Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Missing Billy

I am laying in bed watching tv and all I can think about is Billy. Its is 3:07 am.
I know he is only going to be gone for thirty days and I know I can go visit him sometimes.
But he is not HERE. He is in jail, no freedom. Can't even smoke a cigarette. Maybe they will do something about his tooth though. I don't even know if he knows he can see the dentist while he is in there. I got used to him being around. I never thought I would want another man in my life until I met him. I really thought that there was no way I could fit another person into my life.
Or that I could fit all of my life into another persons. It is amazing to me how easily we meshed.
Everything just came together just like that.
I miss him so much.
I know that their are people out there missing their partner for much longer then I have or will be missing mine because their partner is in the military. I really don't know how they deal with it except for one day at a time.
My hat goes off to them.
I know our situation is nothing like theirs but that doesn't make it easier.
Or less.
Just different.
I miss him so much. And I am so tired. I got a lot of stuff done today in a short amount of time.
Stress cleaning.
I guess it can be a good thing.
It will come in handy in the next few days. Poor Billy won't recognize the place when he gets back. I am sitting here racking my brain on how to pay things. I have to pay my phone bill. It is the only way the kids schools have getting ahold of me.
Or me them, or the doctor or 911 or anything like that.
I can't afford the freezer payment so on the seventh that will have to go back.
I don't know what to do about the rest. I still have pud and rent and cable and and and and.
Not to mention dog food cat food crickets fish food bird food. ARRGGGG.
That doesn't include dish soap garbage bags, shampoo razors and stuff like that.
I am not supposed to work because of my health. But I really don't see how I have any other choice. I need to get something at least temporary until Billy gets out of jail. Or I need to rob a bank or something. No I won't do that. I promise, I don't need to join Billy in jail. And knowing my luck I would try to rob a bank with a police officer in the next line. Seriously thats how things work out when I try to be bad to the bone.
So I think I will just behave myself try to find a job and go to volunteers of America just in case.
I don't know what they can do for me but I need to have back up of some kind.
Billy has just gone to jail at the wrong time. we were depending on his income to pay the bills and stuff. He will be in their on my birthday too. I will be 35 this wednesday and I don't wanna.
Especially if Billy can't be with me.
This just bites.

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