Monday, August 10, 2009

can't sleep

There is a beautiful naked man in my bed. I can't sleep. And no its not because he is snoring. Which he is but he is a soft snorer. I have gotten very comfortable with him in my bed. Even though he isn't mine and I am not his. I love having him here. I love having his daily companionship. I love being a witness to his life, I love that he is is witnessing mine, that we are able to once again participate in eachothers lives. Its amazing to me that he is in my life and even more amazing that I am getting to spend so much time with him after so very many years apart and not even knowing if he was dead or alive. Its been wonderful getting to know eachother again. There has always been a weird but super cool connection between the two of us. He is going through a very difficult time in his life and I am glad that I can be here for him. He is a trully amazing person and I have missed his presence in my life. The fact that we can reconnect like this and become such an important part of eachothers lives is just awesom. It was funny today, we realized that all those many many many years ago we never broke up. What a hoot we have been cheating on eachother for 20 + years!!! He's been married three times, I have been married twice, we each have children with others. How funny. So all this time later to be in the same house sharing a bed is just incredible. He was my first. And a large part of me is hoping that somehow he will be my last. And many many many years from now. Taking things slow in the relationship department is hard for me. I want more then what he can give right now. We are both aware that he wants more then he give right now. And we have discussed the entire situation. We both understand whats going on. Others in our lives don't quite get it. They don't have to. Jim is my best friend. And lover. And right now, in the moment. Loving eachother is all we can do.

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