Thursday, December 09, 2004

in search of my brain and birthday candles

My goodness,I have lost my brain! I don't think I will ever find it at this rate,my day went allright.....until I woke up that is.I know all I ever do is bitch,whine,moan
and complain.. I apologize,sincerely I do. I will just talk about the fact that my very good friend is on a first date with a guy she met on the internet,he lives in Seattle and is very cute. IF indeed that is his pic! Anywho she is nervous and so am I, I just thank god that she has a celly.I hope she will call me from the bathroom of the restaraunt if he is actually a kook. I have his address and phone number though so if she disapears I know where to send the police. God I am just so positive lately!
FUCK! I will blame it on being married for 7 years to a perpetual gloommaster.
I think I really need to get over that. I am totally in love with my best friend, although I am quite angry with him right now, he is being completely standoffish and I don't know why. He drives truck for a living and I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that he is going to show up unannounced. He has a habbit of doing that and I have a habbit of knowing it... I wonder if he is angry with me???HMMMM a question worth pondering. I really wish that he would pull his head out of his ass and fall in love with me too. He has already told me that I am his Queen. Well okay so how much of a stretch would it be to date me???????
I am quite confused by his behavior as it is anyway.One minute he is flirting with me quite dangerously then the next he is distant. I think he is confused about his feelings for me, but he won't even admit to that. His favorite saying is that he doesn't know what being in love is anymore. His ex hurt him that badly. Hey man I have been there I know exactly how it feels to love someone and they don't love you back. My entire marriage was like that, then when I got the divorce he acted like it was the biggest insult in the frickin world and he didn't want to get divorced because he didn't want another failed marriage!!!!!!! DUDE!!!!!! Like I want to stay married to someone who doesn't love me just because he doesn't want to fail at being married. I hate to break it to him, but he was a terrible husband. And I for one am ssooooo glad to be out of that relationship. It was hard enough to get my self esteem back! And as I said earlier I am still battling the negative virus.I will get better I swear to myself and anyone who chances to read this, I will be more positive everyday I will work very hard at it. It WILL happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well It is my daughters birthday today! She is 10 years old! HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!
10 years ago today at 6 am on the dot, my brightest star was born! I love you bell!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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