Wednesday, March 29, 2006

New Kinda Car Wash/ received via email

To All of My Friends, I have previously been getting my car washed monthly at a standard Car Wash. A friend has recommended me to another company that comes to your home or office once a week and washes your car .They are really excellent and I have opted to use them and now have my car washed weekly instead of monthly!

Please find attached their price list, & list of employees (with photo attached)for identification and contact details should you be interested.Cost - $ Who Cares - Worth Every PennyEmployees - Who needs to know their names.
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Monday, March 27, 2006

I must let this out,'
out of my chest,
this black and flapping thing
let it out into the universe
in a big long scream
so it can live free and
be away over yonder
away from me.
This pain is torture,
I cannot sleep,
the unrest
is killing me.
Another sleepless night
Another wakeless day.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I must let this out,
let it go
out into the wild.
Before it takes possesion
of my shattered soul.
I must let it go,
away away away.
I must'nt let it get
out of control.
Deadly is this,
this flapping black thing
this searing anxiety pain
inside my wounded breast,'
I must let this go,
go out into the world,
were it can hurt no one
yet be free of

Sunday, March 26, 2006


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some sacrifices must be made to pay some bills round here so I won't be online for long. And I don't have a clue as to how long it will take to get to where we can be online again. We might just have to go with dial up. God knows I will go completely nutszoid if I don't have this outlet. I might just have to sell the computer though to make sure that their is a roof over my kids heads. And power. I got a disconnect notice yesterday from the power company. Going to see about getting assistance with that though. Billy lost his shop space due to the owner being an ass hole and wanting to charge Billy more and pay less for the cars he wanted done for his lot.
So now we are in a mad dash to find work for Billy and to get some bills paid or we will be living in our little tiny car. ITs time to start offloading stuff. My car that doesn't run, this contraption. Maybe a tv or two. The freezer will have to go back and we will need to stop smoking. Can't afford to do that either. Fuck right now I feel like I can't afford to breathe and as a matter of fact I feel another panic attack coming on. I need like a thousand dollars just to make up for this month and pay half of next months bills. Maybe I should sell my body for advertising space on ebay. God knows I have enough body!
Oh shit I just cracked myself up with that.
I hope to get around to everyone before we have to have this turned off. I am expecting the bill to come in any day now and when it does we will have to call and have it discoed till we can pay it off. Love to all. I will see each of you soon.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

I know its been awhile since I posted a real post. I just now started feeling better.
I slept for two entire days basically. I don't have much to say yet. I don't know why,
I am still in a lot of pain and Billy is still by my side even though I am a lunatic right now.
He has been taking care of making dinner and making sure the kids do their chores.
Then he wasn't feeling well either there for a day or two,
Thankyou everyone for your comments. I appreciate the sentiment,
And yes Phyllis the wedding will be here in Washington we just aren't quite sure where yet.
And since it really isn't all that far off we really need to get moving on these plans of ours.
I hope everyone is doing well and I will try to get around to visit within the next day or two.
Got a lot to do, including getting better. I will post something more later maybe even tomarrow but it may just be a week. I haven't really felt much like getting online at all.
Love to all......

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


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This is the amazing and wonderful man who has been by my side twice now as I lay in a hospital emergency room unable to breathe and freeking out. Cussing out nurses and throwing oxygen
masks and anything else attached to me that overwhelmed me. He calmly dealt with it all and just by looking me in the eyes and talking softly and holding me he helped me breathe better. Kept the PAIN at bay as much as any human possibly can just by being present in the room.
He dealt with my outbursts with calmness and understanding and for that I am so greatful.
I love you MR. Billy!!!!!
Not up to posting much, Billy got out thursday morning. I went to the hospital Wednesday night and friday afternoon and today with severe anxiety attacks due to inability to breathe do to bronchitis and an infection in the bone of my sternum compliments to my first ex husband who broke it about 14 years ago. Need sleep. Still alive, more late. sorry and I love you all,
Not up to posting much, Billy got out thursday morning. I went to the hospital Wednesday night and friday afternoon and today with severe anxiety attacks due to inability to breathe do to bronchitis and an infection in the bone of my sternum compliments to my first ex husband who broke it about 14 years ago. Need sleep. Still alive, more late. sorry and I love you all,

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Now I'm sick, this sucks.
Billy is getting out tonight or tomarrow though so YAY!!! YAY !!!! YAY!!!!
Still don't have a helluva lot to say.
Depression is like that though.
You never know what mood you are going to be in....
Love to all.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Running around like a chicken with my head cut off

Today is going to be a busy day. Right now I am at Veronicas for about long enough to post this. I gotta come back later to finish my blankets and pillows. Then I gotta visit Billy at 2:00 YAY!!
Then run home and get my couch out of my house, clean the carpets and do laundry and clean the kitchen. Then I gotta go get Sharon, try to stop by mouses for a few and then I still need to do a bunch of stuff at home and then go out tonight to Rockos to watch my favorite band.
Sheesh. Then tomarrow, if Sharon doesn't come tonight I gotta go get her then. But I still have to do a whole bunch of cleaning, visit Billy again YAY!!!!! And go grocerie shopping. Shit I also have to find time somewhere to make dinner for my kids in the middle of everything else tonight. Maybe I will pick up some cans of soup and a loaf of bread and they can have soup for dinner. It won't hurt them none, they all love soup.
I just need to find more time in the day. I am so freeking tired from not sleeping.
I got pulled over last night for running a red light. There was a stater right next to me. We both laughed about it, but man, I never do that!!! I laughed all the way home. Thankful I didn't get a ticket and didn't hurt anyone. I went through it really slow though because I was already stopped at it, and was looking at the light ahead that turned green so I went.
Anyway, I gotta jettola.
More later if I am awake.......
HELLO EVERYONE!!!! You are all loved so very very much. I swear I will get around to everyone soon.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

just thought i would join the hnt fun for a day

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sorry that I haven't been around to visit much. There is just a lot going on right now.
Will try to get around to everyone sometime this week might be monday though.
Had a rough day, I fell down and really hurt myself good. Got to see Billy though although it was on a computer monitor and I couldn't touch him, I got to hear his voice and see his face.
We miss eachother very much. All in all it wasn't a bad birthday, Auini made sure that I will have a scar on my left knee to commerate the occasion. I think I might end up going to the er.
I am still awake at this most godly hour because of pain not just because I am missing Mr. Billy.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006



I would like to take a moment to apologize to my mother for puting her in so much pain 35 years ago today.
Sorry moo. I love you!
Thank You Tannis and Moo for the great gifts this year. I appreciate it more then I could ever say.
I hate getting older but I may as well do it gracefully.
Otherwise I am doing ungracefully and I just can't have that now can I.
I get to go visit Billy in jail today though!!! YAY!!!