Monday, October 31, 2005

A to Z Meme!!!

Thankyou dl!!! I got tagged and I am going to tag some folks with this one so read to the end!!!
A to Z meme
A - Age of your first kiss: 12
B - Band you are listening to right now: Norah JOnes
C - Crush: SOOO very many!!!
D - Dad's name: Dennis
E - Easiest person to talk to: Derek
F - Favorite ice cream: Rootbeer
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears: YUK
H- Hometown: Marysville
I - Instruments: I can play a good bit of piano
J - Junior High: Marysville Junior HIgh
K - Kids: 3 girls. 14.almost 11 and just turned 9, I also have a step son but I have never seen him.
L - Longest car ride:From here to Marysville California
M - Mom's name: Joan
N - Nicknames: The Queen, Queenie, Beezerboo, Bumwheez, Neece, Beez..
O - One wish: I'm not telling
P - Phobia: Clowns.
Q - Quote: It will all come out in the wash.
R - Reasons to smile:Amanda. Sierra. Lynndsey
S - Scent: Rose
T - Time you woke up today: Did I sleep?
U - Unknown fact about me:There are some people that I secretly hate and would love to hire a hit man.
V - Values:What are those? J/K!! I believe in treating everyone as though they are precious to me. Why? Because they are precious to someone including GOD. (Damn values,keeps from hiring that hitman!!)
W - Worst luck with: MEN
X-rays you've had: I don't think I own a part that hasn't been e~rayed, Ultra sounded, Cat scanned, or MRI'D.
Y- Years since you've been to church: At least 6. I don't believe in churches, GOd isn't in a building, and neither is Goddess. SPirituallity cannot be bought and sold.
Z- ZAP AND ZING: the sound that Jerzee, Pep, Monkey, and Steel Cowboy feel as they are drive by tagged by a runaway Queen. !!! MUUUAAAHHHHHH

Sunday, October 30, 2005

V's Mom

Terry is improving a little bit at a time, they are cautiously optimistic.
She can still make a turn for the worse. V and her family would like to express there gratefulness to each and every person who has prayed and /or sent positive thoughts. Your prayers are working and this means a tremendous amount to all of them. Thankyou from all of us.
Please keep the prayers coming..please...

Saturday, October 29, 2005


Copy this entire list into your blog.BOLD everything about you that is true.Leave plain anything that is false about you.Put an asterisk (*) at the end of false statements you would LIKE to be true.

I have had sex while wearing a blindfold.
I have blindfolded someone else during sex.
I have had sex while watching porn.
I have had sex while surfing porn on the Internet.
I sleep better after sex.
There are some nights I cannot sleep without sex or masturbating.

The bed is NOT my most favorite place to have sex.
I am turned on knowing someone is watching me masturbate.
I have masturbated for someone over a web cam.
I have had sex over a web cam.
I will have sex with someone I just met if they turn me on.
I have been tied up during sex.
I have had sex with someone who was tied up.

I have dripped wax onto a lover's body.
I have had a lover drip wax onto my body.*
I have a foot fetish.
I have a leather fetish.
I have a tickle fetish.
I like being choked during sex.
I have had sex in a burning building.
I have erotic art on display somewhere in my residence.
I enjoy nudie magazines.

Erotic toys are a regular part of my budget.
I think PLAYBOY is tame, maybe even boring.
I have clicked on porn links in my email.
I know the difference between girl/girl and lesbian sex in porn.*
I have watched more than one gay/lesbian porn video.
Much of what I know about sex comes from porn.
Interracial sex turns me on.
I think we should do more to understand the cultures of sex.
I would participate in sex research given the opportunity.
My current lover does not sufficiently meet my sexual needs.
I currently have a "crush" on someone of the same sex.
I have had sex at my place of employment.
I am often disappointed in my sexual relationships.
Some people might describe me as a nymphomaniac.*
I am difficult to live with if I'm not having sex on a regular basis.
I sleep better with someone snuggled up next to me.
I have had sex under water.
I have had sex in the snow.

I am in a polyamorous relationship.
I have to have music playing while having sex.
I have had more than ten orgasms in one night.
I have flashed strangers.
I have given sex as a gift.
I have set-up a three-way for my lover.

I stopped during this list to have sex*

Please see also the post below. I couldn't resist posting this too as it was fun and helped get my brain back in place.


I don't know how Terry is, please keep praying.

Sierra drew me this because I am sad.
Image hosted by

Because I believe I found my big orange boy, in a notebook with the listings of deceased animals found on the sides of roadways. There was a description of a large Orange male cat with a pink collar.
Image hosted by

I really hope that book is wrong. I am not good at goodbyes.

Friday, October 28, 2005



Thursday, October 27, 2005

Some days

Image hosted by

This is how I feel.
Sexy, dark, hidden, and a figment of some ones brilliant imagination.


Name someone with the same birthday as you.
Actually I don't know anyone with my same birthday....weird.
Where was your first kiss?
At a grade school, I was in first grade! My first french kiss was also at a grade school but I was in sixth grade and that was just the make out spot. I will never forget that moment. I will never forget that boy. J. N. where ever you are......THANKYOU!!!
Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Yup, had too.
Have you ever sang in front of a large group of people.
yes, many times, and yet I am always shy about it unless I am in my car singing at the top of my lungs.
What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?
Eyes, neck, shoulders, chest, arms, and hands.
What really turns you on?
soft caresses, a low deep voice, and direct eye contact.
What do you order at Starbucks?
What is your biggest mistake?
What mistakes? I don't make those, I make learning opportunities!
Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Yes several times.
Say something totally random about yourself.
Sometimes I must have a look of stupidity about me, because there are times when some one is explaining something to me, and they look at me with a tilted head and ask me, " are you understanding this?" As though I were the village idiot.
Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?
I don't think so, unless it was Shamoo.
Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Yes, ssshhhhhh....
Did you have braces?No.
Are you comfortable with your height?
Actually I sometimes wish I was shorter or taller. Depending on my mood. Or how tall that hot guy right there is....
What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?
Made me a great candle lit dinner, washed my hair, gave me a massage and made love to me all night long..... (sigh).
When do you know it's love?
You just know.
Do you speak any other languages?
I understand a few words of French, Japanese, Spanish, and German. Thats about it, a few words.
Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
Once, and I wasn't impressed, it doesn't make sense to me. the sun is freeking FREE people!!!
What magazines do you read?
Whatever is less the two dollars.
Have you ever ridden in a Limo? Never.
Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
People I love very very much have gone over to the other side, but so far no one that I can say I was really close to.
Do you watch MTV? Yes absolutely!!!
What's something that really annoys you?
People that wear Patchoulli.. man that stuff is nasty!
What's something you really like?
The smell of dew covered old fashioned roses first thing in the morning.
Do you like Micheal Jackson?Never have, never will.
Can you dance?When I am alone in my house I can do anything I want.
What's the latest you have ever stayed up?How many days in a row counts as late?
Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance to the emergency room?Yes, many many times.
Do you read this when someone fills them out?Yes, I love to fill these out and I love to read them!!!
I won't tag anyone, because I wasn't tagged. But I would love to see some folks tag themselves!!!

Just one of the many reasons I love him!!
Image hosted by

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


Image hosted by

Kajun my big fat orange boy, I don't know where you are.
We all miss you and hope you find your way home soon.
You are a wonderful kitty catter. So loved. Even though you didn't know what a litter box was and even though you get cranky when someone pets you too much.
We want you to come home. Please boy don't be hurt or laying in a ditch somewhere.


Tuesday, October 25, 2005


Image hosted by

Derek I miss you!!!!!!


My head is swimming,
my heart is Beating fast.
My arms aching to hold.
one so far away.

My lips tingle
with anticipation
waiting for a moment
To meet with one
so very far away.

I want to be
A long way from here
in the arms of a man
A man I have come to love.

My eyes tear
with the thought that
I may never hold him in my gaze
I may never look upon his face

My cheeks warm
almost feel his breath
My shoulders heavy
almost feel the weight of his arms.

So far,
So far,
So far away.....

Monday, October 24, 2005


Image hosted by

Image hosted by

Image hosted by

Thankyou dear lady, you did ever so much more then refuse to move.

And now a few thoughts from our sponsor......

Sometimes its nice just to write about what ever comes to mind.
Today those thoughts are sponsored by the letters O. U. C. And H.
Yes thats right folks that spells OUCH.
I feel like someone is trying to rip out my guts.
It it unknown wether is attributed to stress, stress, the new med, or stress.
It has occured to me that even laughter can hurt when your stomach is trying to take your life.
I know my posts lately have been whiny and bitchy, I know I am complaining a lot. I do apologize I know I am usually much more positive. Every now and then after the full moon I feel the need to purge myself of the negative thoughts and emotions I have built up since the last full moon.
So here goes.
1) I hate it when I am an idiot.
2) I am frequently an idiot.
3) some people really really really piss me off.
4) Sometimes finding out that something you suspected all along is true, It isn't the relief you think it might be to know you were right.
5) Sometimes I make sense to no one but me.
6) Number five really pisses me off.
7) I hate it when my children do not listen to me.
8) I hate the fact that I have to clean my kitchen five times a day because I cannot CANNOT handle it being messy.
9) I hate the fact that I feel like biting everyones heads off right now and feeding said heads to Satan.
10) I am getting cranky because I quit my job, Which was dumb, got another one, and an 87 year old woman decided that i am too young to care for her. And now i am searching for another job, so desperate am I for a job that I interviewed for a telemarketing position today. ( insert LONG PIERCING MOURNFUL SCREAM)
11) Moo just came in and asked if I wanted anything at the store. Um Yeah I do actually. Do they make creamfilledchocolate cheetos with nuts and nicotine??
12) I know secrets and I want to TELL SOME ONE.
13) I hate being stressed out and feeling like I need to scream but I can't.
14) Sometimes I want to kick my dog, cat, kid/s, friends, moo, sister, Dave, Derek, my car, the slow old lady pushing her cart in front of me, the guy talking on his cell phone who practically ran over three kids, my dog...
15) Sometimes when I shake someones hand for the first time. Especially a man. I want to ask " Did you wash that?"
16) Somedays I feel like wearing a t~shirt that says, " BOW TO ME I AM THE QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE." and if someone doesn't bow, I will have a big ugly dude willing to kill just for fun staning next to me with a chainsaw .
17) Sometimes I wish I had the nerve to say how I really feel about things. .......

Sunday, October 23, 2005



Weather blues

I think the stupid weather has me feeling blue. I don't feel well today at all. But I am mostly just really tired. I think all those nights of not being able to sleep have caught up with me and now I just want to lay in bed and not move, or do anything productive at all. Today would be a great day to have someone to cuddle up with and just spend the day in bed talking, and holding eachother, and laughing and napping. Africa calls to me............

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Great Doc!!

I finally found a trully great Doctor!!! I have never had such a wonderful doctor my whole entire life. Unfortunatley I can only see her for L & I stuff until I get insurance of some kind. She is very concerned about my health and well being. My god I just can't get over how awesome she was. For the first time in my life I feel like a Doctor actually gives a flying fuck monkey about me. She had so many questions. And she made sure the nurse made our next appointment for a half hour instead of the regular 15 minutes because she felt she needed to spend more time with me. She ordered ex~rays and physical therapy, massage therapy, and acupuncture therapy. She wrote two prescriptions for meds she felt would really help me. Meds my regular Doc never ever suggested. She completely explained what she thought was going on and how she felt the different treatments would help. She gave me two wrist braces to wear to bed because she wants to rule out carpal tunnel. She had me hold my hands a certain way as one test, and thumped my wrists with her hands for another. It hurt but my fingers didn't tingle. So for the next month I get to sleep with braces on my wrist. And at the next appointment she will test again. That way she will know if the numbness and weakness in my hands is from my back, or carpal tunnel. Also I have no reflexes whatsoever. Not in my knees, my ankles, or my elbows, and wrists. I also can't feel the bottom of my feet a lot of the times. The just go numb. She said that wasn't good and she wants to do a lot of things. She can treat some of my other health issues as they may be related to my back and the injury I recieved a year ago. I gotta get some kind of health insurance. I really believe this Doctor can help me figure out what the hell is going on with me and why, and that she will be willing to do something about it. Virginia Mason choose right when they hired her.
I can't believe its almost Halloween:)
I love Halloween!!!
I just hate trick or treating.
I hope you all have a fabulous day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Friday, October 21, 2005


I spell it like this.
I G O T M Y B E D !!!!!!!
I AM SO HAPPY:):):):):):):):):):)
Can you hear me snoring??

There is a sleep fairie over my head!
Image hosted by


Thursday, October 20, 2005


Image hosted by

I have done so much of this, my lips hurt.
I am tired of kissing kissing and kissing frogs and never ever finding a prince or even a nice pauper for that matter.
One of these days I know the man of my dreams will pull his head out of his ass and find me. Or maybe I will pull my head out of my ass and find him;)
Either way one of us needs to do the finding soon. I am scared to death of being in a relationship again. And I have said over the past few years that I was ready kinda.
And I still feel that way. But I was thinking about it and I don't think I have ever met anyone ever that was "ready". We are all very unready in a lot of ways.
Love takes us by suprise, it shocks us, and it takes over our lives not just our hearts. For me I think it is the taking over my life part that scares me the most.
I have given myself plenty of time for me. Plenty of time for my kids, plenty of love has been given to me by me. I have gotten to know who I am and what I am about. What I believe in and what I don't. I am ready to share that knowledge with someone who loves me and wants to know those things. I am ready to learn those things about someone I love. I am ready for holding and snuggling and kissing and confiding. I am not ready for living with and answering to. I am ready to go out and have a good time with someone. I am not ready to spend every waking moment thinking of how someone else is going to react to what I might be doing at any given moment. I am not ready to have someone ask me where the hell I have been because I am a few minutes later then they expected. I want to be loved and cherished. I do not want to be lorded over or mistaken for a doormat. I won't tolerate being treated like that. I will not tolerate someone wanting me to change for them. I won't, I am me, if you love me you love my faults and quirks too. Period. One of those is that I won't be bossed around and I will not be walking on egg shells. That is a skill not a quirk or a fault by the way. I miss having someone to hold on to at night. Hell I miss pushing someone away because they want to make love to me as I am making dinner.
What is it with men and that anyway?????? That makes me miss Jason...... god I hate him.Okay, I don't hate him, I hate the way he makes me feel, I hate that I miss him even though things went so very wrong. I hate that at one point he was my best friend and at another he was absolutely the enemy. I hate that I wanted to love him for the rest of my life, and now I don't even know where he is. This is an entire different post though.
Anyway, I am ready and I am not ready. I will never be ready to deal with certain things that are sure to come up. I have come to understand though that I will not be ready ever. So if I want someone to be in love with and be loved back, If I want someone to hold onto at night and someone to talk to about anything and everything. I need to just go out and find it.
I have a first meeting Sunday night at five. I am scared to death.
Will someone hold my hand and tell me it will be okay?

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

A Rose In Bloom

Image hosted by
I just want everyone to see something beautiful ( besides me) when they come to my page today.
I also want to thank you all for helping me blossom into the person that I am today almost 1 year after I began blogging. So much has changed. About me, about the way I see things. So many times blogging has saved me from myself. Thankyou all of you who come here. And thankyou to all of you who have been here since the beggining and stayed through all the laughter and the tears equally:)
Please take away with you the image of this rose today and think of what a beautiful person you are, and know that I am glad for one, to know you and love you.


Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Disapointments and Definitions

Sometimes life is very strange. I got a call last night that the lady I was hired to take care of decided that she was not comfortable with how old I am. In other words I am too young and inexperienced.I totally understand though.I know when I a Doctor walks into my room I expect them to be of a certain age. Right wrong or indifferent that is how I feel. It is easy to understand then that compared to an 87 year old woman. I at 34 am indeed young! Okay I am sorry I just cannot be offended that someone thinks I am young. We will just all forget ( you know feel a fog washing over your memory) that she is 50+ years older then me. ( what was that you said?)
Anyway, I took today to kind of regroup. I am disapointed that things didn't work out. I really enjoyed her company. However I realize that it just means that there is something better out there. Something that I should be doing, somewhere I am meant to be. I need to take care of people in some copacity before I end up taking in every homeless person in the city. I have many places to take my resume tomarrow, along with ten thousand other things to do. Including arranging for someone to send me flowers. Make people around here wonder who I am getting flowers from!!!
I just want to do something to make me feel good about me.
I am so exhausted lately that I am getting blue and lagging in energy reserves. I feel blah, and like I got hit by a truck. I have been researching things to and it has come to my attention that not getting the propper rest causes a person to be more susceptible to stress, which causes more cortisol production, which makes you not sleep, etc etc and its a vicious cycle and I really need some kind of drug to make me sleep because I am getting fatter again. I always wondered why every time I go through a bought of insomnia I gain weight. Now I know. I need drugs, Wanda I believe you will agree with me on that one!
I have alot more to say I just don't have the umph to type it all out.....



Image hosted by
I think halloween is sneaking up on me!!!

Monday, October 17, 2005

In general

Well, here we go, Drama yesterday, and now there is drama today. Only this drama is between my daughters. Sisters are hard on eachother man.
Makes me kinda glad I wasn't raised with Princess T. We had enough ups and downs as it was the past 13 and a half years. I can't imagine what we would have put eachother through if we had grown up together. Bitchin about who had how much of the room, who made eyes at who's boyfriend. Who got an a and who got an a-. I am glad that we met when I was twenty and she was 17. We had already done all that with our friends! Of course the shit we did put eachother through hit deeper because we didn't know eachother all that well. There were so many times when I wondered if things would be different if we had known how the other would react to certain words or actions. And would we have changed how we treated eachother, or would we have went ahead and been so raw and honest anyway.
It makes me think of how I am raising my children also. Allowing them to settle most arguements and problems amongst themselves. Moo hasn't interviened much between me and T and Sev. But we are all older. I wonder how much she would have interviened between us when we were little.
I have rules like no hitting and I make them stop yelling at eachother. I want them to learn to talk things out. I know that will come easier with age. I just want them to know how to talk to eachother now. I think that problem solving skills start at home. If they learn how to deal with eachother diplomatically and with cool heads I believe they will be much more capeable of doing so with others. Just as we teach our children honesty and to respect themselves and others. We need to teach them communication skills. But how much do we teach them and how much do they learn on their own?
I need to do some more cleaning. I can't stand when the house feels dirty or disorganized. I want everything in its place.
I got the birds for Sierra today. I think she was shocked to see them. I asked her if she saw anything because she didn't say anything. She saws " yah, I see two cocktails." Too funny! They are cockatiels! We can't drink birds:)
The birds are sweet and so is the ktten I got yesterday. She is an absolute lover.
( Wanda, Moo is my : Mother Of Origin or MOO:)
I needed a way to keep the two straight. My mom, who I am angry with. and my Moo who lives with me now.
I think I have issues with breaking away from parental figures. )
Please Please Please visit Rebekah. She is not doing well again and needs more prayers to see her home again hopefully at the end of the week!!

Sunday, October 16, 2005


26) I want my mtv
27) I love KISW and RICKER ROCKS!!
28) My favorite music is old and makes you feel like moving
29) I secretly love classical music
30) Halloween is my favorite holiday but I have always hated trick or treating.( to me Halloween is about other things)
31) I can't stand perfumes
32) I can't wash my clothes if I don't have downy
33) I only use DOVE soap, shampoo, conditioner, lotion.....
34) I hate toothpaste and I only use it once a day, all though I usually brush my teeth two to three times.
35) I absolutely must have candles and incense in my house.
36) I have been quit for 4 Months, 4 Weeks, 19 hours, 34 minutes and 33 seconds (150 days). I have saved $1,017.99 by not smoking 4,524 cigarettes. I have saved 2 Weeks, 1 Day and 17 hours of my life. My Quit Date: 5/18/2005 8:30 PM
37) I am extremley proud of number 36
38) I wish I was a fairie, I am facsinated by creatures with wings.
39) I am horrible at math
41) I have always wanted to make a quilt
42) I am afraid of loving someone again
43) Sometimes I feel like I am the worlds dumbest person
44) I love my new job
45) I got another kitten today. She is now Lynnies and her name is Sunny.
46) Sierra wrote me a note yesterday asking me to but her cricits for Lola. Her anole/ gecko/iguana. ( it is considered all three) Now I have all the cashiers at Pet Pourri calling crickets cricits!!
47) I still want a puppy and have decided to go ahead and save up money to get Pan a pug for christmas!!! SSSHHHHHHHHH
48) My brother is more intelligent then I thought.
49) I hate my car and can't wait to sell the fucking thing
50) Nejifer told me I am " so strange." ( and her first clue was???)

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Just a few things...

Image hosted by
1) I am a tie dye freak
2) I love my poster of Sting
3) I am extremely loyal
4) I try to live every day with integrity. ( I don't always succeed)
5) I adore the elderly.
6) I love babies
7) Most children drive me fucking nuts ( but I love them anyway)
8) My nephew R.C. is my favoritist little boy in the whole world.
9) I love Nickleback
10) My very bestest friend is a man named Derek. ( he is also frequently an ass)
11) The friend that I have had the longest is Tracy. ( since first grade)
12) The friend that I have had the longest that I talk to all the time is Veronica. ( since sixth grade)
13) My most treasured friend is Dave. ( since eigth grade) He is also basically my brother in law now.
14) The friend that understands me best is Jen.
15) I forgot what I was going to say next. ( crs strikes again)
16) I collect frogs
17) I love my dad more then I love my mom, and I love my moo more then I love either of them.
18) Sharon has caused me the most pain of all my friends.
19) My children are priceless to me and of no consequence to their fathers.
20) I love iced tea
21) I hate mushrooms ( I say this in all my lists)
22) I just moved to a much better place and I feel as though my whole life is changing for the better because of it.
23) I am fond of saying things like." It will all come out in the wash."
24) I am not always as smart as my advice to others makes me seem.
25) There have been times in the past when I should have kept my mouth shut.
I am going to add to this over the next few days. Right now I have to go walk my dog before I go to work. I got called in two days early because the other person they hired decided not to show up.
******Jac, you are amazing.....*****

Friday, October 14, 2005

Some peoples children

Well my stupid brother was supposed to buy my car but he flaked out on me because he is my stupid brother. ( side note... I will be mentioning my stupid brother as many times as possible in this post) Anyway, I have to call Devry and see when he can help me go get Landons bed. I am buying that for 400.00 dollars. It is a beautiful california king rice bed. Rice because of the carvings on the posts. Anyway. I am excited about getting the bed, but I was supposed to give Landon some money this weekend and now it will have to wait until Monday because of my stupid brother. I think he just didn't want to part with that much money, and wanted to take his stupid girlfriend out for dinner with one of the guys she is probably ballin behind my stupid brothers back. Huh, wow, didn't know I was THAT mad..
Anyway, I also didn't get my L& I check in the mail yet. And the stupid L & I lady ( I seriously do not know how she has not managed to get fired yet) Doesn't quite understand that I am owed a check. She said another one will be going out on the seventeenth. Well thats fabulous but what about the one I was supposed to recieve Tuesday but didn't because they had the city wrong in my address????HMMMMM....I am sure somehow that this is all my stupid brothers fault. No, I don't know how yet, but give me time, I will make up something really good and dramatic, worthy of being either on Jerry or the next hot new day time soap.
Stupid brother.
I was looking through adds, trying to find a puppy and came across an add for a year and a half old lab. I would love to have a lab. I have always wanted a lab. For as long as I can remember. I also very much want an Irish wolfhound. I know I am weird. I would have ten thousand dogs if I could. But I can't possibly which I am sure is all do to my stupid brother. ( DO NOT BURST MY BUBBLE!)
I have to call the lady back on Sunday evening to set up a time to go look at him with my kids and me and Moos dogs. I want to see how they all interact. I don't want to bring a dog home and then have it chase my little dogs, or my cats, All though I wouldn't mind at all if he chases my stupid brother.
I wonder if my stupid brother will choke just a tiny bit on his steak tonight at dinner????
And is it totally evil of me to wish that he does, and when he does that he thinks to himself," I should bought my sisters car." Then he can stop choking. You know I don't want him to die or anything. I just want him to choke a little. Stupid fucking brother anyway.

Amazingly when I went to google images and typed in STUPID BROTHER
there where ten pages that popped up. This says so much more then I ever could!!
Here are two images that struck me as funny.
Image hosted by
Image hosted by
The fact that there is a flower called super stupid brother has got me rollin!!!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Lots to do!

Well today is the day that I go over to the old house for almost the last time. Today is final cleaning day. I have to scrub the floors and kick boards and wash the windows and wash out the fridge. It will take me all day to do by myself. The house was huge. I loved that house, but now all I feel is relief that I don't have to live there anymore and I don't have to ever clean it again after today. It has all wood floors and linoleum. There is only carpet in the bedroom downstairs and the stairs and bedrooms upstairs. Thankgod I cleaned upstairs out months ago and got that completely done.just thinking about doing it now gives me a headache. There really isn't that much to do. If the house was smaller it would only take about an hour. But because of its hugeness I will be there all day. T was gonna help me. But now her and Dave are going to rearrange there house because Dave actually has a day off for once on a weekday other then Tuesday. I am getting very happy that I will only be at that house a few more times before I never go there again!!! My dad and I have to empty out the shed from years of tenants including myself and people that have stayed with me. And then I need to get my bed. I told my moo this morning that I cannot sleep on this stupid bed one more night. I want my bed back. PERIOD!
So now I have to try to figure out a way to get it here. HMmmmm. Well I hope you all have a really great day today. I'll be thinking of you as I scrub the floors and wash the walls....heh...

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


I applied for a job last week to take care of one 87 year old woman. I interviewed last Saturday and they said they would call to let me know if I got the job. I had faith that I would get it. I was awesome and I knew I was the right person for the job. It is the perfect job for me. Yesterday when I quite my job I knew I just had to put my faith in god that things would work out. I had put angels to work to help me and my sis told me to thank god for the perfect job. She said it just works. So I thanked him for the perfect job. I had faith in him and in myself to the point that I followed my heart and quit that aweful driving job. I just got a phone call. I got the job I so very much wanted!!!!! I meet with them Sunday to get my schedule and go over how they want things done. I am so excited I feel like I am coming out of my skin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Well I did it......

Thats right I did it. I quit my job. I know I know, I am a nut job. But this morning I didn't even want to get out of bed. I couldn't sleep all night last night and then I was vomitting this morning because I was so stressed out. I went to work cuz I had the damn van and I told Jeanie that I was done. That I just couldn't do the job and she said she totally understood. She made me a small arrangement and a hug. I told her that I would love to come back and help her in the shop. ( IN THE SHOP) and she laughed and said she would probably be calling me come christmas time.
Then the owner came in and he also was very understanding and told me I would probably more then likely be asked to come in during the busy season to help in the shop and deliver local deliveries. There are certain areas I had no problem with. Anyway I left and started to feel this amazing sense of relief. I then went and put in an application and then went to my sisters house. Then I went to the school Pan is supposed to go to and was told that it would take two days to two weeks for her to get into school. Why you ask? Because she has an IEP and the school counselors have to get together about it and she has to be reevaluated. Tomarrow promises to be even busier. I have about twenty places to go to put in applications. I can't wait to get a different job. I even wrote down telemarketing jobs because I hated driving that much.

Monday, October 10, 2005


Well today I got to work in the rain, and into the night. Delivering flowers is not what it is cracked up to be. I fucking absolutely hate my god damn fucking Job. I know I should be glad I have one.But frankly at this point I am just ready to be done with it. I can't handle the stress. It is affecting every aspect of my life and my health. This morning everything was going wrong and I know it was because I knew I was getting ready for work and was nervous about getting lost again.
Which I did three thousand and eight times exactly. I delivered my last arragement at 7 pm. I started work at 9:30 am. I know it doesn't sound hard to drive around all day listening to music and stopping once and awhile and going for a bit of a walk. And to say it it actually seems pretty nice. But then you add in that you are always contending with traffic and people with road rage who are in the biggest hurry of their lives. And you add in to that that you are constantly on the lookout for the road sign you want or the house number or business sign you need. And to make matters even more fun you are half blind and miss half the shit you are looking for so you are continously having to find a way to turn the fuck around. Then for real joy you mix in that the stupid fucking Thomas guide is from 99 and is missing at least half of the shit you need it to have and, aaand you are in a hurry because you need to do at least four deliveries an hour. Piece of cake you say. figure in all of the above and then make each deliverie a half an hour apart. Every way from sunday.
Plus in their some where you have to stop and do the shopping for the shop. which is kinda fun because you get to use a credit card when you have never had one in your life because you know you would owe the king of Siam a fortune.
And that aint even the half of it.......
I am so stressed out and in so much pain, The only way I am sitting here now is because I took the hottest longest shower of my life and then laid on my bed for a half an hour. And I need to get this off my chest. I do not however have the steam or the painfreeness to visit anyone much so Please don't feel ignored. It is still going to be awhile before I get to spend an entire day at home just blogging. If I haven't stopped by in awhile don't feel bad. Just remind me to come see you. I love you all, I am so glad to have this sounding board, I hope that I help some of you as much as you guys help me...........

Sunday, October 09, 2005


I am not really happy today, I am not really unhappy though either.
Had a great start to my day, and the end of it ain't so bad. It was just one thing that happend earlier that upset me quite badly. I went to the old house to clean and stuff. My moo went with me and so did all the kids. We took out the garbage and swept the floors and I cleaned the kitchen counters and cupboards and the bathroom. We picked up the yard and got the bikes in the back yard and all that kind of stuff. We did a lot and there was still more to do. The hardwood and linoleum floors need to be scrubbed and the bedroom carpet needs to be vacuumed and I need to put another add in the paper for my bed. I went next door to tell my mom and dad that I would be back Thursday with my swiffer and my vaccuum and that I would clean all the floors then. I would do it tomarrow but I have to work. Today I just wanted to get everything out of there and clean up and get it ready to do the floors and windows. And thats what I did. The only thing left is the bed and one box in the laundry room that I didn't have room for in my car. And there is some stuff that needs to go to the dump in the shed. Which my dad and I already arranged. Anyway, my mom started yelling at me that I was using them and abusing them. That I promised I would have the house clean this weekend. Um no I said I was going to come this weekend and that I would get the rest of the stuff out of there except the bed because I need a truck to take it to the dump if no one wants it. Anyway, she kept yelling and then she told me to stop yelling at her. Um K. I am supposed to listen to your bs and not say a dammn word in defense of myself? I don't think so. I have never been a bite my tongue and take it kind of girl and I aint gonna start now! My dad was wondering what the hell her problem was.
I told him to go look at the house himself. It's empty. The floors are swept, etc etc, counters clean etc, etc, I just need one more day to get the details done, and unfortunaltey my schedule doesn't coincide with my moms. I have to work. Then she started yelling at me that Amanda isn't in school yet. Well I have done my part, we are waiting on the school now. Then my dad asked if the kids had beds yet. No they don't. I have to call Voa, and I am still looking in the paper. SO now I am a horrible mother because my kids are sleeping on the floor. Um they choose to do that half the time anyway! Its not hurting them and it won't hurt them even if they needed to sleep on the floor for a couple weeks. I have a coouch, they trade off. They have a nice roof over there head and they have clean clothes, and new shoes, and and and. My children are not suffering. I do everything in my power to make sure they are happy and loved. They aren't that worried about it. They know mom will get them beds, and I will.
Anyway, Moo had to make herself get in the car before she went to jail for assualting my mom. And the kids were asking her. " grandma Donna why is our other grandma saying that stuff and acting like that to our mom?" And Amanda got so mad at my mom she was screaming at her to just shut up. I hate going over there. I can't wait til Thursday and I have the place cleaned and I can just walk away from it all.

On a happy side note please visit my Moo's new blog!!!! YAY!!!!

For my friend because he was to chicken to give me his email addy cuz he didn't know what I was gonna send!!!

Image hosted by
Go to THIS site to find the above pic and more equally awesome!

Friday, October 07, 2005


There is just so much going on right now. I don't even know where to begin. I got a notice on my door today. Apparently there is some kind of building code violation going on with this building. SO thats lovely. Anyway, The apartment manager still needs to fix my shower doors and put a door in my bedroom and laundry room door jams. I still need to hang curtains in the entry hallway and the kids room for closet covers as there are no doors there either. There is one door in my room on the huge ass closet and its broken. I would have preferred for it to be taken out because it is quite ugly. I really can't complain though. I got half off the first months rent for cleaning the place myself. And if the repairs aren't made I will get half off next months rent too.
I have an interview tomarrow at 1:45 to take care of an 87 year old lady. Just her. Noc shifts.
Four nights one week three the next etc etc etc. I could do that! It would be way better then the job I have now and I wouldn't have to drive!!!!!!!!! YAY!! I gotta get that job. More pay too, and more hours. Wish me luck!
I haven't heard from Derek for about a week. Something is going on with his phone. And they still don't have a house phone from when kartrina roared through. A lot of stuff is still going crappy for him. He quit driving for Knight so he could stay home with his kids and family. He does not want to go on the road at all anymore and Knight is begging him to come back. They offered him a brand new truck and a raise if he would come back. He won't do it and I don't blame him. I think he might get desperate here pretty quickly though if he can't find a job soon.
He is used to having money in his pockets to do what he needs to do. Since I haven't talked to him for about a week I am hoping he got the job he was interviewing for on Monday and that he is working and thats why I haven't heard from him or been able to get ahold of him.
My cat Kajun freaked the hell out when we moved him from the house to here. Its been like hell for him, I am afraid to let him outside because I don't want him to run away or something worse. He is freaked out by the size of the building from the outside and I am afraid he wouldn't know how to get back once he is outside. But he has issues with litter boxes. As in he has never used one and doesn't know what the hell it is. So there for I am finding "gifts " on my fucking carpet.
The damn cat has to go outside, its him or me. I guess if something happens to him it does. I just tried to put him outside and he won't go!!! STUPID EFFING CAT (__)
****special not to uga buga lips**** MORE PORK FAT!!!!!*****
And with that I will bid you all a fair evening.
Princess I had a great time surprising buggboy for his birfday. In just 7 years he will be 18!!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Heres the beef

Well alot has happend in the last few weeks. I moved, I still have my job, yesterday was really bad I got sent to a neighboring county and had a panic attack. It was ugly. My boss understood though and so I have to be there Monday. Dammit! Lets see. When I moved it was just me and princess doing the moving. Thank god for sisters and children. My uncle Jerry passed away after having a terrible stroke. I don't know how to feel about that as he was innapropriate with me when I was little and when I was a teen. I love my Aunt and cousins though so I went to the funeral and I wrote a poem for him. It was more difficult to write that poem then any other I had ever written. How do you write about loving good memories when you have none? I had to imagine how is kids feel to get that.
Got a new couch and chair with ottaman from rent a center. Yeah yeah I know, but they are so perrty I couldna help myself. And so now I have a really great livingroom and a suckie bedroom. I had to leave my beloved bed behind. Thats okay. Out with the old in with the new.
So much has happend and I wanted to blog about it but now it has left my head. I wrote some stuff in microsoft word and saved it I just have to figure out how to post it now. I have missed being on line so much. Somedays I thought that I would crazy from not posting.
Pep, I never forget a friend either and I luv ya..
I love you all.
S.C. I would gladly go to your room, er my room, I don't think your beautiful lady would appreciate that though:)

Tuesday, October 04, 2005