Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Oso Strong

On March 22nd 2014 a massive mudslide wiped out an entire neighborhood in Oso, Washington. Most people have never even heard of Arlington or Darrington let alone, Oso, or Hazel. Now the world knows exactly where it is. 43 people from my community where killed in that slide. There where some survivors, people who will now have to try to rebuild their lives with out their loved ones, or their homes, or pets, or any of their belongings. One mother lost three of her children and her husband. I don't know how she is going on every day, I think it might have something to do with her miracle boy, the only one in the family who was home that survived. A young woman lost her mother and her infant daughter. What a devastating thing to go through at such a young age! I don't know how they stay so strong. They are a wonderment to me. I have much admiration for all the survivors, for all of those who lost people they love on that tragic day. Two people are still missing, their bodies may never be found as each day brings them closer to becoming one with the earth. I can only hope that their families and friends can find peace without the body of their cherished person. This event has devastated an entire state. Especially the closer cities and towns. These people were our neighbors, we are all connected to all of them in some way, whether we knew it before March 22nd or not. We all knew them, we all loved them, we had all seen them in the grocery store, or walking down town, or at one or more of the many events our towns put on. We ALL have broken hearts and miss every single one of them. They will never ever be forgotten. Something else that will never be forgotten are the many heroes who jumped right in and rescued people. Defying orders from police officers they went in any way and saved lives. You can't tell a father no when he doesn't know what is happening to his family and he has to get across a debri field. That man WILL make it across and he WILL save many lives on his way to his home. You cannot look at a logger and tell him NOT to go in up to his eyebrows in mud when he hears screams for help. Well you can, but he won't listen. Around these parts you can't tell a man not to go in and look for his brother. The loggers around here will dress that man as one of their own and get him out into the pile and then they will help him search. For weeks.
Around here you don't get to tell these folks not to go out and look for their neighbors, friends, and relatives. You get ignored. We are HICKS. You can take your rules and safety and shove it Mr. because we WILL go out there. You want something done. Call someone from Oso, Hazel, Arlington, or Darrington. We will get r done.
Around here you don't tell people NOT to volunteer, or to donate directly to those affected. We will do it anyway. We will take care of our own. FEMA can keep their money. People from all over the world have donated and there is plenty to go around that none of them will have to pay back. Fema is a JOKE. When it comes to funds. I mean seriously. People are supposed to pay back what they are given! Ya right, they have nothing to give!!!! Their entire world has been literally flipped upside down and inside out by a MASSIVE mud slide. People they love treated the same way by a ruthless rush of mud, trees, rocks, and water. They need help. Not another debt!!!!!
All I have to say is FEMA  go home.
The people of this community will take care of our lost and injured. We will make sure the survivors get everything they need that we can possibly give them to heal and rebuild their lives. They will know that every single person around them is supportive. That we love them and care about them and will not forget them.
I am OSO

Monday, May 13, 2013

Went to my moms yesterday for mothers day, it has been a very busy week. Actually for the last couple of months it seems like there has been a shit storm of epic proportions.It started with Rob breaking up with my on my birthday by removing me from his friends list on facebook. What a guy! Then some minor things happend, like leaky toilet pipes and a other little household mini disasters. Then my sister friend lost her ever loving mind and attacked my daughter. My MOO (mother of origin) has been in and out of the hospital since December. My power almost got shut off. My internet service was disrupted. All this happened after I had to have Jen move out. It has been an emotional roller coaster lately. A close friend lost her husband and went to jail two days later. It was all very tragic. Another friends daughter has severe health problems and is in danger of losing her life every two or three weeks, it is so sad and we are all praying for her. My daughters cat Sakka just got hit by a car, his hip is broken. It is not pretty at all. He will live and his hip will heal but he is very fragile right now. So much has happened, with school and helping my mom I haven't had time to absorb and digest everything. It is a scramble in my brain. I need time to process it all.I thought maybe writing about it would help, but it actually just looks more confusing written out. This is how my brain is thinking through things at the moment, bouncing from one thing to the next and looping back and not processing one thing at a time like I need to do. If I could process the big things I think the little ones would just nicely fall into place and sort themselves out. 

Thursday, May 02, 2013

The List

The list :
When it comes to relationships I have been in too many that have gone the way of all things named waste. Down the tubes. 
I am 42 I have been married twice, I have been engaged three times. I have had many short lived long term relationships, I say that because in my mind it was and still is a forever kind of love with two gentlemen who will remain unnamed. I will always love them. No matter where I am, who I am with, or where I go in life. The most recent of these has absolutely devastated my soul. I am very done with that kind of thing happening. Even though I loved the men in these relationships with all my heart, I realized something very important in retrospect. I was settling. Sometimes in several small ways, sometimes in hugely massive epic ways. We are talking HUGE. HUUUUGE ways in some instances. I was accepting less then what I really really wanted. So far you can easily see from this post already that that method has not worked out for me in any way shape or form, So it is now time for me to make a list ( which often does work for me in other aspects of my life ) which I shall stick to religiously and will accept nothing less then what I really truly want in a relationship. 
I am going to be very honest with myself and the universe about what I want. It is the only way to attract what I want. Be real, attract real man. ( I totally said that in my best cave woman voice.) Sooo, I have thought about these things for a very long time, I have learned through experience what I want and do not want in a relationship. What I will accept and will not accept .
Here it is. The List. 

1) Must be gainfully employed or comfortably retired and capable of taking care of himself and spoiling me with random gifts of flowers and occasional dinners and special weekend get aways.

2) Must want to travel the world and our wonderful country.
3) Must be drug free, marijuana is not a drug in my book so weed is okay
4) Must not be an alcoholic
5) Must be spiritual in nature
6) Must love animals
7) Must be kind, considerate, and loving
8) Must be communicative in words and actions
9) Must be honest and faithful
10) Must be open minded
11) Must be willing and able and desire to be my best friend, confidante, and equal partner
12) Must be weird and yet sane too
13) Must love me for me
14) Must be loving and accepting of my kids and grand kids
15) Will love to go on adventures with me and my friends and family
16) Absolutely must be family oriented
17) Will want me to meet all his friends and family
18) Will expect me to be as open and honest as I am
19) Will have respect for himself and for me
20) Will love himself and me
21) He will own a Harley
22) He will be at least 6'4 and wide shouldered 
23) He will be well groomed, clean, and fresh
24) He will be active and not a gamer!
25) He will love to go hiking, fishing, camping, hunting, swimming and horseback riding
26) He will know what it entails to cherish me and will do it, he will accept my cherishment of him 
21) He will understand that women want to take care of their men and he will let me do it and love it
22) He will be an equal partner in all ways
23) He will not be interested in any woman but me
24) He will not be in to porn
25) He will not be a know it all
26) He will not be rude to me or to anyone else
27) He will not be a big on cologne
28) He will be passionate
29) His sexual appetite will be voracious and adventurous and a bit kinky
30) He will be tattooed and will love mine and we will get many more through out our lives
31) He will love all kinds of music
32) He will appreciate an ice cold beer now and then
33) He will know how to cook and love doing it, especially for me
34) He will like rubbing my shoulders, neck, back, legs, hips, feet, everything
35) He will want to plaster pics of us and all the fun things we do together all over his social media websites
36) He will want to get married some day
37) He will not be afraid of love and will not run away from it
38) He will be man enough to handle my deep affections and will return them just as avidly
39) He will love seafood and hate mushrooms
40 ) He will love to have deep conversations with me about life, love, music, history, anything and everything and will not get upset if/when I am right about things, or know something more about a subject then he does.
41) He will love all the special holidays, my birthday, his birthday, our anniversaries, valentines, mothers day, fathers day. he will want to celebrate them and make them special for both of us
42) He will enjoy going grocery shopping with me and to Value Village
43) He will encourage me to go out into the world more
44) He will appreciate the fact that I do not want to be around him 24/7 he will have a life outside of "us". as will I. IE guys day/night.. girls day/night. / weekends. Example he will go one way I will go another and we will meet up later
45) He will not have trust issues
46) He will be a good friend to his friends
47) He will take care of family
48) He will have people in his life that he has known for most of his life and has never caused deliberate harm to.
49) He will enjoy reading
50) He will enjoy gardening and yard work and want to do it all. 
51) He will understand my deep loathing of taking out the garbage and make sure I never ever have to do it. And I shall in return understand his deep loathing of dusting or scrubbing the tub or what ever and make sure he never ever has to do it.
52) He will not smoke!!!!!!!! 
53) He will be romantic and will surprise me with sweet romantic things often, but not too often
54) He will understand my need for air flow ( fan ) and will not ever turn it off
55) He will never feel embarrassed to be with me, no matter what his friends think of me and he will never ever feel the need to hide me from anyone EVER
56) He will do significant things daily that let me know he loves me. Clarify: significant to me.
57) He will be my very best friend I will be his and no one will no us better then we know each other because we talk constantly
58) He will be so sweet to me that other people get cavities when they are around us
59) He will be as touchy feely towards me as I am towards him, which is a lot
60) He will love houseplants
61) He will love to try new things
62) He will not be afraid to go skinny dipping and shall know of some great spots to do just that
63)He will post wonderful things to me on facebook so that all my friends and family can see how much he loves me  ( I know how that sounds, but I have my reasons )
64) He will be very protective of me, but not in a creepy possessive type of way
65) He will be a big strong man with gentle loving hands
66) animals must love him
67) He will see right through certain people in my life
68) He will always have my back, and will know without doubt that I will have his
69) He will be trustworthy
70) He will be financially savvy
71) He will be an Alpha male with a deep understanding of what it means to be with an alpha female. He will know what that sentence means.
72) He will be a positive person 
73) It will be perfectly wonderful for us to have differing opinions
74) He will be so amazing and awesome that all my male friends will respect him and want to be his friend too
75) He will understand my friendship with Derek and he will respect it
  I do not know if this is finished, I reserve the right to add, subtract and or alter in any fashion I choose. 

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Yet again it has been a long while since I  have written anything to this blog. I can't believe how long I have had this, and how long it has been since I wrote. So much has happened. It isn't worth going over right at the moment though. Maybe at a time in the future after I have gotten used to this again. I have realized lately how much I miss blogging, how much it helps the old noggin to get stuff out. I am in school again, studying psychology. Something I have wanted to do since I had to stop when my 22 year old daughter wasn't even a year old. It has been a long time in the waiting. I am single yet again. I plan on keeping it that way at least for a time. I cannot seem to meet the right man. Maybe there isn't one out there just for me. Maybe I am one of those people who is just destined to be alone for the hardest parts of my life. Maybe I don't love myself enough yet, and so the universe is waiting patiently to put me together with the right person at the right time. More on that later. It feels good to just write. To allow words to flow from my brain to the screen. 

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Well it has been quite some time since I last posted. Blogger has changed yet again. Asshats! I really miss the old blogger of times gone by. It was so much easier and fun to use. It was a nice thing to be able to easily change things about how your page appeared also. This is going to take some getting used to. If I didn't have so much memory stored here I probably wouldn't bother. I feel like going back to the beginning just to see what I was writing about when I first started in 2004. Woof! long time ago! So much has happened as is want to do, in the time that has passed since my last post. Jim and I broke up and I found out what an absolute assholian he is. Good to know. Life goes on. See ya later buttcheese. I have moved on to a fabulous fwb. He rocks my world. What a great friend! The girls are still here with me, the house is still a piece o shit trailer. But we only have to live here so long before we all go our seperate ways in the world. In the meantime we are just grateful for a roof over our heads.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

The celebrations start tomorrow

I am ready!!! This christmas might just turn out to be a good one! Well its already the best ever because the girls are here!! They have some presents for under the tree which I think they will be pleased with. I know a few of the things they are getting from other people too that I KNOW will make them very happy indeed! We were gifted a tree and the cats broke it, but I fixed it with a strategically placed book. It is beautiful! I am excited for tomorrow, we are going to my moms. Oooh that reminds me I need to call her to see when we are going to costco, She is buying lots of food for me to make for her party tomorrow. It should be lots of fun, I think a lot of people will be showing up to it that I haven't seen in an ever. Super excited for Saturday too, I had the idea of my sister and I each buying a gingerbread house and we are going to have a contest. Parents against kids!! We are so gonna ice them!! hahahahaa. Merrry Christmas and Festive Yule to all!!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

feeling the pain

Seriously hating FM flare up. This just truly sucks. Being in constant pain that nothing can take away just reeks.
It hurts to breathe, it hurts to type, it hurts to sit, to stand, to lay down. It hurts just to feel my heart beating.
I don't know where this flare up came from. Usually something happens to trigger it. I have been so careful of the usual things. I feel like I have no life other then this pain. It stops me from doing so much. Just yuck