Thursday, December 22, 2011

The celebrations start tomorrow

I am ready!!! This christmas might just turn out to be a good one! Well its already the best ever because the girls are here!! They have some presents for under the tree which I think they will be pleased with. I know a few of the things they are getting from other people too that I KNOW will make them very happy indeed! We were gifted a tree and the cats broke it, but I fixed it with a strategically placed book. It is beautiful! I am excited for tomorrow, we are going to my moms. Oooh that reminds me I need to call her to see when we are going to costco, She is buying lots of food for me to make for her party tomorrow. It should be lots of fun, I think a lot of people will be showing up to it that I haven't seen in an ever. Super excited for Saturday too, I had the idea of my sister and I each buying a gingerbread house and we are going to have a contest. Parents against kids!! We are so gonna ice them!! hahahahaa. Merrry Christmas and Festive Yule to all!!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

feeling the pain

Seriously hating FM flare up. This just truly sucks. Being in constant pain that nothing can take away just reeks.
It hurts to breathe, it hurts to type, it hurts to sit, to stand, to lay down. It hurts just to feel my heart beating.
I don't know where this flare up came from. Usually something happens to trigger it. I have been so careful of the usual things. I feel like I have no life other then this pain. It stops me from doing so much. Just yuck

Friday, December 16, 2011


I am so beyond stressed out!!! I hate having these issues with Jim and money. I wish he would get off his lazy ass and get a job!!! I look and look for one for myself and he does nothing. Just lays around doing NOTHING.
I can't breathe

Monday, December 12, 2011

Going forward

The job hunt isn't going so well. I have to admit I am not putting much effort in though. With the holidays I just don't have the energy, and I don't want to start a job two days before christmas. I would much rather wait until January, how ever that isn't going to help my pocket book. I have so many bills to pay and HE has no income to speak of so is no help what so ever. It really is very draining on everything to have him here. But I still can't find it with in my heart to make him leave when its so dang cold outside and the big holdiays coming up. I have yet to talk to his sister to see if he can stay there. I just do not want to take care of him. I can't afford to take care of him. I am thinking he needs more help then I can give. He has some almost dementia type things happening. I am thinking it won't be long and he will need to be in a home. I can't take care of him, not with out getting paid. I know that sounds terrible. But I can't afford to take care of him being on ss myself. Even when I find employment I can't afford the total care of an adult man, and ontop of it I am having to do all the work of caring for an adult man. I cook, clean, remind him to shower, remind him of appointments, take him to appointments. I can't leave him at home alone without having anxiety attacks because I am afraid he will leave the stove on... He has an appointment with ss this week, I wish I could talk to them. He doesn't ever say what needs to be said. He literally drank away most of his functioning brain cells. The strokes he has had have not helped that situation at all. I know they are going to say he doesn't qualify. If they spent even 24 hours with him they would have a VERY different opinion. Possibly even want to put him in a home. How do I make something like that happen. Who do we go to?