Saturday, December 18, 2004

purple anger

Somedays I get so angry I just want to go somewhere isolated and scream my fucking head off,I want to scream so loud and so long that my fucking lungs burst.Sometimes I get so angry that I feel my chest restrict and it actually causes me pain.
I just need to vent about what makes me so fucking insanely angry.
The Father of my children!
We will call him smeagle,just because he is just like smeagle in the way that he thinks only of himself and what he wants or needs or whatever.
He doesn't realize that he is no longer the most important person in his life.When he decided to put it where he put it, he was making a choice to possibly become a father,when we became parents twice over he should have realized at the moment of our oldest daughters birth that life no longer revolved around him,but instead would be centered on the helpless little being we BOTH brought into this world.
I am sick and tired of hearing about how he can't do this or that for the kids or with the kids because he has to think about himself right now,or he has to concentrate on him.
I am sick and tired of trying to explain to my children why daddy still hasn't gotten them the christmas presents he promised them every christmas for the past five years.
Someday he is really going to regret this choice,someday he is going to want to be around his girls and they are going to say."Gee dad I'm sorry but I really need to think about me right now, I am sorry you don't like your nursing home."
Then it will hit him full in the face what he missed by being absent from their lives.And when that day comes I will be to busy worrying about myself to give him a shoulder to cry on.

The least he could do is send them a christmas card or call or something.God I hate smeagle so fucking much sometimes,I just want to hang him up by his boys.

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