Saturday, December 24, 2005


Something has just happend in my life for which I have no explanation.
Something tragic to me. Beyond comprehension. It is almost as if someone has died.
Today. Derek decided to no longer contact any of his friends in Washington.
He has refused to answer phone calls, emails, texts, and voice messages.
He is mad at me because I wanted him to think about something. I told him to take the time he needed and then to call me. Having realized that I was going about things the wrong way I decided to try to call him.
Then I talked to a mutual friend who said she had gotten an email.
She forwarded this email to me. I read it. I am devastated. How is it that for the last four years I have been best friends with someone who could just up and walk away just like that. How is it that he can. We were so close. I trully trusted him when he said he loved me with every fiber of his being. That I was his best friend.
That I was one person who understood him above and beyond anyone else.
I don't understand this. I understand maybe needing to take to some time to himself. Feeling overwhelmed with everything that is going on in his life and just needing space. But to just stop all communication and saying it is forever. Even putting in the email that if any of our paths ever crossed again that he would try his best to avoid us. WTF????? Does anyone understand this???
I feel like my heart has been ripped out. There are a lot of I statements in this blog. Yeah. Me, I am frustrated, hurt, worried, angry, sad, and depressed.
Get over it. Yeah, eventually. Just like everything else in my life, I will get through this too. It's just really weird not to have Derek to talk to about this, as he is usually the one I would go to since he is (was) my best friend. I will always love him. I will always want the best for him. And some day I will show up on his front door step and he will hug me and let me back in.

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