Monday, October 31, 2011

Its Halloween!

And for the first time in five years my youngest daughters are with me! Its amazing to see how much they change and grow each day into the wonderful women they will someday be. Not to say they are not wonderful kids, because they trully are. I am so hopeful for their futures being bright as the sun. They have such talents and wonderful personalities! I feel so lucky that they decided to stay with me this year. I do feel for their dad. I guess we kind of blind sided him with their decision. He doesn't take these kinds of things well. I cannot how ever focus on that. I have to focus on making sure the girls are healthy and happy and have lots of experiences that help them grow into adults of the finest order. Kids cannot grow up to be productive members of society if they are hidden away from the world and only allowed to go to school or go no further then the mail box. A mail box which is at the end of a very short drive way. Do I worry about their safety. Absolutely! But I cannot allow my fears to stunt their growth. They must be allowed to experience life! They must be allowed to make mistakes and  do bad things. How else will they learn the lessons we all learned? People don't learn by being told. Jeez what a different and very boring world it would be if that were the case. Right now the girls are out with Jim trick or treating. I didn't want them to go alone and I do not do well walking in the cold so Jim said he would go. They walked thru the cemetary to the neighborhood on the other side of it. Their father would never have done that! Or let them go with someone to do it. They have also been to a homecoming dance, and Lynn went to a halloween party saturday night. The parents picked her up and brought her home. Sierra goes to the neighbor boys house at least twice a week to play video games. They are both teenagers. I know that I can trust Sierra though. She has no interest in even having a boyfriend let alone kissing one. She actually thinks about becoming a nun. Then again she also thinks of becoming a cop. Go figure! I told her that she could do what ever she wanted to do and that her father would be proud of her. She doesn't beleive me she thinks she has to do what would make her dad happy or he will continue to not talk to her. I think thats the saddest thing I ever heard. Of course he is proving her point by having no communication with them for over a month now. Makes me so mad. Again I cannot focus on that. This family is going places and my girls are the most important! That includes my oldest daughter and grand daughter too. Aryana will be one year old on November eighth! Holy crow time flies!
Happy Halloween Everyone!!
Brightest Samhain Blessings !!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Been a minute

Well Jim is home from hunting now. He didn't get anything. I guess he and Dale are going to go out a few times around here. So he will be gone all day but be home every night. I think its good for him to get out of the house. But I am glad he will be home at night. Now I have two weeks worth of sleep to catch up on and not sleeping has taken its toll. I am getting sick. Lynn just missed two days of school from being sick so I figure some little cold is going around any way. Yuck. Had a fun weekend with the kids. It was mostly just kicking back and relaxing, but Lynn got to have her boyfriend over to visit so she is on a happy high. Sierra got to play video games all weekend and so she is happy. Laundry from Jims hunting is almost done. I hate the smell of smoke. It makes me so sick. The foster dog is doing great. He is just a total love bug. I am sure he will make someone a very wonderful pet. He deserves a happy ever after. After what he has been through the first three years of his life he needs a happy ever after. I don't know how anyone can just leave a dog in a crate and barely ever feed it or give it water. Never give it a bath and never take it for a walk. Not only did SJ have that happen to him. There were over one hundred others. Some of them had to be put down so they could stop suffering. It just breaks my heart. It will be hard to say goodbye to SJ but we will know we helped give him a second chance at a great life.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


My daughters cat Jadie decided to tell me she was stuck in the cemetary. Which is just on the other side of the fence from our yard. So I walk all the way around to the opening, and all the way around to the back of our yard, and can't find Jadie. I do how ever run into my cat Minion. He never lets me go in the cemetary with out him. Finally as I am setting some flags and flowers to rights, I hear Jadie meowing. She is back in our yard. Magic cat!! So I walk all the way back around to the yard, and call for her. Minion trailing me the entire way, sometimes leading the way, when I would stop to fix a flag or set a toy or flower pot back where it belongs. He thinks I don't know how to get back home. So sweet. I get home and call for Jadie. She is of course back in the cemetary. I decide she can stay there and play for awhile. She obviously has wings or some such thing to get over that dang fence!

Monday, October 17, 2011


I have decided to try to start writing here every day. I used to do that. It was very cathartic.
I think I need the outlet again. It helps with my creativity too. I have a lot to say that most people don't want to hear or read about so I may as well write it here. Even if there is someone out there who spies on me and tries her hardest to hate me. I have done you no wrong! You have only what he says to go by. I hope you know he cheats on you and always will, he can't help it. He has never been able to keep it in his pants and give it to only one woman. Either you deal or you leave. I left.
Thats all I have to say about that, I hope she reads it and then leaves me alone. I don't need to be spied on. If any one wants to know anything all they have to do is ask me. I have nothing to hide. I do want my privacy, but if someone really wants to know. I will tell them.
So anyway, I graduate November 19th!! Actually walk across a stage in a cap and gown graduate!!
First time in my life that I finished school! I am a medical assistant and I am studying for my CMA exam. Which means I will be able to work any where in the united states! YAY!!
I want to move to Hawaii someday. I figure in three to five years I will able to do it.
Its a life goal and I will reach it. I know that I can do that. Because I just did complete the hardest goal I ever had in my life. And I did it with flying colors. Deans list awards, and professionalism recognitions. I received a letter of recommendation from my extern site. A really really nice one as a matter of fact. And when my extern supervisor filled out my final paper work she gave me all sixes. The highest score is fives. I think that means I rocked it!!! Woot Woot yay me!!
Its been really really nice having the girls home again. They are doing well in school so far. They just got to go to their homecoming dance. I would have been afraid of them getting their and getting home okay but Bridget was kind enough to take them and pick them up in her ginormous suburban... I want one, ya the gas will be hell but talk about a safe ride. Its been an adjustment for all of us. I am not used to being the not fun parent. That part kinda bites. When I got to have them in the summers I got to be the fun mom who let them stay up really late, eat junk food, drink soda, and run a little wild. Not a lot, just a little. I didn't realize to them they where being crazy. I am still learning how crazy insane strict their dad has been. They have been living in hell.
I know he doesn't see it that way. I know he loves them. I am not saying he was mean to be mean. I just really think he doesn't have a clue what it takes to have a happy medium. Well this is getting long and I am getting tired of typing. More later. I have a lot of thoughts about this stuff