Sunday, February 12, 2006

I just realized something

I have gotten boring. That is why no one is around. I have been boring for a few weeks now.
I am thinking of deleting this blog. I don't know that I will. Its just a thought I'm kicking around.
I love to blog, I love to LJ. Heck I am always typing it seems. I always have something to say.
I am having difficulty lately saying what I want to say. Things are different in my brain then how they come out of my mouth or through my fingertips. Maybe I should just take a break. I hate being away though. I hate not giving myself the outlet. I NEED this space of the world to be me.
Who I am. Wether anyone reads or comments is really of no consequence. I do this for me.
I say what I want because that is what I Am thinking. Sometimes I regret things I have said online. Just like life. Online you can take it and delete it. And if you are lucky people will forget you said it. Not so in real life. Where you speak to someone and they HEAR what you have said.
It is harder to forget what someone says to you if it hurts you or offends you. I am in a strange mood right now.
Our friend Richard helped us go get an entertainment center and bookshelf from my sisters friend Landon. He is leaving to go live in California. He decided he doesn't like it up here anymore I guess. Thats okay. I like Landon and I will miss him, but I think he will be better down there. It is brighter and sunnier more often then here and he needs that.
Hell I can't wait to leave Washington someday. Everyone who lives in sunnier brighter states keeps telling me to get out of Washington. Because it is so dark and dreary here for six months out of the year. Not to good for someone who is supposedly bi- polar. I am telling you I belive I have been misdiagnosed. Ever since I stopped taking medication, before I even started blogging. I have felt better then ever before. Not to say I haven't been depressed or gotten down a bit. I have. absolutely. But not to the point of considering suicide. Which I used to do about every other minute before. And even attempted at least three times that I can consciously remember.
Anyway. Thank you Rich-ard for coming so far out of your way to do that for us today. And thank you to Landon for being so generous as to give us a beautiful piece of furniture. It was deceptively light just as you said!
I hope you have a wonderful life in California.
Once more I would like to tell the world how much I love Billy.
He is an amazing and wonderful man. I am so glad that we are together.!!

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