Wednesday, March 23, 2005

ARRRGGGGGG

Apperently I am irrational and I am on a whim. According to my father anyway. Oh yes, I am not thinking of my children and I am not providing a good environment for them. And for some reason I won't be putting them in school when I get to Florida. This is amazing to me. Oh yes AND to top it all off, they are not evicting me it is my choice to be moving out. Well okay thats not what I got from my mom telling me that things were going to change when they got home. That it was a hard decision, that they needed to sell the house. That told me that I needed to figure out where the hell me and my three cobblings where going to live. So that is what I did. And know he is telling me not to blame them for my decision. Who said anything about blame? I know they need money, I know they are selling the house to get that money. I am not angry with them for what they need to do to survive for themselves. Why does there have to be blame. Why is it that I am being told that I need medication, that I am irrational and on a whim. If they are going to miss there grandchildren why can't they just say that. Instead of saying things that make me feel like crap. It was so strange too. Right before my dad called I was talking to BIB about the move, and this very very hot young man came to the door. He is an real estate agent and there is someone who wants to buy the houses and the property. The house isn't even on the market as of yet. This is a word of mouth kind of thing going on. And the guy gave me his card and went to leave and before he even got in his car my dad called. Before he could start in on me I gave him the info to get ahold of the hot young man who sells houses. Anyway. I took this occurence as just one more sign that I am doing what I am supposed to do. I just need to have faith in God. I know he will not lead me down the wrong path.And if my dad thinks I am irrational and I need medication. Well maybe he should just talk to god about it.Of course if I told my dad that he would tell me that I am a hippie and a lunatic. Not that he doesn't believe in god. Just that he thinks that god just lets us wander with no direction. I believe god guides us, all we gotta do is pay attention and do.I want so much for my parents to be supportive of me and my choices. I know now that this is never going to happen. Even when I had decided to go back to school my dad told me it was a dumb idea. I just don't get it. Why are they afraid of my success, why does it seem like they want me to fail. Everything I do is wrong. None of my accomplishments have ever been remotely recognized. I just don't understand it. I don't want to be around it anymore. I feel that it is right for me to go to Florida and I feel it is the right thing for my children. If I didn't think it was the right thing to do I wouldn't go. I have put it off for years and have gotten no where, well I have been in circles, God is leading the way on this and I am following......

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