Saturday, February 11, 2006


Went out last night with Sharon and Jason. They were bummers and left early. Then when Billy and I got home they weren't even here they had driven back to Whidbey Island. Which was fine because we don't much care for Jason. He is a bummer.
No not MY Jason Sharons Jason. Although I think there is something with the name.
Because MY Jason has always been a downer too. Anyway. Billy and I had a great time at Happy Land. Ran into Jens Ex husband you got it his name is Jason. Although he is just mean he isn't really a downer. He can be without meds though. So, there where a lot of people from the past that showed up last night. Tonight we are going back down of course. Hoping to meet Richard and Clay down there tonight. Today we are going to MT. Vernon so Billy can mow his Grandparents yard for them. Which means I get to meet some of his family. I am excited and nervous. What if they don't like me?
Billy says they will love me like all of his friends so far love me. Some of them have even taken me aside and told me that they have never seen Billy so happy and relaxed and they don't know what it is about me or what I am doing but they are glad to see it. That makes me feel good. Especially when Billy tells me how much he loves me. No one has ever told me they love me more then someone else they have been with.
Its weird for me to feel so loved and so loving toward a man. After being single by choice for the last eight years. Don't get me wrong you all know I ain't been a nun!
But actually being in a relationship just hasn't appealed to me until now. And the short lived ones I had just weren't like this. I love Billy. Not in any heart wrenching way, but in an easy way. I feel happy and relaxed and slow and even and steady. I am having a hard time putting it into words. I think it might be my age.
Now at this point in my life I know if he leaves I will be just fine. I don't NEED him in my life I WANT him in my life.And to me that is a very important difference from the past when I felt like I NEEDED the man in my life. I don't rely on Billy for anything other then being here and being true to me. And that is easily solved if he isn't. Thats just packing bags and leaving them on the front porch!
And yes I would do that that easily. I will not ever be cheated on again. Or lied to. Or put down. I have some very definite deal breakers and if they are broken its over. PERIOD. There is no apologizing or giving it another chance. Sorry. Just don't fuck it up to begin with man. That may be harsh but that is the way it is. I am not into being hurt repeatedly. I don't know why but I trust Billy not to cheat on me.
I trust him not to break those deal breakers. He is different. This relationship is different. Billy is actually a strong enough real enough TRUE MAN. He can handle the Queen!!!

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