Sunday, September 25, 2005


OMYGOD! I think I have lost my ever loving mind. I hate my job now. Okay so I love it when people come to the door and get flowers they weren't expecting. I HATE getting and being lost all the damn time. I get so freeking turned around it ain't funny. Maps do not make sense and neither do roads the way they have been named and numbered. And it really really sucks when I am given the wrong house number and street number and go on a wild goose chase. I have been going crazy without and I.C.( internet connection for those of you who don't feel like thinking) I feel like I am going to explode with all the stuff I want to say and have no outlet for right now. So here I am at Princess T's house getting in some blogging time. I am hoping I can visit at least a few people to.
Man I miss this. It feels so good to write! We should be moving into the apartment this weekend. That is if all has gone as according to the landlords plans and he has it ready. I gots the money man and I will be more then happy to be the hell out of the house I am in. I love it. And I hate it. I think I hate it because renting from ones parents tends to keep ones parents in ones life much to deeply for ones happiness and peace of mind. Strange coming from someone about to move in with her mother!! My Moo is a different kind of parent though. She is the kind of parent that rocks! Minds her own business and is just cool to be around. A comparison came to the fore today. As it often does. I went shopping with Moo and Princess T and was comfortable. As last Sunday when we went to lunch and shopping. Going to lunch and shopping with my mom and sister V is often uncomfortable an stressful and I feel out of place and like they would be having a better time if I wasn't there. I get to listen to them talk about all the people they know in common. Or just about stuff they did without me. Sister V is Moms birth daughter.
And even though Princess T is Moos birth daughter I never ever feel out of place or unwanted. Weird eh. Not so much.
Anyway. I missed work for the first time Wednesday. My friday, because I have a terrible horrible owful cold. I can barely breathe and I am very prone to dizziness and weakness. I don't know if I will make it tomarrow. This is the first day I have been out of bed for more then ten minutes. Seriously, the most strenuous thing I did since tuesday was wash my dishes two or three times and that took my breath away!
Genie called me on Saturday and told me to bag Monday because of the way I sounded. I told her no I will be there, but she said don't I dare! She doesn't want to get sick and the shop can't have her get sick because she is now our only arranger!!!There is no one to cover for her at all. So I may not go to work tomarrow either. In that case though I am going to go to my bro's for the day. Cuz I am not going to here any more from my Dad about how I am going to lose my job. When I told him I was looking for a different one all he could do was put me down. Hmm you tyy getting lost every ohter minute and see how it makes you feel. You try missing streets and house's because you are to blind to see them. Its frustrating and I don't like it.
Pan got in some big ass trouble too. She has been skipping classes since the first day she went to school and Friday she didn't come home. She went to some party and drank and got stoned and came home stoned out of her mind. So I am pulling her out of school. I am going to home school her because I am not standing for this behavior. Again my dad just put me down. he actually told me I should have Amanda go to foster care and they could make her go to school. Sorry dad, if I can't make her attend classes then no one else is going to. And I am not going to just throw my child away like that. She will do fine. We will figure it all out. I don't know where I ever learned that parents were supposed to be supportive of there children, lord knows mine sure weren't. I don't know how many times I have been told how they wish they didn't even know me. Wish granted......

Love all ya all. Hope to be back to this regular like in a few weeks here. Gotta love moms who want cable everything!!!

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