PISSED

The one thing I can't handle is being judged about my parenting. I just can't take it. Anyone wants to know how to piss me off quick fast and in a hurry....judge me on my parenting. You will have a fight on your hands. I am so very very angry right now. Its better if I don't speak out loud. So I am writing it out. This may be an appearing disapearing post. I am so very very very upset. I can't believe what was just said to me. I know most people would dismiss it off hand. But being a mom is very personal to me. It shatters my soul when someone thinks I am bad at it. I know, I know, people can only effect me in the way I allow. I just can't seem to help it on this score. Especially coming from someone who has no room what so ever to say anything to me. I don't beat my kids. I don't make them bleed and I don't have to get them ice packs when I'm done punishing them. Don't tell me I am ignoring my kids! I don't hide from them as much as I can. My kids may not live with me every day. I may only get them for a month. But I am not ignoring them. I am allowed to have privacy while they are here with me. I am allowed to still be an adult and to still need a moment to myself. Even if that moment is an hour. I asked my kids if they felt ignored and they said no. Thats good enough for me. BUT. The fact that someone is judging me just makes me so mad. I work very very hard at not judging people. Seeing people really for who they are sure. Wether that is good or bad. And I accept them good bad and indifferent. Choices they make aren't always good and aren't neccasarily choices I would make. But thats one of the greatest gifts of being human. We don't all think or act or believe the same exact things. I don't feel its right to smack my kids so I don't. I don't feel its right to scream terrible things at them so I don't. I feel its best f0r them to live with their dad now, so they do. He doesn't beat them either. My kids and I have been through a lot together and we know the score. Don't judge me. Ask me, if you have questions. But do not judge me.

wow

Well its been a little bit again. Just got internet so I should be able to blog much more often now. It makes me feel better so I hope thats true. We have been having weather straight out of hell the last few days. We be going to the river again today. The other day Tracy and I took my niece and they found tiny little garnets!!! How cool is that!!!!!
Anyway things are great. Kids got to visit grandma and grandpa. They had a lot of fun. I heard a funny story last night about Sierra and Grandpa ( keep in mind the man has had a very severe stroke, brain surgery and is in a nursing home ) Sierra was feeding him some crab, and he put his hand out towards her and she thought he wanted to hold the crab. ( she was holding it and feeding it to him as he would have dropped it) And she said to Grandma.. " Oh I think he wants to hold the crab." Just then grandpa pointed at Sierra and said " mmm pretty titties." Sierra didn't catch on at first and Grandma had to tell her what grandpa said. Sierra just laughed and laughed. Its funnier if you can hear it told in person I suppose but we got quite a kick out of it. That is Sooooooooooo not something you want to hear from your grandpa!!!!!!!!!
But you know he doesn't know she is who she is so we can let it go and see the humor in the situation. I am glad they got to see him and spend so much time with him. He probably won't be around next summer. They also got to go to the cabin with grandma and their sister so they have been having a lot of fun. Jim ended up moving in while they where at grandmas so they got to meet him yesterday when we went to pick them up. He was all hopped up on jelly bellies and mt. dew and they thought he was hilarious.....And we have all found ourselves in a jeff foxworthy joke. Gonna post a pic to go with that so you can just see what I be talkin bout.












Tj and her daughterspet rooster. We opened the back door yesterday and he decided he needed to perch and sit in front of the fan and watch jackass!!!!!




This is mystic. We let them out into the side yard sometimes. He pokes his head into the bathroom window whenever anyone is in their taking care of business. Its a little disconcerting when showering...peeping toms have nothing on this horse!

Been Awhile

Well lots has happend since my last entry. On the third of July I went to a bbq at a friends house and ended up running into my very first serious boyfriend. First a lot of things actually. He was like my best friend when we were teenagers. We drifted apart as those who meet in middle school often do. He moved away to another city and we saw eachtother here and there a time or two but then before I blinked it had been 23 years! When I asked my friend who all was coming and she said his name I got all dizzy and excited I have been dreaming about him for the last few months that I would run into him at this certain friends house so it was exponentially weird!! So anyway I told her " You gotta call him, what do you mean he might? show up? what does that mean, call him right now, or let me call him, give me his number he has to come!!!!! " I went on for about 30 seconds at a very rapid pace I don't know how she understood what I was saying but she told me to calm down as she was laughing and gave me his number. I called him. Shaking and being dizzy and a lil out a breath from all the talkin so fast. I didn't think he would answer because he wouldn't recognize my number. But he did!!! He said hello, I had heart failure and said hi Jim!! He said who is this, I had a seizure and said Denise....he stopped breathing and said Barclay? I had a blue and purple cow and said Yes. How you doing?!!!! I think he died for a second then he started yelling !!!! Denise!!!!! Denise!!!! Oh my god how are you where the hell are you how have you been oh my god its so good to hear your voice!!! And then I was talking at the same time and then I stopped cuz I realized we weren't getting anywhere speed talking over eachother... So anyway in the conversation I asked him if he was married and he said yes but workin on getting a divorcel. I told him I was sorry to hear that and I am. And then I told him he had to come to the bbq because he had to come see me...he said he sure the fuck was gonna be there now. YAY!!!! So he did come to the bbq and we have been talking non stop ever since. Its the weirdest but coolest damn thing ever. We have this incredible connection and don't know for sure where its going but I swear up and down he is the one. And I hope that things go the way we both want them too. I am falling in love again and I am scared shitless. Then on the tenth Tracy and I went and did a turn and burn to MiltonFreewater to go get Sierra and Lynndsey. We have been having so much fun!!! Friday we went hiking up to the ice caves. So beautiful. I will post some pics soon I hope. Gotta go run off with the cobblings now!!!!!!!