Saturday, December 31, 2005

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe it is already a new year. 2006! Holy mother of WOW!
Its seems like just yesterday it was 1970 something and I was a kid in third grade wondering what it would be like in 2000. It seemed surreal. So far away. Now it is right here in front of us. So many things have changed in my life since that day. And so many many things have happend this year in my life and the lives of those I love. Many people have had their BIG graduation and went on to the other side. And others did things like Graduate from College YAY TANNIS!!!!!
What has changed specifically for me. Hmm my ex husband took a tenth month vacation where he disapered and no one knew where he was or even if he was alive. This turned out to be a good thing for him and for us, although it sure did piss me off at the time. I moved. Almost to The Gulf Coast, thankfully only to Everett. Although there is now a discussion of Florida again. I never learn do I !!
Lets see, my kids all turned a year older. I lost my best friend in the whole wide world for a time, then got them back and now have lost another best friend in the whole wide world and I don't know if it is forever or for a time. I sure miss him though. Made some new friends and had lots of fun going out and I actually DANCED!! For the first time in years and years IN PUBLIC!
I haven't really worked much this year, but things are definately looking up for next year. I am sure I landed a job doing collections and will be starting at the end of January beginning of February. Went through three cars this year. Sold a perfectly good car to my sister because I was gonna move across the continent.
Bought a car for 500.00 dollars that lasted six months and now I am on car number three that I bought for a hundred bucks and so far is getting me from a to z rather nicely. I have helped a few people move into their new homes. My folks new place included and its awesome.
Said goodbye to some people who needed to get gone, and hello again to some folks who needed to come home. Got some new pets. Learned a few lessons.
What is the most important thing I learned this year?
My favorite saying. It will all come out in the wash.
And it does.
Cuz, god does the washing round here.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Thank You Dotty

Crossed over to be with her husband and maker December 28th at one pm.

Dotty thankyou so much for everything you taught me.
Thankyou so much for all the love you gave to everyone.
Thankyou so much for so much laughter you shared as much as you did your cigarette smoke!!!! NO MORE OXYGEN MASK!!!!!
You can dance again and walk around and not run out of air, you can smoke all you want and suffer no consequences!!
You can hug your wonderful husband and best friend again!!
I am almost jealous of all the people you get to see again.
Missing you is terrible, thankyou for coming to visit me last night. Please don't hesitate to come again and again to see me. I hope I can pass the lessons you taught me to my kids and others. Your life is a cherished treasure.
We all love you like a rock!!!!
Rub Leifs crew cut head for me and hug Jebus and God and Goddess. Thank you for the memories. The poem below is now dedicated to only you. I can't help it, I can't stop crying!
I am so happy for you!! YOU GRADUATED!!!!!! YEAY!!!!!!!

Monday, December 26, 2005

Traversing the Rainbow

Some times warped thoughts travel like lighting threw the mists in my mind,
illuminating a trail of rhinestones and rubies.
Jade covered memories a stone pathway gone zigzaggedly astray.
Crystalized learnings clinging to the pink and purple walls of my shattered brain.
Painted pictures of you in oily relief hang from sharded rafters chared with pain.
Webs of careing conversations strung along the leaky pipes underneath and out to my ears were they escape into the moonlit sky of remembered tendernesses.
A wink in time a wrinkle on the left side were time stands still in static undertow.
Twisted in time without syncopation to my unincorporated pattern of thought, the sunlight of childhood seeps in to desimate the monsters of agony that seek to destroy my most precious memories of you and me.
Laughter sparkles in the effervescence of your voice ringing in the ears of my lifetime. Missing you will always be a rainbow to traverse.

Saturday, December 24, 2005


Something has just happend in my life for which I have no explanation.
Something tragic to me. Beyond comprehension. It is almost as if someone has died.
Today. Derek decided to no longer contact any of his friends in Washington.
He has refused to answer phone calls, emails, texts, and voice messages.
He is mad at me because I wanted him to think about something. I told him to take the time he needed and then to call me. Having realized that I was going about things the wrong way I decided to try to call him.
Then I talked to a mutual friend who said she had gotten an email.
She forwarded this email to me. I read it. I am devastated. How is it that for the last four years I have been best friends with someone who could just up and walk away just like that. How is it that he can. We were so close. I trully trusted him when he said he loved me with every fiber of his being. That I was his best friend.
That I was one person who understood him above and beyond anyone else.
I don't understand this. I understand maybe needing to take to some time to himself. Feeling overwhelmed with everything that is going on in his life and just needing space. But to just stop all communication and saying it is forever. Even putting in the email that if any of our paths ever crossed again that he would try his best to avoid us. WTF????? Does anyone understand this???
I feel like my heart has been ripped out. There are a lot of I statements in this blog. Yeah. Me, I am frustrated, hurt, worried, angry, sad, and depressed.
Get over it. Yeah, eventually. Just like everything else in my life, I will get through this too. It's just really weird not to have Derek to talk to about this, as he is usually the one I would go to since he is (was) my best friend. I will always love him. I will always want the best for him. And some day I will show up on his front door step and he will hug me and let me back in.

Friday, December 23, 2005


I am at my friends house so I don't have much time. I want to go around and visit as many people as possible. Thankyou everyone for your wonderful comments. I hope to get around to see you.
I have so much to say and just not enough time to say it right now. The good thing is is that my friend lives so close I can come over often to blog while she is at work. And even better then that. She might just move in with me!!!! Pray for that as it would help us both tremendously. My mom decided to move out so now I don't know how I am going to do everything and Jen is having the same issues herself so moving in together would solve alot of problems. Anyway. I hope you all have a wonderful christmas and all your holiday wishes come true.

Saturday, December 10, 2005


You guessed it, internet connection is gone. It sucks too.
I am at my parents house right now. They got home from Arizona yesterday afternoon and wanted the kids to spend the night with them. So I am taking advantage of the internet oppportunity.
Hopefully I won't be offline for very long.
I went to another job interview Friday. It would be absolutely perfect for me so I need prayers that I will get the job. Its at a retirenment facility working as a receptionist for four hours a night from 5 pm to 9 pm.
I have a feeling someone else is on their way out so it could quickly work into more time. I also got the distinct feeling that I was the only one who said I could work christmas and would be happy to do it.
The place is absolutely beautiful. They have many excellent policies. I would soooo love to work there.
I would still be able to work around the elderly and help to get people in their. Awesome! I want that job. The lady said she was making her decision Monday or Tuesday. I told her I looked forward to hearing from her. I think the interview went very very well. Keep your fingers crossed!
In other news I think Jen might be moving back in with me.
We are going to try to get to the Lynrd Skynrd concert this friday. I WANT TO GO!!!!!!! Jen and I want to take Amanda as one of her christmas presents. She loves Lynrd Skynrd. What can I say. I have well rounded kids. Kids who know great music when they freekiin hear it!
Went out last night with Jen and T and L. Had alot of fun. I was going to go out tonight. But I am feeling really rotten. I feel nauseated and just yucky, even though I take prilosec every day I woke up with acid in my mouth and nose, feeling like it was burning my ear drums. It was really bad. I had just fallen asleep around 3:30 or so and woke up at 4:00, I couldn't fall back asleep until almost 7:00am. I woke up at 10:00 to bring the kids to my parents by 11:30. Ug. Yeah with no kids tonight I think I am just going to hang out at home and enjoy the peace and quiet. IN BED. We still have cable tv until the 17th. I am hoping Jen will move in with me. It will help us both a lot. And she can put cable in her name. I am still paying my bill from last time.Which is going to take me awhile because of the bill situation now.Anyway. Hopefully I will get to the library sometime this week to check email and blog a little bit. I miss being online. I am already going through with drrawls. Love you all. GOnna try to go visit some folks now!!!!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

MY FIRST POST EVER! Happy bloggerversarie to me!!! LATE!!

out in the openWell here we are its another day in the neighborhood folks.I just feel like writing, and I am trying to figure out this damn blogger thing. Hopefully I have it handled now if not I am sure to find out soon huh?! There is so much that I want to say, Like things that piss me off, You know ladies on those personals web sites how all the men are only specific about one thing that they want....SKINNY! NON FAT! Everything else is open for discussion, so just as long as you are willing to get laid on the first meeting they don't care if you have all your teeth or if you took a shower or shaved your legs. They don't care what you interests are because there only interest in you is if you are willing to get poked! I have totally given up on fiding a date online, or in a bar. I guess if I want to meet a nice man who genuinely cares about people and me the most I had better start dating eligible clergy!LOL oh that cracks me up.No but really what is the deal with men these days, and some women too actually... I just don't get it. What happened to growing up and getting married to Mr. Right.Having it all,the house the kids the dog, the white picket fence.okay screw the fence. But what about the rest of it????? And why is it that people feel that they have to be madly in love with someone to start a relationship, doesn't that develop as the relationship blossoms??? I guess maybe I am from another planet. Maybe tryactin4...Hmmm Maybe....Well anyway Mr. Right is certainly not going to come down from outer space and sweep me off my feet... I'm pretty sure I would run as fast and far away as I possibly could, Those outer space guys are only interested in one thing and my anus does NOT need to be probed thankyou very much!The other thing that is has me peeved is teenagers, I have one and man I am telling you she is just walking down the wrong path. Same path I went down mind you,but in as much it is absolutely unexceptable that she would choose to do the same. I don't like it and I won't have it.She actually tried smoking pot a couple of weeks ago.O good lord in heaven please do help me!OKay now something cheery please!Lets see something cheery.Oprah Winfrey walks this planet, Now that is good news.Martha Stewart in jail. YAY!

Voice coming back

Yesteray it was in and out bad. Sometimes it would be almost normal and other times only a whisper. Today it is much better and I think I will be able to start my job tomarrow.
I wrote something very very sexy at secret smutt and got all hot and bothered and almost made the mistake of getting some from someone I don't want to do that with. YIKES! Close call.
Anyway, my new found virginity intact, I am waiting for my moo to get home so that I can go to the mall and pay my t~ mobile bill. I don't know where the hell she is she should have been home by now. Not much interesting going on, cept I don't know why comcast hasn't been here yet to disconnect us. I am expecting it any minute. short post gotta go. Derek is calling~

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

No voice

I have now just since waking up. Lost my voice completely.
This is bad. And mom had to leave so I have no way of calling my job to let them know.
Thats okay, I will have to go over to Jens and have her call my mom and have my mom call my job to let them know I can't even talk.
I have never completely lost my voice before. All I can do is whisper when I need to say something. Vee if you read this call me anyway. I need to talk to you, well whisper to you.
Woo ohh!!
Anyway, today is the day that at some point I will be loosing internet. Moo hasn't sent in the payment yet. And it was due a while back sooooo. There for we will be having some issues for awhile. It shouldn't take to long.
Well here we go again. It is the sixth and my rent was due by yesterday. And I still haven't gotten a check from L & I. This is not good. It is ridiculous that this is happening. Its totally on their end and it could cause me to loose the roof over my childrens heads.
I have to go down to the managers office again to see if he is in yet. I really don't want to recieve another three day pay or vacate.
And I really don't want to have to pay another 35.00 late fee. There isn't anything I can do about that though. The rent is late and thems the rules. So I will pay that too.
As soon as I get that check.
I am hoping and praying that my L & I check will be there and also my child support check. Then I can pay the rent and put gas in my car. I so need to get my voice back.
I have to got to get to work. I can't believe this crap. Am I just not meant to work that job?
Is this something in my mind affecting my voice?
I don't know. I just want it to come back so I can make some freeking money.

Sierras birthday is coming fast just three days away. I can't believe she is going to be eleven years old.
Holy Wow. ELEVEN!!!!!
I can't believe the time has gone by so quickly.
Amanda is almost 15
And Lynn just turned nine and she is so tall
They are all so tall
Poor Lynn is home from school again today. She is coughing so hard that sometimes it makes her puke.
Poor baby.
Well I guess thats all for now folks.
Until I get internet again.
See ya all later.
Have a VEry Merry Christmas I will be missing all of you!

Just back from Dl. Time to Tell. PLEASE GO READ HER POST. It is absolutely the most beautiful thing I have ever read ever. GO READ IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Just call me Gus Gus

GOD am I sick. I called work. The man who answered the phone says to me" It would be very hard to do phone work with a voice like that." He put me on hold and I could hear him laughing. THen the gal that hired me came on the line and she said just to give them a call each day as to how I am doing and sounding and I can start then. THen she says, " get better" hee heee heeee. And was laughing at me. LIke I said, I sound like a mouse with gravel in its throat. And when I laugh. I am totallly a dead ringer for snidely. Even when I cough or try to clear my throat all I get is a squeek. I am goping back to bed now.....

If you know who Gus Gus is you get extra credit!!!!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

100 bloggers

I posted HERE today!!!!!!

When I read about it at Joes I just knew I had to join in!!
And I have since discovered that Dl joined in too!!!
After I posted I noticed that someone is pulling out. So there may be more slots left.
JOIN THE FUN!!!!!!!!!!
Went out last night and had a good time.
The music was good. the vocal were not.
Of course we didn't go to ROcko;s then the music would have kicked ass.
We had a good time anyway. There was this man there that REALLY new how to dance.
Oh man me and moo almost melted watching those hips!!
Hee hee hee.
Anyway, today was just grocerie shopping and picking up crickets for Lolo's hungry little mouth!!! She is TINY but she sure can suck down the crickets!
Well I think I have nothing to say actually. At least right now. I am pretty tired and pretty sick with what ever the hell is going around now. YUK.
I think we are going to be disco'd from the internet tomarrow unless we figure out something quickly and get it to a pay point. I don't have much faith in that happening.
So I will be going to the library at least twice a week to use a computer. UG.
Shouldn't take long to get back up and running though. Some how. We just need to pay the bill off and then get it hooked back up. Seeing as I actually have a job now it shouldn't take to long. I am going to be job hunting all day tomarrow though until I have to go to work. Because I DO NOT want to do telephone soliciting any longer then absolutely neccasary. AH shisters I just tried to talk to Amanda and I sound like a mouse with gravel in its throat!
Maybe the people I call tomarrow will feel sorry for me and make appointments to see the demonstrations and maybe they will buy whatever it is the saleman is trying to sell and I will make lots of tips and comissions and win the contest for the night. And get a record breaking raise in the first night I work. yeah. Thats whats gonna happen!!!
Hey, it could.

Saturday, December 03, 2005


Jen is feeling a bit under the weather today!
So we will not be going out tonight. I would go by myself but I have no money.
And I need at least 2.75 to get my pepsi.
Its free refills the rest of the night.
I want to change my skin but I don't know how to do it without loosing everything.
I was unable to post commnets to ADAM, Dl, and Rebecca, I got the same exact code word at each site and it didn't work anytime. So
ADAM, You are a nut, don't wanna break a nail!!!! TOo funny with that!:)
Dl, YAYYYYYYYYY I am so HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And Rebecca sweet baby girl, I am still praying for you every minute of every day. I Hope you get over these latest ickies really really soon.



I got out of the house and did something fun!!!!
Jen and I went to my favorite bar. Rocko's and had a blast.
And we are going out again tomarrow because my favorite local band will be there tomarrow night!!! Breadline Blues here I come!!!!!! You can see what I am talking about at they are just so awesome!!!!
Jen and I had so much fun tonight. I just wish our friend Vee could have been there too. She would have had so much to talk about she might have exploded from white trash french hore over load!!!! ( Inside joke) Jen kissed a guy with a really hairy chest which I am SOOOOO gonna tease her about tomarrow.
She absolutely hates hairy men, she thinks they are gross and this guy was hairy!!! She is gonna so puke hahahahah, serves her right for getting so drunk and dissing the guy all night.
GOd got her for being a bitchy witchy!!! HE HEE HEE. Hmm maybe that jack and pepsi got to me more then I thought.
I only had one, maybe I am just feeling more relaxed then I have in weeks. I really needed to get out to a comfortable place and just let loose and relax. Now I need a shower though I smell like smoke and it is grossing me out. Since I haven't smoked in SEVEN MONTHS!!!!! WOOOTTTT WOOOOOOO...
GOtta go, Have a great day, night, evening. HEEE HEEEEE...

Friday, December 02, 2005


I am tired of feeling sick and tired and depressed. I really don' t like feeling this way at all.
I just want to run away from everything and everyone.
I know I am not the only person who has ever felt that way.
I just want to pack a back pack for each of my kids and myself and take off to some where unknown and tropical.
What stops me? Lack of funds and fear. I need a fresh start some where it doesn' t snow. Or get very cold. And yet I don't want it to get too hot either.
I know picky picky. I am thinking Hawaii. It's nice and tropical, not too hot, never too cold. Lots of water around. Plenty of sand. relaxed atmosphere. And I am used to living near valcanoes and the threat they pose. Tropical storms not so much. But I can learn to live with those too. As long as they don't trun into mass destructive hurricanes.
Speaking of hurricanes, did you know that vh1 is giving thousands of musical instruments to kids effected by hurricane Katrina. In the schools they are in now. And Vh1 is helping to rebuild school band rooms for the 36 schools they were already helping in New Orleans and other areas affected by the hurricane. I just think that is so cool. Vh1 and there " Save the Music" program is one of the neatest things I have heard of. They give thousands and thousands of musical instruments to kids every year, they help with making band rooms, and they assist with uniforms and even give grants to teachers. Awesome! There are so many other types of programs out there that help people in so many ways. I think it is wonderful that kids that want to play music and be in a band can be. Music is awesome. Music can soothe a soul or get you dancing. Music has proven to be healing and to help plants grow. Mostly classical there. SO cool VH1!!! Gotta give em props for all their hard work and dedication. If you can donate in any way. Please do that today. Don't let music die because of poverty or because sports are deemed more important.
My dog is licking my toes.......
He has a foot fetish I think.......
He smells like he was into kitty box treats again. EWWWWW.
I need a shower now!!!
Wow am I rambling or what. I just woke up and hear I am with all my first thoughts of the day. I can't believe I slept so late again today. I did the same thing yesterday. Okay I need sleep but not this much. This is one of the first signs that the depression is seriously back. I need to call my doctor too. I just can't afford to buy meds. Huh. What a spot to be in. I hate not having medical coverage. I need to figure something out though.
Okay I need to shower, my dog licked my toes ewwwww.
Have a great day every body!!!!!

Thursday, December 01, 2005


Have I ever told you how much I hate SNOW!!!!
It would be allright if it would stay off the roads and if the deep cold would stay out of my house and out of my car and out of my bones.
I hate winter. I hate cold weather. I hate snow.
Snow is pretty. Snow flakes are awesome in their lacy intricacies.
I hate snow. It is white and sparkly and beautiful. But it is so damn cold.
I hate snow. I don't think I have said it enough. I hate snow. I would much rather be in the bahamas. Or Australia, or Fiji, or Hawaii. I can't stand this cold weather. I hate snow. I can't believe it has snowed so much in the past few weeks. We hardly ever get snow here and every once and awhile we just get tons of it. This is one of those years. I hate snow. I don't want to live here when the weather is like this. I just want to run away to some where warm and tropical. I am jealous of those who have never seen snow and don't know what it is like to see their breath. I feel sorry for them too. How do they know what they like and what they don't like? I hate the snow. I hate the snow I hate the snow. I need to move somewhere warm were there are beaches and sun shine and there is no way I can get depressed in the doom and gloom and of an icy cold snowy blustery pacific northwest winter. I hate the snow, I hate that it gets dark so damn early. I hate the cold. I hate the snow. Do any of you have any doubt how much I hate the snow. I hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it..............................
Imagine me stomping my foot and throwing a fit like a two year old. I HATE SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At this point I am just wondering why the hell I am even bothering.
I am feeling rather homesick. I would like to go away now. I know I can't, but somedays their really isn't much keeping me here. I know its because its winter time and it gets so dark so early and the sun doesn't come up til noon. GOD I hate winter. I think I need drugs to make this better. I hate life. I just want to take my last breath already.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Got the job

Well I got a job, I am now a telephone solicitor again.
I feel terrible. I feel like I have taken a step back in time.
I know I should be grateful that I found a job. And I am. I am grateful for the money, I am grateful that I will be able to pay my bills and put gas in my car and get the kids at least one gift for Christmas.
I really never ever wanted to do this kind of work again though. And I can't help but be disapointed in myself.
This is just all together to depressing.
And now. Derek has possibly made a new and better friend. He has met a woman and I have been ignored for the last few days.
This really sucks. This really really really sucks.
Sorry to all those who are used to me being positive. I just don't have it in me right now. I am so disgusted with myself.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Possibly last post for awhile????

I don't know when I will be able to post again. I don't know if it will be tomarrow or the day after that, or if I have a week. Anyway, I have to figure out a new way of having access to the internet while I get caught up on everything. I went to a job interview today, I don't think it went very well. They really treated me like I was stupid and they were quite rude. I'm not sure if it was a test or if they are really that way all the time. They are based in a town pretty far from me and I just don't know if its worth it. I think I would rather go to an open interview for a telephone soliciting outfit that is less then two miles away, then work for rude people 22 minutes away freeway time, on a good day.
I know I know, I can't afford to be picky, and believe me I am not being picky. I do have to be realistic. Reality says that with a car that I bought for 100.00$ I would be wise to stick a little closer to home and not put a bunch of wear and tear on the only vehicle I have. So, off to said soliciting interview, and off to the local mall tomarrow, and anywhere else I see I might have a chance of gaining employment.
Sheesh I need the job meant for me to pop up right now. Hell ten years ago would have been great.
I hope you all have a great day today and I hope you all come to visit me soon, before I am gone for awhile again. I miss everyone and hope I didn't piss anybody off.

LOve to all, and to all Love.
You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow. Roguish,quick-witted, and incredibly lucky, Jack Sparrow is a pirate who sometimes ends up being a hero, against his better judgement. Captain Jack looks out for #1, but he can be counted on (usually) to do the right thing. He has an incredibly persuasive tongue, a mind that borders on genius or insanity, and an incredible talent for getting into trouble and getting out of it. Maybe its brains, maybe its genius, or maybe its just plain luck. Or maybe a mixture of all three.

Captain Jack Sparrow


William Wallace


El Zorro


Batman, the Dark Knight


James Bond, Agent 007


Lara Croft




Indiana Jones


The Amazing Spider-Man


Neo, the "One"


The Terminator


Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
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Monday, November 28, 2005

Michael Jackson Impersonator

Whilst in the kitchen making dinner and singing I'm just a love machine, I decided to add a twist to make Lynnie laugh, ( like she wasn't already from watching her fat mother gyrate to a silly song)
The voice of Michael Jackson eminated from my throat. Now for the past half hour I have been making my three lovely children collapse in giggles as I gyrate more and add a flare to the flick of my wrist and impersonate Mr. Jackson extrememly poorly while singing such songs as This little light of mine, I'm just a love machine, and amazing grace with a bit of scottish accent to make it even funnier.
I am in a fine mood! The girls say " mo oom, " and I say. " I ain't yo momma, you momma left cuz she went crazae." They just laugh and giggle heck I even got a snort or two!!!!

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Not much to say really

Well I am not sure what it going on. My computer seems to be just a bit under the weather,
I have no indicator for where my line is. It just pops up every now and then
something is going on here, maybe it is blogger and not my computer because I wasn't having this problem at the other sites.
Well as I said I don't really have a lot to say. Just have to go look for a job tomarrow .
Say some prayers for me that I will find a good job and will get hired to do it!!!!
I better get off her before my puter takes a dump.
Have a great day everyone:)

Friday, November 25, 2005


Well there are a few things going on here.
My sister Vicki and her husband Brian are coming over tomarrow on their way home. They are bringing their dogs Cae Cee and Rya to met Boceaphus. ( Bo c fuss) . My neice just went home cuz she missed her family. It was so cute the way she said it too. And my daughter Lynnie went with her to spend the night at her aunt and uncles. M and Lynnie get along really well and like to spend a lot of time together.
My electicity is paid thanks to an angel and I was able to buy a car today through another angel and friend who sold me the car for 100.00 less 7.00 he owed me. He also gave me gas money because there was only a quarter tank in the car. I got a child support check for 110.00 that enabled me to buy the car. Now I just have to get it titled to me and get tabs which I will be able to get because of another angel. My moo borrowed her part of the rent from my sis so that will get dropped in the drop box tomarrow. So right at the moment things are going very well. My family has been gifted with angels who are working double time. I know there will be a time when I can do something for them too.
I know that I have angels now because that is what I have put out into the universe. What you put out there comes back to you.
Now I will be able to buy Sierra a pair of shoes so she won't have to wear mine and I can have my shoes so that I can go look for another job by pounding the pavement. I don't know why but there aren't many places around here were you can apply online for a position. Believe me I have applied to all the places I could online. I never hear anything back. I have applied for McDonalds and Taco Bell and places like that too when ever my car was running.
Since my car broke down two weeks ago I haven't been able to get anywhere.
So now, YAY!!! I will be hitting the road tomarrow after I get the new car titled to me and tabbed. It is an Oldsmobile, Cutlass Ciera. Belly will get a kick out of that!!! Anyway, I need to go to sleep because I have to get up early to get some stuff accomplished. Oh wait I forgot, I sleep all the time. All day and all night. That will be my next post........
Everyone have a fabulous day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
December third will be my one year bloggerversarie, remember a few weeks ago when I said it was almost here!! Well it is even closer now!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Angels Among Us

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My girls and I have an angel. I will not mention the person by name as they wish to remain anonymous. I will tell you that this angel has saved me some worry. This is an angel that has allowed us to keep our electricity on during these cold months.
Thank you to our angel. Every time I turn a light on I will Thank you. Every time I am able to cook a meal for my children I will Thank you. Everytime I open the fridge and feel the cold air I will Thank you. Every time I am able to take a nice hot shower I will Thank you. Everytime I turn on my dishwasher, washer, or dryer, I will Thank you. Every time I come in from the cold to a nice warm home I will Thankyou. Every time I look at my children enjoying a hot meal I will Thank you. Every time I see them warm and rosy from a shower or bath I will Thank you.
Every time they come home from school and are warmed the moment the come through the door, I will Thank you. You may not hear me everytime. But know that it is true and I am saying it out loud. THANK YOU ANGEL.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005


Lady luck is all sold out and I got to the store to late.
I don't know how much longer I will have internet or a roof over my head.
My car is gone. I had two choices. Pay for it to be towed and then for it to sit in the tow yard. Or give the piece of shit to the tow company. Bye bye pos car. Not upset about this at all. I hated that car.
L & I is messing around again and it is fucking with my life severely.
Rent is coming up again, electric is over due and so is cable. Soooo you guessed it. Bye bye cable. Maybe electric and if I don't get a check real soon. Bye bye apartment hello homeless shelter. No way. I will make my brother and my sister take my kids and I will bounce around. There is no way that my kids are sleeping in a shelter for even one freekin night. I will sell my soul to the devil first. Which is kinda hard considering I don't believe in Satan. I will sell everything I own befor I let my kids loose the roof over their head. So therefore. Duh I just thought of it. Bye bye computer. I don't know how much I can get for it. But something is better then nothing. Right. Right. Shit. This really sucks.
I think I need to say all the things I am thankful and grateful for. I might be thinking things are bad, watch what happens though as I count my blessings, never having bought lady luck in my life.
2) We are all healthy.
3) Family
4) Friends in abundance
5) Food in the cupboards
6) A fireplace
7) lots of warm cats and dogs to snuggle up with
8) Plenty of blankets too
9) A friend and two family members live in the same complex so if we lose power we can still keep food refrigerated, take showers, do laundry and cook.
10) Even though we will more then likely loose cable we still have movies we can watch.
11) We did not loose everything like those who went through the hurricanes.
12) Love
14) Forgiveness
15) A positive attitude
16) The power to do something if I just put my brain to work
17) I can think
18) I can see
19) I can walk on my own two feet. ( Snowvhites mom just lost her left leg from the knee down and right foot from the heel pad out.)
20) I can hear with both ears
21) I believe everything will be fine
22) I am greatful to God for all of these gifts and the ability to see them even when I want to be blind to them and just feel sorry for myself.
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Thank you Lord for all that you have given to me and my family and my friends. Lord please give strength to those who need it and vision to those who are blind in their soul. Lord please help those who need you. Please heal those who are ill. May all who are suffering feel your presence and know your love.
Thank you Lord for the bounty which we recieve every single day that we breathe.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


Wouldn't it be wonderful if labels actually spoke the real truth and were not printed with every lie they are allowed by law.
And with that thought. Wouldn't it be great if people came with labels of their personality traits. You know you see this beautiful person walking toward you. ( whatever your idea of beautiful is) But they have a label on their shirt that says they are a jealous freakazoid.
Or they are a control freak. Or they have co depedant issues. Or they are just cruel or abusive. Yes I know this works for ugly people too. ( Whatever your idea of ugly is). But I am trying to make a point here.
You see a not so attractive person walking toward you and it says right on there label that they are the closest thing to a soul mate you can get to on earth. They are your forever love. THE ONE. But you , yeah you. Are just to shallow to let it happen. Because the package isn't pretty you keep walking. Its kinda like food. Most often the stuff that looks so freeking awesome is sooooooo bad for you. Full of all the bullshit you just don't need.
But that fabulous salad just gets ignored. Not that it isn't beautiful in its own way. Its just that most of the time, the fatty salty stuff hits the spot. You don' t want the healthful salad with all its nutrion that will sustain you. You want the candy and the pie and cake.
Well I am here to tell you gentle people. Life is full of fat and salt and sugar.
I would rather have the nutrion. Give me some one in my love life with substance. Some one who has a sense of humor and gets mine. Some one who can laugh at life and himself and his foibles. Give me some one who is smart enough to look at me and know how great I am. Give me someone who is kind and loving and has all the qualities I am looking for. I don't care what package he comes in. I will love him all the same.
I might even put a little Ranch on him!!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

No Preservatives

In life there are no preservatives except in most food. Wich I always try to avoid just in case somehow my creamation is neglected and I am buried ( shivers) I don't want to be like a twinkie, I do not feel it is neccasary to have a corpse with a shelf life of 100 years. Anyway, as I was saying..
There are no preservatives in life. You cannot say, can your teenage hormones to be later opened at a much more convienient time. Like say 25. Or hell preserve a little for when your 60 and could really use a good dose of getting excited because the wind blew the right way.
There is no way to preserve the smells that go with a family vacation. You are lucky if later sometime a certain scent triggers a great memory. I know when people crossed over are visiting me because scents I associate with them waft up my nose and into my brain and right down into my heart and soul.
But these things cannot be canned and put on a shelf , labeled and then years and years from now, brought down by great great relatives of the future and experienced first hand the way we did. I mean wouldn't it be cool if there was a store house of canned experiences in Jars and flasks and boxes somewhere where we could go and open them and experience a day from 1722. Just think of how awesome that would be. The only things we have are written history. And how much of that is changed from the actual event. I mean think about it.
The way gossip and stories are told in your own experience, I often wonder what "REAL" history would be. Was Paul Revere running in fear? Did Abe Lincoln stutter when he spoke all those eloquent speaches? Did George Washington really have wooden teeth? What would those people say to us today if they could? What story would they tell? This brings me to what is it that I want people to know and to remember about things in my lifetime. Or about me even. What do I want my grandchildren to know about me? What do I want my greatgrandchildren to learn about when they learn the history of their world and they are learning about this time?
Hmmm. This I will need to think about carefully.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Flavors of your choice added free

It is amazing to me what big companies get away with.
The way things are advertised and the way they actually look or hold up once you get them home.
I kinda feel like that is what happend when I decided to cross over to this side to experience life. Like some door to door salesman came to me and convinced me that my soul needed to see things, and feel things, and hear things. That for the goodness of my being I needed to come here and suffer. That it would be the very best experience and I could come home at absolutely anytime. That when it was all done and said I would never be the same and I would be wiser then all my peers.
Can I sue???
Probably not huh.
Oh well I guess I will just have to stick it out like a kid away at camp.
Hello mother.
Hello father
Here I am. At. Camp Idontwanna.
I crack myself up sometimes.
Is anyone laughing? No. Me either.
Well I guess I don't really have much to say today.
Just deep in a jungle of twisted thoughts like vines reaching out to snare me.
I think I am going to blog hop and see if anyone has anything funny to say.
I need a laugh or two or ten.
Love ya all.
I think that salesman went to live with lucifer. you know, his father.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

New and Improved Formula

I have come to a conclusion.
I need a new and improved formula for operating this thing I call my life.
I need to sell my pos car and get a new one. That will take some prayers since it is a pos and I need someone to buy it who can fix it and who can still give me at least 400.00 for the thing. I need to get my ass back in school. I had checked it all out, sent in for grants and stuff and then I let it drop and just forgot about it. ( fof)
I need to get another job. Even if it is just over the holidays it would help. A lot!
I need to stop adopting animals and the like. Last night I inherited three more goldfish, Moo put them in her fish tank though. Lucky she just brought it home. Seems it was meant to be.
I need to stop helping everyone but myself. I need to help me and then work in the rest of the world. I had that ass wackbards for a long time.
I need to be more clear with my words. I have discovered that sometimes I speak in such a way that most people do not understand what I am trying to convey.
I need to spend even more time with my kids. Just being in the same house does not count.
We need to play games and things like that. I hate board and card games so this is not easy for me to do, but I have come to the conclusion that it is important for my kids. There for I will swollow my dislike for Parker Brothers and Cards and I will play games with my kids.
I have decided that I need to reevaluate much more of my life. My beliefs and my standards alike.
It seems that I am attracted to some men who others would view as Seedy. Or worthless. You know the underdog. The guy from the wrong side of the tracks. The bad ass dude who aughtta be in prison. I am attracted to other types of men. Nerds, or geeks really get me hot. Just as hot as the guy in leather riding a Harley. Just the word Harley makes me Hot. I know TMI Queen. T M I.
There will be more posts like this, I am trying to figure some stuff out. So if you don't want to read, then don't feel like you have to just because you love me.
I will understand. Because I love all of you!!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005


I am
Worn out
Sometimes used like a door mat
Sometimes a screamer
Often more patient then I really feel inside
Stressed out
Great in bed
A sexy bitch
A softy
A quick learner
Wild sometimes
Sometimes *oddly enough* shy
Crazy sometimes
Going crazy
A great cook
A divine spark of god, amd so are you, and you, and you...............
Wise at times
Prone to jealousy
A great friend
Tired and
Easy to anger when tired
Often longwinded
Sometimes hurtful without knowing it or intending to be
Sometimes to blunt
A person who loves to hear about drama and gossip, I just don't want to be a part of it.
Thankful, therefor, for Jerry Springer.
Missing something
Missing someone
Full of desire
An Earth Mother Goddess.
Kind hearted
Going to bed now.
Goodmorning , Good evening, and Goodnight.

Monday, November 14, 2005


I am so sore. My back hurts bad.
Jen got her apartment. In the same building as me. We went and bought couches today. Okay Jen bought couches, Rent a center is coming to get the other couches tomarrow. So Anyway.
Our day started very early. First we went to my old city and got the kids bunk beds. Then we went to a bunch of thrift stores. Then we went to Lowes, because we need stuff to make the kids bunkbeds into bunkbeds. Then we came back here after we finally found two couches. Then I put in dinner, then we went to pick up the beds after Jen made sure she had the apartment. After we got the couches we then struggled to get Jens couch into her apartment, we had to get Tommy, then we had to get the door off the hinges because the freeking couch was to odd shaped to go through the freeking door.
We finally get the couch into the apartment, then it took me, Jen, and Tommy to put the door back on. Then we had to still get my couch into my apartment. On the third freekin floor.
Man I tell ya. The day just gets better. Jen, Sierra, and I all got the couch to the first landing. Where we got it stuck. My brother who lives in the same complex couldn't be bothered to help at all. So there we sat. I called my friend D, ( the princess's fiance) and he came after work and man handled the damn thing up three flights of stairs. I was worried that he would hurt himself.
I really hope he didn't. He got it all the way up to the top landing and then Tommy got back and helped him. At first D thought that the couch would not go in. But he and Tommy managed to get it in the door and down the hall and then into the livingroom. I love them both so much for helping like that. Especially D. In the last 20 years he has been on heck of a friend. I can honestly say he is one of the few friends that I have that I know I can count on, and he knows he can count on me. We have really been there for eachother in the past. I need to do something special for him. Can't do it tomarrow as I have bunk beds to put together and Jen to help clean or whatever. This is going to take some planning on my part. When he leasts expects it. There I will be with some great surprise!!!! Ssshhhhh T if you read this post, don't tell him I said that.
It is amazing to me, that looking as tired and welfarish as I look today I got hit on twice.
Once by Tommy when I ran into him at Fred Meyer. And then again when I got back to the complex a guy in the parking lot was whistling and smackin his lips. Then he asked me if he could help me bring in my groceries. I said no thankyou, and he said he would just WATCH me walk away then. He was good looking and all I could think was, DUDE! Are you fucking blind?
I look like shit today and I am always fat and ugly. Anyway. I gotta go to bed now.

Sunday, November 13, 2005


I do it to my fucking self
I put myself in these fucking situations
I do not need this right now
I do not need for my mother
to be pissed off at me because I am helping a friend and said friend has been sleeping on moms side of MY bed while said mom was gone 300 MILES AWAY. This is ridiculous. I do not deserve this shit. I do not deserve to be treated this way. I will not put up with being yelled at for NO FUCKING REASON.
I am 34 goddamn years old. I pay the fucking rent. I pay the fucking bills. My friends know this, my sister knows this. As they are the ones I go to when I need to borrow money for situations like today when I had to get Bo to the vetrinarian.
Its not like Jen is going to be here for very fucking long.
Jesus christ my lord and savior, goddess divine mother.


7 Cats
4 Dogs
1 Parakeet
2 Cockatiels
4 Fish
1 Anole
A passle of crickets to feed Anole
1 Mom
1 Good friend
3 kids
1 Me
Things that belong to me
4 Cats
2 Dogs
1 Parakeet
2 Cockatiels
1 Anole
A passle of crickets to feed the anole
4 fish
3 kids
1 mom
1 good friend
Things that belong to the 1 good friend
2 Cats
1 BIG Dog
1 Me
3 Neices
Things that belong to my Mom
1 Dog
1 Cat
1 Me
3 Grandkids

Dog food $22.00
Rent $650.00
Never lonely Priceless

Friday, November 11, 2005

Blahger part Two

Don't know what it wrong with me. I can't seem to shake the sleepies.
Of course I am taking a sleep aid. Its not helping me get to sleep it is just making me stay asleep. I need to take it way earlier then an hour before I want to sleep as it is still taking me hours and hours to get to sleep.
Anyway, I didn't get up until 12:00 today. The kids didn't have school of course because it is Veterans Day... THANKYOU TO ALL OUR MEN AND WOMEN WHO GIVE/GAVE SO MUCH OF THEIRSELVES FOR OUR FREEDOM AND INDEPENDENCE. THERE IS NO THANKYOU THAT CAN BE SAID LOUD ENOUGH OR LONG ENOUGH OR ANY MULTITUDE OF TIMES TO EXPRESS HOW GREATFUL THIS COUNTRY IS FOR YOUR DEDICATION AND HARD WORK. THERE ARE NO WORDS TO EXPRESS THE SORROW FELT BY THIS NATION FOR THE LOSS OF LIVES SPENT FIGHTING FOR WHAT THEY BELIEVED IN.THANKYOU, THANKYOU, THANKYOU, THANKYOU, AND THANKYOU. MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF THANKYOUS.....You know when I was growing up I always felt this huge respect for men and women who served in the services. I never have figured out why, that even at a very young age I felt so strongly that they deserved every respect they could be given. When I was three and half I saluted a soldier that came into the hospital to visit with another child. No one had ever shown me that. No one ever told me about it, I had never seen anyone do it. But I did, and he saluted me right back with a huge smile on his face.
I don't know what it is. There is just something so regal about a soldier male or female. Something indescrible that sets them apart from the rest of us. Is their bravery? Is it their disipline? Is it something that comes over them as soon as they put on that uniform for the first time, and sticks with them even when they are naked? Is it something they were born with? I don't know what it is. But I am sure glad they have it, each and every one. To anyone out there who is in the services, thankyou so very very much. When I sleep I sleep easy knowing that my children are safe because of all of you........

Have a great Veterans Day everyone. NEVER FORGET!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Cool Beans

You entered: 3/1/1971
Your date of conception was on or about 8 June 1970.
You were born on a Mondayunder the astrological sign Pisces.Your Life path number is 4.The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2441011.5.The golden number for 1971 is 15.The epact number for 1971 is 3.The year 1971 was not a leap year.As of 11/10/2005 6:48:39 PM ESTYou are 34 years old.You are 416 months old.You are 1,810 weeks old.You are 12,673 days old.You are 304,170 hours old.You are 18,250,248 minutes old.You are 1,095,014,919 seconds old.You are 4.9600782778865 dog years old. (You're still chasing cats!)
There are 111 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 35 candlesThose 35 candles produce 35 BTUs,or 8,820 calories of heat (that's only 8.8200 food Calories!) .You can boil 4.00 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1971 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.In 1971 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.In 1971 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%)In 1971 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)Your birthstone is Aquamarine The Mystical properties of Aquamarine
Aquamarine is often used to experience love and mercy. It is said to help ease depression and grief.Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Jade, Rock Crystal, BloodstoneYour birth tree is
Weeping Willow, the Melancholy
Beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner.There are 45 days till Christmas 2005!The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waxing crescent

HERE is a LINK!!!!!! Thanks for the reminder Jerzee!!!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

So much going on

Yesterday I got a puppy!! His name is Bo Duke. Cuz I already have Daezee Duke. Bo is a yellow lab and he is beautiful. He is four months old pure bred and he was in the paper for FREE!!!! It worked out kinda weird, When I called the lady said some guy was supposed to be coming to look at him, I called about a different puppy that was in the paper and when I was on my way there, the first lady called and said to go ahead and come see the lab. I had just been thinking to myself that I really wanted a lab, that is what I have been searching for in the paper for the last three months. So I went to her house which was oddly about two blocks away from the other puppy. And when I went in and up tp the kitchen Bo ran from under the table right into my arms. He is perfect! Just the right size and age to not be a threat to my little dogs or to my kittens. And he will be the right size when he grows up. And he is a lab.
He is also a poop machine!!!!! I can't keep up with him! I absolutely adore him though and so do the kids, my daezee has no problem with him and Moos daisy is slowly warming up.
I also got Buddah back last night. K and G couldn't keep him after all so at Michealas request and Buddahs in a dream to me, He is here. Yes I said that right. I had a dream that Buddah wanted to be with me and I called Katie, she can't call me she doesn't have long distance. And she said Denise that is so weird. I need you to take him. It wasn't weird to me, and neither was Bo running to me. IT freaked out his previous owners because Bo had been hiding from everyone and anyone that came to there house. I haven't seen that behavior at all so far. He is very friendly and wants to sniff everyone. But they were genuinly surprised that he ran right too me just upon sight. He made it very obvious that he wanted to go with me. And I wanted him very much so I brought him home. Two new animals in one day, WHEW. I told them all there would be NO MORE coming!!!!! I have a zoo! Moo has a dog and a cat. I have two dogs four cats three birds, a fish tank and an anole. that is a total of three dogs and five cats in a two bedroom apartment. Belive me it is a battle every day to make sure it doesn't stink in here!!!!!! We are clean people. well the kids are working on their cleanliness. They have a ways to go yet. So far it is going pretty well. I just hope Bo doesn't explode from eating so much, and eating god knows what. I am not used to a dog that can stand on its hind feet come almost to my hips, daezee stnads on her hind feet and comes maybe to my knee. Same with Moos Daisy. To keep them seperated we call them Duke and Mai. Poor Daezee she knows her middle name better then her first. Its like she really is from the south:)

In all that I forgot to mention that on the way home from getting Bo, my car went tits up for good. I don't even know whats wrong with it, but Jen had to come and get me. I am glad she was meeting me at my house anyway. She was already basically to my house when I called her. Some construction guys had to push my car into the Safeway parking lot. I need to go and get it towed home. Anyway, Jen moved in for a few days because she finally left Chadfuck. He actually had the balls to try to control her to the point of threating to call animal control if she left and didn't take Kilo ( her pitbull) and her cats with her right then and there.
So G and K went and got Kilo and took him to their neighbors house. THe guy is a pitt fanatic and will take excellent care of Kilo until Jen can get him back or until the day Kilo is an old man and dies. Anyway, Its great having Jen here and knowing she is safe. Hopefully she will be able to get an apaprtment here. My neighbor moved out yesterday and that is a one bedroom apartment. It would be perfect for her.
I called my friend Sharon she is not doing so hot. She needs some prayers, she needs to have surgery on her knee and she is having problems getting insurance to cover it. Please pray for her.. I would like to do another prayer list. So please leave your requests in comments or via email. I would like to publish the list on Sunday.
****Have a bright beautiful day everyone****

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


So far today I have, cleaned my house, done three loads of laundry, cashed a small child support check. ( HOLY SHIT I ACTUALLY GOT ONE) Went to the pet store were I spent too much money on kids pets. They all needed something. And then I went to rent a center and talked to them. They lowered my payments as I may not be keeping the couches to much longer ,they want me to be able to keep them so they will continue to give me a lower rate. Then I went to my sisters house and left a gift for her there.
Then I came back towards home stopped at Fred Meyer just for milk, ketchup and cat litter and ended getting a bunch of other stuff too. I needed more food in the cupbpoards. Then I came home and took the doggies for a walk. They were very excited to get out of the house. I ran into Tommy. He really is a nice guy. Just very weird. He asked if I was okay because yesterday I had asked him if he would take me to the hospital if I needed to go. My stomach was really bothering me bad. It isn't so bad today so far though so I think I will hold off a bit longer and try to get some kind of medical insurance of some kind. I just can't afford a big Doctor bill right now along with everything else. Anyway, I did all of that without taking my cell phone. I never leave it home. I just needed to get away from it. I don't know why. Usually that thing is stuck to me. I just don't feel like dealing with it or anyone today. I am grumpy and in the mood to be alone. I guess I should make sure that nothing important is going on though. Well everyone have a fabulous day and don't worry be happy. You know I always like the saying have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. Better then don't worry be happy. The other just has a certain ring to it.......

Monday, November 07, 2005

Does anybody know what this is?

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SPELL CHECK. Does anyone know the propper way to spell herum, as in many wives.
Or many chicks to screw????? I can't remember how to spell it and spell check pops up with herring and that just is not it. fishy as it is!!!!! ( lol) That was probably only funny to me and my twisted little pain filled mind.. HEE HEE HEE.