Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I knew we were supposed to be here!

Yes I did!
I said it to Billy and a few other folks. I knew there was a reason we were supposed to be here.
I will elaborate on that more tomarrow.
In other news, I am moving over to myspace.
I will keep this page up, for my links to those I have come to care so much about.
Please come visit me at myspace, my search for mskajunkitty and you will find me!!!
Gonna go read blogs.
Love to All.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Continuation/ RESPECT please

Okay. When I was staying with my sister I would get up every day and start right in with cleaning her house. We were staying there I felt it was the least I could do. So I would wash the dishes and clean off the counters and sweep and mop the floor. I would do all the laundry, wash. dry. fold. and put it where it needed to go. Three times I cleaned the bathroom, once each week. Twice I watered the plants. I made sure the dogs where fed, I cleaned the livingroom everyday and vacuumed, I made sure the kids cleaned the bedroom and vacummed that floor two. I even fed her birds finally after telling her for three days that they needed food and water. They are her pets, just like Daves Bearded Dragon is his. Those where the don't touches. Finally I just couldn't stand it anymore after watching Gracie litterally fall when she tried to flap her wings. Birds dehydrate very quickly. They had absolutely no water. The dish was DRY, all the seeds where practically flour from all the times the birds tried to get something out of them. I can't help but worry now about how they are.
I know Tannis is normally much more attentive to her animals though, so I can't help but think that she was just too stressed having us there in her sacred space. Which I understand because whenever I have a friend or family member who has problems with a place to stay I cannnot and will not turn anyone away. My sacred space is constantly invaded, but it doesn't bother me the way it does other people. The only time it does is when people sit around on their asses instead of helping out around the house. When they decide that buying cigarettes is helping out.
Okay so here comes the disrespect part. When Tannis told me I needed to go, she also added in their the fact ( yeah right) that I rely on Billy for everything, that I am up his ass, and if she was up Daves ass as much as I am up Billys that Dave would have left her along time ago. And that I don't do anything. I just lay around on the couch all day and don't help out. And that I haven't done anything to try to help me and Billy get a place. That could have been calling churches and this that and the other. That I used to be so strong and now I am just so weak now that I have a man. WHAT??????
Number one I don't rely on Billy for anything. I like that he treats me the way he does, *like a queen* But I don't rely on him. I rely on US. Number two, Which I told Tannis, She and Dave talk to eachother more often during the day then Billy and I do. Where she calls on her breaks and her lunch and when she's on her way home, and when she gets home. Billy or I will call eachother once during the day, and he will call when he's on his way home, and I might call him once when he's on the way if I need him to pick something up on his way.
Number three, I guess the dishes and laundry did themselves and put themselves away, and the vacuum was magical and vaccumed the carpet all on its own. And the bathroom faeries cleaned the bathroom. and and and. While I just layed around twiddling my thumbs. Which really amazes me seeing as she thanked me all the time for doing all that stuff. Number four, I called all the churches and every other agencie out their to try to get help and they all were out of funds or the waiting list where anywhere from six months to five years.
Number five I didn't USED to be strong. I am STILL strong. If I wasn't stong I would have given up. I never give up, I know that we will end up where we need to be in the community we need to be in surrounded by the people we are meant to meet now. And the people we are supposed to be surrounded by.
Yes My sister pissed me off. Not because she asked us to leave. Not because she she loudly berated me in front of my kids and Dave and Billy, but because she berated me period. Because she said those things and it was more the way she said them. Their was no discussing it. Well we did later and I set her straight. She did apologize for her accusations which was cool. But she still treated me with the same disrespect and that PISSES me off.
I am not less then her because I am between rooves.
I have gotten the very distict feeling after looking over the past and her current actions and reaction to Billy. Tannis is jealous of anyone who gets more attention from me then she does. No I don't think she has realized this. But she has some reason for hating each and everyone one of my friends. or their just stupid. She hated John, she hated Jason, and she doesn't like Billy though she says she does. She flirted with all three of them. She flirted with any date I ever had. And she flirts with my best friend Derek. Even though she hates him with a passion. More later getting tired of typing!!! My fingers aren't used to this anymore:)

Sunday, June 25, 2006

First real post

Okay ladies and gentlemen,
This is how its been for my family the last two months.
My puter went up in smoke. LITERALLY, It made veronicas smoke alarms go off because it was on fire!!!
I lost internet anyway so it didn't do me anygood to have a computer.
So I just need a new tower and all that goes in it and I will have my own again.
We were evicted because we weren't able to pay our rent. 650.00 a month is a lot when your total income is only 640.00 a month. Billy was having a bad spell because of the weather. You cannot polish properly in the rain. It just doesn't work. So anyway, any sunny day that did come along he was out there making money, but polishing trucks isn't always reliable income. So very little was made and the rent didn't get paid all the way.....
So then the day after we find out we have to move, our car breaks down. The tranny went and kicked the bucket. So we traded it for a dumpy truck. Not even a month later the trucks axel something or other came apart and the left front wheel started to fall of. So no more truck. Luckily we were at my sisters by this time. Where we stayed for three weeks. She was reluctant to let us stay there and she thought about it alot. But when she found out that we were trying to figure out where we were going after two nights in a hotel. She decided that we could stay there for a week and after that week we would talk about another week. She didn't make the offer based on how many times her and Dave and the kids lived with me, or how I supported them for months on end. Over and Over and Over and Over again. She made the decision based on the fact that she felt sorry for me that I had screwed up my life and she couldn't fix it for me but she wanted to help some how. This kinda ticks me off.
from 1992 to 2000 Dave or Tannis or both of them and Rc. or all of them including mimi have stayed with me off and on for no less then three months and as long as a year and half for Dave. Dave is now with Tannis obviously.
They feel that we are even some how. Even though they still owe me a lot of money for those times. I have never mentioned it to them. Even when I have borrowed twenty bucks and pay it back right away. I don't mention the thousands of dollars I spent taking care of all of them. When they borrow money from me, they pay it back now. Now that they can. But the past is the past they say, and they don't want to discuss it. They feel that Dave buying cigarettes on the weekends and Tannis getting a gallon of milk or two is taking care of themselves in the past. I don't understand how they can think the way they do. I havn't even added it all up. I stopped trying to add it up when I got to five thousand dollars and wasn't even half way through the bills from the past when they lived with me. I won't mention it either. I don't expect anything from my sister. Or from Dave. I take that back. I expect RESPECT.
Even now when I am going through a very rough time. A very challenging time.
I don't expect anyone to help me get through this and set things right again.
Only I can do that. Only me and Billy working together can get us back on our feet. But to be disrespectful to me when I am down. Thats just low. I know I haven't explained that part yet. I will . RIght now I just need to go smoke a cigarette. Yes I am still smoking. And Yes I am planning on Quitting. Next Saturday the first is my quit day. Wish me luck I'm gonna need it!!!!
More tomarrow on where The Queen has been and what The Queen has been up to. And dang tooting I'm still The Queen. I'm just slightly displaced at the moment:)

Saturday, June 24, 2006

I'MMMMMMM BAAAaaaaccckkkkk!!!!!!!

Be afraid be very very afraid!!
I'm back and feelin good now that we are in a place with a bit of stability until we decide where exactly it is we want to make a home.
God its been so long since I've been able to get my thoughts out!
I can' t even tell you how good it feels to be able to sit here and type again.
There is so much on my mind I don't even know where to begin now that I am here.
Okay I have missed all of you so so so very much and I am so sad that some of you have had to stop blogging because of outside influences good and bad. I hope that those of you who have had to step away will come back sometime and let us know how you are doing.
And I wish you wellness and health.
As for us we are homeless . Meaning we are living with good friends for a spell.
We stayed with my sister for three weeks.
I had to take Boceaphus to the pound. Which is still breaking my heart.
And no I don't want to talk about it. I had to give Daezee to Nej. She says we can have her back when we get our own place. I am fine with Daezee being gone. But I know where she is and who she is with so it was very easy to watch her walk out the door. All of the cats were taken to the pound accept for Buddah who has been officially adopted as the complex cat where we used to live. All of the animals found homes immediately with new owners so I have high hopes that they are doing well and are happy. Because here the pound checks out where the animals are going.
Anyway, we still have Lynns bunny Skipper. He is a cashmere rabbit and is incredibly soft and very tame. He has made loosing the cats and dogs easier for the kids. Sierra had to give up her birds. And Veronica has my fishies so I know they are doing great because Roni takes care of stuff like that.
We are staying with G and K and Billy and I have our own space in their shed. Which sounds bad but isn't as it has a window and is carpeted and is a very nice space.
Anyway I am done for now as I want to get reading and checking up with all the folks I have missed so very much!!!!