Monday, August 31, 2009

Don't know what to think

I don't know what to think about Joan, ( my mom) sometimes... I think she is crazier now then when I was a kid. And I know part of it must be because of whats going on with my dad. I called her the other day to find out what nursing home he is in,. And she told me, then I asked her if there was any way I could get copies of pictures of the all the MTA people. Because all us kids want to have a reunion. She said she would think about it and it was a fairly pleasant conversation. About a half hour or so later she called me...." Hey Denise, could you just not call me unless its something really super important...I just can't deal with all your drama right now, this is hard enough without having to deal with you and your drama. Can't you just take care of yoru daughter or something. ( here she starts bawling) I just know you have your dad dead already, and I'm sure you have already written the poem for him, I just can't hand...le. It. This is just too much, this is just so hard and I don't know why you are calling me with drama...( she is getting hysterical now) I just can't do it all anymore, just don't call me about anything unless its really super important. Just leave me alone, I don't have anything for you and I'm not helping you have a memorial for your dad.. This is where I stopped her, I said, " I'm really very sorry you took my request that way, I apologize, this isn't easy for me I know how difficult it must be for you.. I am very sorry that you took it that way, That was very much not what I was requesting pictures for... Then she hung up on me.....WTF???
I don't get it. I really really don't get it!! Of course I wish my father wasn't living like this, of course I wish he had passed away with the stroke. I know he wouldn't want to live the way he is living!! But of course I don't have him dead already. and of course I haven't written a poem for him yet!!! I just wanted some copies of pictures to share with all the other kids! Who are now adults just like me and we want to walk down memory lane together and have a great time. It has nothing to do with my dad, and everything to do with ALL the MTA people, the cabin, us kids and all the wonderful summers we spent together! And I know this is hard for her, I know she is going thru hell.. He's my DAD. Does she think its easy for me to know the condition he is in, does she think it is easy for me to handle, does she think I don't think about him every waking moment and even in my sleep??? I really don't understand.

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