Tuesday, January 31, 2006

I feel like a ghost

No one is here, I am alone.
No one to talk to,
no one to visit with.
All are busy
running their lives in circles.
Can't stop now.
Take a little time to rest.
Smell the rain and behold the roses.
Alone, lonely not.
Just singular.
As the sun,
I see all, and nothing.
I am bright, and fade behind the clouds
of forgotten wisdom.
Alone am I.
I must find some worms.
Depressed for not.
Feeling chilly,
Will another shower help?
Stagnant my blood is.
Heart flowing behind its comfort zone.
Allowed in,
with me.
I think I love him.
Where did every body go????

Please also read the following post...

Reaching out

Just about every where you go you can find a Build a Bear store.
Come to find out these folks do some pretty great things with them thar bears.
Lots of contributions to needy families and sick kids and things of that sort.
You can help Build a Bear continue to do this by buying a heart for a dollar.
Here are some links for more information.
Please consider buying a heart and when you get it, hold it next to your own heart and say a prayer or make a wish for Rebekah and then send her the heart.

Have fun building bears and helping a beautiful little girl, and many other people in the process!

Monday, January 30, 2006

Well F*U*C*K!!

I didn't get the job at the Herald after all. I couldn't pee in that damn cup and they can't do any other testing method. This really sucks. I wish I could have gotten that job. The lady that hired me was quite upset. She really wanted to work with me. Well it just means that something else will come along. Hopefully I won't have to pee in a damn cup. I can't believe that drugs have become so much of a problem that employers have to do ua's as a condition of hire.
Sucks for those of us who could pass a u a no problem. If we could just pee in the cup.Ug
On the other hand maybe this is because I am supposed to move it Moses Lake.
My friend Katie talked to her aunt and uncle. They just had her move over there because they own all kinds of apartments and trailer parks and they needed help. Well they still need help and they said I could go over and have a two bedroom apartment with my dogs and cats, and only pay 400.00 a month for rent and included in that is electic and cable! Do you know how cheap that is!
And right outside my front door. A POOL!
I am seriously considering going. Billy is on probabation though for something stupid so he would have to get permission. Anyway, in June his probabtion is up.
So I might just be moving to Texas!
In March we are going to Louisville Kentucky for a truck show.
Billy does polishing and detail. Specializes in big rigs. He has a job to do there so thats where we will be for ten days!!! WOOO HOOO. I need to find a blogger in Kentucky to meet! Well we will be driving too so I might just get to meet a few of you anyway!!!!! And we will be going to more truck shows all over the country all summer. In August we are just going to do a circuit. My kids will be at their repsective fathers familys for that month so I am free to move about the country.
Cool Eh. I can't wait. Do you know how many bloggers I could potentially meet!!
I am so excited about that. And I get to travel WOOT!!!! Billy is going to teach me his trade so I can help him. We are trying to get as many trucks as he can do.
So if you know anyone with a big rig send them our way. Billy has refrences up the wazoo. The lady who plans the shows gives Billys name to anyone who asks her if she knows any one. Yes, he is that good at what he does.
I will go find the link to the truck he is doing for the Kentucky show.
Okay I am going to have to find them later. I found the chrome shop mafia page but I couldn't find the truck Billy is doing. I will have him find it and put in the link. The truck is fucking sweeeeet. It has wood fucking floors!!!!

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Hello Every body

Wooo my nose hurts it is so stuffed up. Had fun last night except for the drama. It was easily solved though. T, I love you and I am grateful that you love me and want to look out for me.
Things just could have been handled differently on both parts.
When Billy and I left here we were expecting drama from some one else. They didn't give us the drama, we were surprised out of left field with what happend. I really don't know how things got to the point they did. I know neither one of you were listening to the other. I hope this gets resolved. I can see myself falling in love with Billy. I am sure in time things will be okay.
I love you Tannis. You are my sister and one of my best friends. I hope when things chill out a bit you and Billy can sit and talk. He is more then willing to make that effort because of how he feels about me and the kids. And you have to admit. Jason would have left and he would have hit you. Billy did neither of those things.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Its official

The Queen is taken.
I don't know how it is going to work out. I don't know what is going to happen, I have trust issues and Billy has sticken with one woman problems. But he says he wants to stick with me and stop being so silly. Well we'll see. I told him I would try things a different way this time. I will give him full trust until or unless he gives me a reason not to trust him. I don't care who he flirts with, dances with, whatever. As long as everyone knows we are together and that he is going home with me we are all good. With the understanding of course that I will flirt with and hang on to who ever I want to. Because we are both very flirtatious folks. I don't want to change something about him that I liked when I met him! That seems ridiculous to me. As long as he aint stickin it to no one else we will be just fine. And even that I am open minded about. That is a discusion for my other blog though.
Well I don't know what we are doing tonight. There are supposed to be a couple of folks at the bar tonight that I don't particularly care to see. I guess I am just nervous about what might happen. Clay will be there and so will Berta his roommate and sometime girlfriend. And Sally.
She has been a strange part of my life since I was in sixth grade. I married her first fiance. Stole im I did. And the only thing good that came of that was my two beautiful babies, so no regrets there obviously. Did I mention that Sally also dated Clay and Billy??
Well she did, and she is really good friends with Berta. And I slept with Clay last weekend.
The whore in me totally one last weekend. Everyone keeps telling me that I am not a whore.
But I am sorry. I have not yet reached my 35 th birthday and I have slept with 35 men in my lifetime. Maybe one or two more. I need to recount. Anyway. SO they are all going to be down at Happy Land and I just don't want to get the looks. And I really don't want to hear anything either. Oh well. I also want to sing. I think I am gonna take my Staind cd and try out my song.
We'll see what happens. Wish me luck. Oh yeah. Does anyone have a spare altenator rolling around in their garage. I need one. I got to see another angel last night though when my car died in the dark on the main street. An elderly gentleman stopped, pushed my car out of the way and gave me a jump. By then Tannis was there and she followed me home. Well I am gonna go listen to my song. I don't know how much longer I will have internet again now. Jen is moving in with Richard. Hopefully it won't take me long to get my cable bill paid off and get it hooked up myself.
I just wish they didn't have such a huge hook up fee. But you get what you pay for and Cable internet is the best I have ever had.

Thursday, January 26, 2006


I am working on a website for a friend. I need to know if I am on the right track. Please check out this link. http://renegade-auto-detail.blogspot.com/
And tell me what you think.
Thank You.

Prayers and meditations going out around the world

I got this in my email, forwarded from my Moo. I wanted to post it because it is Important to me that we all remember our loved ones in the services now and the ones who have served in the past. THANK YOU.
Military The average age of the military man is 19 years. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's; but he has never collected unemployment either. He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student,pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away. He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155mm howizzitor. He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk.He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark. He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must. He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march. He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts. If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job. He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more sufferingand death then he should have in his short lifetime. He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them.He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combatand is unashamed. He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away' those around him who haven't bothered to stand,remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out,far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful.Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom. Beardless or not, he is not a boy. He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years.He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding.Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood. And now we even have woman over there in danger,doing their part in this tradition of going to War when our nation calls us to do so. As you go to bed tonight, remember this shot.. A short lull, a little shade and a picture of loved ones in their helmets Prayer wheel for our military... please don't break it. Please send this on after a short prayer.Prayer Wheel"Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen." Prayer : When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayerfor our ground troops in Afghanistan, sailors on ships, and airmen in the air,and for those in Iraq. There is nothing attached.... This can be very powerful....... Of all the gifts you could give a US Soldier, Sailor, Coastguardsman, Marineor Airman, prayer is the very best one.I can't break this one, sorryThis is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq. Pass it on to everyone and pray.


I was already there for three tries, I have to go really really really bad. I am trying to hold it still though. I have to go back. They normally don't let people go back in the same day, but because I always have this problem. Ever since I was little, they are letting me try again later. As long as it is before five. So after my L& I meeting I am going back. If you read this between now and then please wish for me that I can pee in that stupid little cup.......

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

woo ooo woo ooo wooo oooooooooo

I got a job!
I got a job!!!
I got a job with the local paper!!!!
I got a job!!
I got a job!!!
Wooo ooooooo I got a job!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

My life confuses me

I am the only person I know who has to make the kind of choices I have to make.
I got a check today for 317.00
With that I need to get all my laundry soaps, dog food, garbage bags, etc, etc, etc.
I also need to pay my rent, by a new pair of shoes, and another pair of pants, put gas in my car, and pay my phone bill. I have to get that paid otherwise the two jobs that I am getting will have no way of getting ahold of me. I have to put gas in my car to be able to get to drug testing and work and all that kind of thing, I need to have another pair of pants because I am down to three and one of those is a pair of very beat up sweats. I had to buy laundry soap and all that because I have to be clean and so do my kids. I had to buy pet food because the animals have to eat.
Do you know how much this leaves me to pay on the rent? Nodda. I have applied for an emergency grant, and I am going to go to Volunteers of America tomarrow to see if they can help me with clothes. I need to make some kind of payment to electric bill because moo moved out and I need to have electricity. It is in her name at the moment. But won't be very soon.
This is not good. All I can hope for is that my landlord will work with me and give me just a tad bit more time to get this months rent paid.
As for Billy I don't know where he is. It is 10:49 at night he said he would be here between 7 and 8 pm.
I took down the other posts because I feel like I am jinxing things. I really like him and he says he likes me. He says he is moving in. A dude. I am confused. He is a big boy though, and I we aren't together officially so I can't even yell at him when I do see him. Men are idiots. And so am I. No wonder I get treated like a whore. I am one.

Monday, January 23, 2006

japanese name

My japanese name is 遠藤 Endoh (distant wisteria) 三千代 Michiyo (three thousand generations).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

GO HAWKS!!!!!!!!!!!




TO BEAT THE HAWKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






Saturday, January 21, 2006

Whenever it appears

My new little icon dude is a frog. And it is a frog that my daughter Sierra drew on the computer. I don't know how she does this stuff. She never ceases to amaze me with her artistic ability. It even flows out through a mouse. I can hardly get the mouse to go were I want it to go. Let alone to draw something and have it come out recognizable and cool like bellie did. I am going to share my new tatoo ideas too.
Oh I can't wait until the day comes when I can get them all done!!!!
The fairy doggie at the top of my blog is going to go on my hip. Its for Sierra. She has requested that I get it for her. Amanda has a Panda. And Lynn is going to have a whinnie the pooh. Not alot going on here...
Going out with Devry again tonight. Gonna go sing Kareoke. We did a kick ass rendition of the monkeys song Day dream believer. I wouldn't mind singing it again tonight. THen Devry and Billy did Save a horse ride a cowboy it was pretty damn good too. Billy stayed here last night. He is just a kick in the pants to hang out with. Hopefully tonight we will have a blast again like we did last night. Their is another bar right close to Happy Land called Frasiers. We went over there for a little bit too and we had a good time. Devry was dancing in a circle of like four girls gettin his groove on. He tried to get me to dance but yeah I just wasn't up for it. I have to feel in the mood and comfortable and all kinds of things just have to be right and then I am still weirded out. I don't know why. I can get up in front of a theater of people and do any part of Rocky Horror Picture show. I can get up in front of the bar and sing with my horrible voice. But I can't dance and enjoy myself at the same time when I am at a bar. Weird huh.?

Thursday, January 19, 2006


Well the puppy I got yesterday had to go back. The landlord approached me just a bit ago to inform me that those particular pittbulls are not allowed on this property.
He really doesn't want any here period. But those especially so he told me to get rid of it today. SO back to Tommy he went. He was so sweet too. And now he is gonna grow up and be agressive against other dogs because Tommy will keep him with his mother who has killed two other dogs and seriously injured several others.
So I guess that wasn't meant to be. I can only go with the flow. I am sure there is a reason for it.
I am still said though.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006



Just kidding! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Okay well lets see. So much has been going on. I really don't know what to blog about first. I was thinking last night about advice.
The advice that I give to others. Recently ( two days ago) Nej told me how right I am. She has been taking my advice lately and has found that things that I have been saying to her for years are true and right. Hmmm. Then I was giving my friend Max some advice and he told me that I needed to meet his dad. Seems me and the old man have been giving Max the same advice and we have never even spoken to each other on the phone. So Max has been listening to us and has found us to be correct. The funny thing is is that I found myself giving advice to Nej and Max that I really need to consider for my own self. Made me think about all the times I have been given great advice by someone and then wondered why they didn't apply it to themselves. We are all like that. It is so much easier to advise and encourage others in their lives then it is to advise and encourage ourselves. Isn't that just fucked up!
So I made a decision. I am going to follow my own damn advice.
Because I make sense dammit. And it is time for ME to realize that.
I am suprised anyone took me seriosly when I wasn't taking myself seriously. How can I ask anyone to trust me if I don't trust myself?
Time to change that. TODAY.
In other news. I got another puppy today. He is an English Pittbull Terrier.
His name is now Malaki. He was my friends dog that he had given to his girlfriend. But girlfriend made him take it back when they broke up.
He actually got two puppies back. So I had wanted one when they were first born. Now I ended up with one. The sweetest one if I may say so myself. So Now I have Three dogs. A wirehair Duschund, an American Yellow Lab, and a Staffordshire Pittbull Terrier. Or English Pitt. They are shorter then the American Pitt. Which is what Kilo is, thats Nejs dog, and since she just moved in with me Kilo is here too. Along with my moms dog may when she is here.Also that means that even though I gave away the worst cat, I am back up tp six, because Nej has two cats.
Lets do another count.
3 dogs) Daezee Dukers, Boceaphus Cleatus Lionel, and Malaki Jethro.
4 cats) Lakota Joe, Sunni Mornin,Buddah, and Rocki Diesel.
2 Fish tanks
3 birds, Buddy(parakeet) and Cleo, and Leo, ( cockatiels)
1 Anole ( lizard ((chameleon)) ) named Thunder.
2 Cats Ottis,and Sassy
1 Tiny ass dog ( chihuahua) Daisy May

I think I have a sickness that makes me addicted to animals. I have to have something though.
Animals, incense, and chocolate.
Hell I could be smoking. I can't believe its been damn near 8 months already!!!!!

Your Life Path Number is 22
Your purpose in life is to use your power for good
Of all the life paths, yours has the most innate power.Your power lies in your vision, and you must recruit others to help you in this vision.You are able to be a great idealist, but you still have the practicality to get things done.
In love, you tend to be a big romantic - but you also tend to keep your distance.
You have a lot of potential, and it's sometimes hard to live up to.Sometimes you just feel like slipping into obscurity and doing nothing.You tend to be prone to dramatic emotions, until you step back and look at things honestly.
What Is Your Life Path Number?

Tuesday, January 17, 2006


I will be spending time visiting around blogville!!!!!!

Thursday, January 12, 2006


screw it. Heres the link http://cradoodled.blogspot.com/ . Too my new naughty blog. Don't go unless ya want to be naughty !!!!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Hey now!

Boy howdy! I just realized that I have not really shown my naughty side to anyone that reads here!
There is this entire part of who I am, an esential part of who I am that no one even knows. And since family reads this too and god knows who else!!! I am not really going to share that here. I do have a diry, naughty ,erotic stories blog. But that is erotica in my fledgling author state. In other words. Its not really very good and therefore not worth reading!...
But I have been tossing around this idea of creating another blog which will be invitation only. And which will be more of me and who I am out in the open. Basically how I reall ,really feel with out sugar coating because of fear of what some folks might think or be offended by. I really can't do that hear like I want to because to many people I know read this blog. As I stated above up yonder somewhere. Soooo, keep a look out in your mail boxes for an invite. And please ask for one if you would like one. Because there are some of you my dear wonderful friends who I believe I would offend and maybe I am wrong. Don't be afraid I will not bite. Not hard anyway!
Okay well. I am going to go figure out what to name the new blog and see what happens with a first,in your face post.
Oh boy!!!!!!!!! I think it will be good for my soul and mind the way this blog has been. I really don't know what I would have done in the last year if I hadn't had the support from everyone here. I can't thank Bloggerville enough for being there for me. And some very ,very special people. SEE LINKS LIST!!!!!!

Monday, January 09, 2006

Back to Me........

Just for starters I want to say. I want more choices for fonts!
Anyway. Not much going on around here. Met some new folks thanks to Nej.
We had a great New Years eve at our new fave hangout. Happy Land Chinese restraunt. I have no clue what the bar/ lounge is called but its part of the restraunt. We sing kareoke there and have a general great time.
New years was a blast and last weekend was just as fun. One of Nej's friends is gonna rent the living room floor for a while. Great guy. Just split from his girlfriend. I am kinda hoping he and moo will hit it off. I have a pretty good crush going on for the guys best friend. His name is Clay. Not Nej's friend, thats Billy. Clay is Billys friend. And he is really really cute. And he likes his ladies Queen sized and thats me!!! My panty ho's say so:) Okay thats a lie I don't wear those. But it says that on this little bear that Amanda got me for Christmas and I just laugh and laugh everytime I think about it. The bear has a little crown and everything. Hm back to subject. So anyway, he is tall and has dark eyes. Although I am not sure if they are dark blue or dark brown. Because it was dark when I met him. I sure would love to find out though. I hope I do!
I could just have Nej call his ex Sally. But I am sure that would not go over to well because Sally was with Jason before I was and uh yeah. We have the same taste in men I guess.. although she was with Billy and I just don't see him that way. Then there is this amazing and beautiful man with dark skin and he is so soft and warm and just like a giant teddy bear. His name is Jimmy and I want him NOW! When we were at the bar Saturday night it was his birthday and he was getting all the girls to kiss him and hug him and all. And he sat down with us and I got up and I said to Jen that I just wanna fuck that man. And she told him what I said! Surprise suprise he said." when?"!!!!!!!! HEE HEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Okay yes I am excited. Shhhhh. Anyway, eh heh. When he hugs a lady it is like she is the only one in the world. The most precious person to him, in those moments he makes you feel like everything is else is G.O.N.E.
And when he kissed me. Oh boy. He kissed NeJ goodbye too, then he came around to my side of the truck and kissed me and when he pulled back he says." mmmmm, mmm, them lips." I just laughed and Nej says" yeah, she got that dsl thing going on." Again all I could do is laugh. I just smiled at him. And then we left. I am conflicted just a tad now. There is are a couple of guys online that I would like to meet and then there is Jimmy, irresistable and loveable, funny and amazing Jimmy. And Clay. I guy that when I saw him I thought to myself. Yup, theres my next man right there. Everytime I have had those thoughts. It happend. I knew it and it happend. I want to meet him meet him. And get to know him and yeah. I can't get him out of my mind. I have a feeling he has no clue about any of this. Most men don't I know. Don't. Okay well I am tired of typing and really want to read blogs for the first time in a while!!!!!!
Love to all:)

Saturday, January 07, 2006


I don't remember my first meeting with Dottie. I was just three days old.
I have been told of it though my whole life. She gave me a sip of beer.
And I proceeded to puke on her~!
My first memory of Dottie goes like this.
I am about three. It is pretty late at night. At least to my mind. There was crab everywhere.
I could here the crab pots boiling and I couldn't wait to get at them. Dottie and her husband Lief were frequent visitors to our home. I had just began to remember faces and names. Dottie came into the house as I was sitting under a high chair or shelf next to the stove. She said. " Neecer get out from under there, you could get hurt." And she pulled on my hands and brought me up in her arms and took me outside with the rest of the people. I remember my mom asking where she found me, and Dottie saying something about I just wanted some crab. I got my crab and a cuddle from Dottie.
I have many many fond memories of Dottie and Lief and their children Liefie, Walt, and, Missy.
Our family is part of a group called the MTA. We all own a cabin on Whidbey Island.
It looks out onto Camano Island. This cabin is a magical place. There is no fighting allowed. Only friendship. And loads of fun and even more seafood. FRESH seafood. I am spoiled by this! I will not touch it if I didnt' see it come out of the sea , go into a cooking pot, onto a bbq, or in the oven, and from their onto my plate. MMm just thinking about that crab is making my mouth water.
Anyway, jump back onto the rails. Sooo many wonderful summers where spent there. Playing cards with the ladies, fishing and shooting crows with the guys, clam digs and crab boils, lots of sun burns and so so so much laughter. In Quiet moments on the deck if a person allows themselves to hear it. The laughter of those who have crossed over can be heard on the breeze.
There is a deep relaxation that comes over me at the cabin. And I am not the only one.
People come from as far away as Alaska and North Dakota and New York City just to come to our cabin. Folks gather and share everything from food to family stories around the campfire.
Sing alongs and drunken obscenities are frequent occurences. Coming away from the cabin is never an empty handed experience. It just can't be explained. I will try to get some pictures posted. Dotty was a huge part of these experiences. Until Lief passed away in 95. We let his ashes go into the water under the walkway. Just like he wanted. He loved it over there so very much. Dotty rarely came there after that it was just too hard. But we still saw her at Kuhnles Tavern and my parents holdiay get togethers and weddings and funerals and the like.
I am who I am because she is so deeply etched onto my soul. The things she taught me are invaluable and I only hope I can some how manage to pass them along to my daughters.
You know when I was a teen I went through a faze where I hated the cabin. I hated summer. blah blah blah. Dottie was the only person who told me that someday. I would see. The cabin would be precious to me and I would love being there. I didn't believe her.
I should have. I fought for the cabin to not be sold as some folks wanted out. It was finally decided that they would just sell their shares and other people would buy them. My dad read a poem I wrote at one of the meetings. Dotty and a few others had been on the fence about selling.
After he was finshed reading and they were all done wiping the tears from their eyes. No one was on the fence anymore. Four shares were sold. Dotties wasn't one of them. She told me it was because of my poem. I was so touched by that. At her wake I was informed that she had a copy of all of my poems that had been shared at funerals and my sisters wedding and for the cabin.
You didn't see that it just took me a few moments to breathe and compose myself again.
Wiping the tears from my eyes to go on with my life. All I can say is. Thank you Dotty.
Thank you, for everything you taught me, excepting what I taught you, appreciating me for who I am and loving me for it. Thank you for showing me how to cut the apron strings. How to stand up for myself. And how to live my life in integrity. It took me a while to really learn them all.
But along the way you were endlessly patient and tirelessly kind. You were an amazing, funny, loving lady who always made everyone feel welcome like family. I am going to miss you and your smoke and your doilies. Mostly I am going to miss your laughter and your hearing your gravely voice saying, " I love you neecer." Thankyou so much for coming to me and making sure I heard you loud and clear. And thank you for making yourself known at the wake.
I am having a really hard time with this. I don't know why some deaths affect me in this way.
I am happy that Dotty has crossed over and can be with her husband and family and so many other loved ones again. I am so happy for her graduation. And she has made herself very known.
And yet I feel so crushed at moments. Like a huge rock is on my chest. Like a hit knife is being stabbed into heart. There are moments when all I want to do is cry. I know I am talking endlessly about this. Several people have asked to be told about her. This I have done. All though I feel that I haven't really expressed what an amazing person she was. And what an amazing place the cabin is. I can't invite you to meet Dotty, but I can invite you each to visit me sometime and come with me to Whidbey Island. And hey added bonus. Phyllis is there!!!!!

Thursday, January 05, 2006


Today we said goodbye to one of the most wonderful ladies and human beings I have ever had the joy to meet.
She was amazing and it was stated at her funeral. The preacher guy was really funny and warm and I really liked him. Which is rare for me.
My dad read my poem that I wrote. no I didn't post it and I don't know that I will.
I didn't think it was all that good but it made people cry so I guess it was effective in some way.
After the funeral service we all gathered at kuhnles Tavern. A place owned by friends of the family. A place were Dottie could often be found and we had a wonderful time reconnecting with people we hadn't seen for ten or more years.
I heard lots of stories I hadn't known before. It is interesting to me to see how people deal with death differently.
Dotties daughter Missy was so strong and stoic and her brother (the youngest) Walt was a teary eyed wreck most of the time. The oldest Lief was a rock and a half! He only got a little weepy when my dad was reading my poem and his voice waivered just a bit.
Today has been a day of rollercoaster rides and walks down memory lane.
I am tired.
More tomarrow......................

Tuesday, January 03, 2006


1) Go somewhere far away and be a stupid tourist taking lots of pictures and mispronouncing general slang terms. 2 ) Kiss the Pope. ( I hear its good luck or something. kinda like the blarney stone.) 3) Make a sand castle. 4) Go to Hawaii and hang 10. 5) Make a difference to a child somewhere in the world. 6) Meet Oprah Winfrey. 7) Convert to catholicism then to Southern Baptist, then to Buddism, then back to what ever the fuck I am now.
2.SEVEN THINGS I CANNOT (won't) DO. 1) Prostitute myself. 2) Understand racisim. 3) understand abuse of anyone. 4) Grow a penis 5) Settle for less then what I know I should. 6) Grow an inch. 7) Visit heaven before I die.
3. SEVEN THINGS THAT ATTRACT ME TO MEN. 1) Eyes 2) neck 3) chest 4) deep voice, 5) sense of humor. 6) kindness 7) Willingness to wear fishnets.
4. SEVEN THINGS I SAY MOST OFTEN 1) it will all come out in the wash. 2) jens says I say "DUDE". 3) Fucking fuckwad.4) gaddamn cats. 5) gaddamn dog.6) fucking family, ( not children)
7) those freekin brats ate that, stole that, took that, used all that, etc etc etc.
5. SEVEN BOOKS THAT I LOVE 1) The clan of the cave bear. 2) The vampire Armand. 3) Vittorio the vampire 4) memnoch the devil 5) um HELLOooooooooo 6) I don't fucking think so.
7) WRONG!!!!!!!!!!
6. SEVEN MOVIES I WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN 1) Legend 2) Rocky Horror Picture Show.3) Grease.4) Stayin Alive.5) Beaches.(love ya roni) 6) The color purple.