need to become an architect,(with a magic wand)and I could build a house that was self cleaning. I bet I could do it!
something to ruminate about at the very least.
Fantasy fodder.........good stuff maynard.
Yup thats the shit!

Thursday, December 16, 2004

my two sense!

Well my female instincts are kicking in!
I have/had a friend who is a drug abuser.This is not a pretty sight. She damn near burned my house down falling asleep with lit cigarettes.Now she hates me because I kicked her out. Now I find out that she is staying at a hotel and is complaining to her near ex that no one will help her and she is alone in the big bad scary world. Well if she hadn't alienated and pissed off all her friends she wouldn't be alone. But all she really cares about is getting her drugs.
She has abandoned her children in various places around the country. And is now living in my near vacinity. My dilema...... I want to go save her..
It's a bird ! It's a plane ! It's super QUEEN!!!!!!!
I think I need to rethink my thinking! She could have cost my children their lives. And she blames everyone else for her problems. Like its all my fault that she came to Washington and no one here will help her now.
Like I twisted her arm and made her leave her husband, like I tied her up and made her cheat on evey guy she has ever been with, like I put a gun to her damn fool head and made her use everyone she has ever known.
Okay rethinking accomplished!!!!!!!!

Whew! Saved myself on that one!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Thankyou Sir Rathwell

Sir Rathwell I dedicate this entry to you, just as I threatened to do!
thankyou so very much for all your help.You are trully a Knight in shining
leather!!!!!!!!!!!! The world needs more MEN like you!
Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

chinese pizza

Out here in the great northwest, us rock fans listen to KISW!
And on KISW there is a really great dj named Ricker.And Ricker does this very funny, hilarious actually, chinese pizza skit.Well today that skit just happens to reflect my life.I got FIRED from the pizza place! I feel like the biggest loser on the frickin planet! YES I know I hated that job, it sucked and you know I had a hard time seeing in the dark and all but still, how fucking pathetic to get fired from such a cheesy job ( I know I know...cheesy! lol) But its the truth!!!!! OH god! And right before christmas. Dammit!
I went job hunting all day yesterday and today so maybe someone will call me back about one of the 27 jobs I applied for.In the meantime I will just bury my head in the frickin sand!!! Ech what the hell am I worried about, it was a delivery job and it sucked and I can do soooooo way better then that.I am worth a helluva lot more then 7.16 an hour.
I wish I could just win the lottery or something(don't we all) Then I could take the kids traveling around the world and maybe we could have real chinese pizza delivered by a chinese man on a bicycle!No seriously I would love to take the kids to Disney Land and The Taj Mahal.My Aunt recently went to India and sent back a beautiful pic of the Taj Mahal.
I was sent reeling into fantasy land of visiting there someday and you guessed it eating chinese pizza on the steps!
Well I suppose I should jump out of lala land and get back to doing something productive,it is time to fix dinner...I wonder if there is a word for pizza in chinese?????huh.