Friday, July 31, 2009
PISSED
The one thing I can't handle is being judged about my parenting. I just can't take it. Anyone wants to know how to piss me off quick fast and in a hurry....judge me on my parenting. You will have a fight on your hands. I am so very very angry right now. Its better if I don't speak out loud. So I am writing it out. This may be an appearing disapearing post. I am so very very very upset. I can't believe what was just said to me. I know most people would dismiss it off hand. But being a mom is very personal to me. It shatters my soul when someone thinks I am bad at it. I know, I know, people can only effect me in the way I allow. I just can't seem to help it on this score. Especially coming from someone who has no room what so ever to say anything to me. I don't beat my kids. I don't make them bleed and I don't have to get them ice packs when I'm done punishing them. Don't tell me I am ignoring my kids! I don't hide from them as much as I can. My kids may not live with me every day. I may only get them for a month. But I am not ignoring them. I am allowed to have privacy while they are here with me. I am allowed to still be an adult and to still need a moment to myself. Even if that moment is an hour. I asked my kids if they felt ignored and they said no. Thats good enough for me. BUT. The fact that someone is judging me just makes me so mad. I work very very hard at not judging people. Seeing people really for who they are sure. Wether that is good or bad. And I accept them good bad and indifferent. Choices they make aren't always good and aren't neccasarily choices I would make. But thats one of the greatest gifts of being human. We don't all think or act or believe the same exact things. I don't feel its right to smack my kids so I don't. I don't feel its right to scream terrible things at them so I don't. I feel its best f0r them to live with their dad now, so they do. He doesn't beat them either. My kids and I have been through a lot together and we know the score. Don't judge me. Ask me, if you have questions. But do not judge me.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
wow
Well its been a little bit again. Just got internet so I should be able to blog much more often now. It makes me feel better so I hope thats true. We have been having weather straight out of hell the last few days. We be going to the river again today. The other day Tracy and I took my niece and they found tiny little garnets!!! How cool is that!!!!!
Anyway things are great. Kids got to visit grandma and grandpa. They had a lot of fun. I heard a funny story last night about Sierra and Grandpa ( keep in mind the man has had a very severe stroke, brain surgery and is in a nursing home ) Sierra was feeding him some crab, and he put his hand out towards her and she thought he wanted to hold the crab. ( she was holding it and feeding it to him as he would have dropped it) And she said to Grandma.. " Oh I think he wants to hold the crab." Just then grandpa pointed at Sierra and said " mmm pretty titties." Sierra didn't catch on at first and Grandma had to tell her what grandpa said. Sierra just laughed and laughed. Its funnier if you can hear it told in person I suppose but we got quite a kick out of it. That is Sooooooooooo not something you want to hear from your grandpa!!!!!!!!!
But you know he doesn't know she is who she is so we can let it go and see the humor in the situation. I am glad they got to see him and spend so much time with him. He probably won't be around next summer. They also got to go to the cabin with grandma and their sister so they have been having a lot of fun. Jim ended up moving in while they where at grandmas so they got to meet him yesterday when we went to pick them up. He was all hopped up on jelly bellies and mt. dew and they thought he was hilarious.....And we have all found ourselves in a jeff foxworthy joke. Gonna post a pic to go with that so you can just see what I be talkin bout.
Tj and her daughterspet rooster. We opened the back door yesterday and he decided he needed to perch and sit in front of the fan and watch jackass!!!!!
This is mystic. We let them out into the side yard sometimes. He pokes his head into the bathroom window whenever anyone is in their taking care of business. Its a little disconcerting when showering...peeping toms have nothing on this horse!
Anyway things are great. Kids got to visit grandma and grandpa. They had a lot of fun. I heard a funny story last night about Sierra and Grandpa ( keep in mind the man has had a very severe stroke, brain surgery and is in a nursing home ) Sierra was feeding him some crab, and he put his hand out towards her and she thought he wanted to hold the crab. ( she was holding it and feeding it to him as he would have dropped it) And she said to Grandma.. " Oh I think he wants to hold the crab." Just then grandpa pointed at Sierra and said " mmm pretty titties." Sierra didn't catch on at first and Grandma had to tell her what grandpa said. Sierra just laughed and laughed. Its funnier if you can hear it told in person I suppose but we got quite a kick out of it. That is Sooooooooooo not something you want to hear from your grandpa!!!!!!!!!
But you know he doesn't know she is who she is so we can let it go and see the humor in the situation. I am glad they got to see him and spend so much time with him. He probably won't be around next summer. They also got to go to the cabin with grandma and their sister so they have been having a lot of fun. Jim ended up moving in while they where at grandmas so they got to meet him yesterday when we went to pick them up. He was all hopped up on jelly bellies and mt. dew and they thought he was hilarious.....And we have all found ourselves in a jeff foxworthy joke. Gonna post a pic to go with that so you can just see what I be talkin bout.
Tj and her daughterspet rooster. We opened the back door yesterday and he decided he needed to perch and sit in front of the fan and watch jackass!!!!!
This is mystic. We let them out into the side yard sometimes. He pokes his head into the bathroom window whenever anyone is in their taking care of business. Its a little disconcerting when showering...peeping toms have nothing on this horse!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Been Awhile
Well lots has happend since my last entry. On the third of July I went to a bbq at a friends house and ended up running into my very first serious boyfriend. First a lot of things actually. He was like my best friend when we were teenagers. We drifted apart as those who meet in middle school often do. He moved away to another city and we saw eachtother here and there a time or two but then before I blinked it had been 23 years! When I asked my friend who all was coming and she said his name I got all dizzy and excited I have been dreaming about him for the last few months that I would run into him at this certain friends house so it was exponentially weird!! So anyway I told her " You gotta call him, what do you mean he might? show up? what does that mean, call him right now, or let me call him, give me his number he has to come!!!!! " I went on for about 30 seconds at a very rapid pace I don't know how she understood what I was saying but she told me to calm down as she was laughing and gave me his number. I called him. Shaking and being dizzy and a lil out a breath from all the talkin so fast. I didn't think he would answer because he wouldn't recognize my number. But he did!!! He said hello, I had heart failure and said hi Jim!! He said who is this, I had a seizure and said Denise....he stopped breathing and said Barclay? I had a blue and purple cow and said Yes. How you doing?!!!! I think he died for a second then he started yelling !!!! Denise!!!!! Denise!!!! Oh my god how are you where the hell are you how have you been oh my god its so good to hear your voice!!! And then I was talking at the same time and then I stopped cuz I realized we weren't getting anywhere speed talking over eachother... So anyway in the conversation I asked him if he was married and he said yes but workin on getting a divorcel. I told him I was sorry to hear that and I am. And then I told him he had to come to the bbq because he had to come see me...he said he sure the fuck was gonna be there now. YAY!!!! So he did come to the bbq and we have been talking non stop ever since. Its the weirdest but coolest damn thing ever. We have this incredible connection and don't know for sure where its going but I swear up and down he is the one. And I hope that things go the way we both want them too. I am falling in love again and I am scared shitless. Then on the tenth Tracy and I went and did a turn and burn to MiltonFreewater to go get Sierra and Lynndsey. We have been having so much fun!!! Friday we went hiking up to the ice caves. So beautiful. I will post some pics soon I hope. Gotta go run off with the cobblings now!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Adventures in Hiking
So far this year I have been hiking four times. The first time we went to Lake 22 and I didn't make it all the way up because I am getting up their in age and my damn hip went out. It was so much fun though and I was determined to get to the Lake. So the next weekend we went up again. And I made it!!! It was incredibly beautiful and I felt so victorious. It was a great feeling. The next day we went exploring and found some more trail heads that looked promising. The next day we went to Boardman Lake and that was an absolute blast. It was much easier then Lake 22 and we went fishing there too. It was breath takingly beautiful I think I will post some pics......
On the trail towards Lake 22
Lake 22...YAY!!
Exploring some back country roads looking for trails. We came upon this spectacular view
Lake Evan. On the way to Boardman.
On the trail towards Lake 22
Lake 22...YAY!!
Exploring some back country roads looking for trails. We came upon this spectacular view
Lake Evan. On the way to Boardman.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Someone once told me
Someone once told me that I am worthy of being loved.
I never believed it. Ever. In my whole life.
I pretended that I did. I pretended to believe it. Even to myself.
I faked it real good too. I lied to myself. Saying it in my head every now and then.
" Denise you are worthy of being loved, you are loveable."
I realized not too terribly long ago the great deception.
It was heart breaking. To realize fully that I always thought I was not loveable. That there was something broken about me. That I was no good. That I was trash. I blamed those thoughts on Denny for a long time. Granted it didn't help that he said those things to me. Repeatedly. I didn't have to believe him. I needed to believe those who told me always that they loved me. That I am beautiful and worthy and wonderful. I needed to believe those who told me there was nothing wrong with me. I needed to believe in my own mantra. It took a very long time to get to the point I am at today. I still tell myself EVERDAY that I am awesome. I have to.
I know I lied to myself before by looking back and seeing what my life was like. By absorbing and analyzing the painful past. I wouldn't change a damn thing, do not get me wrong. I am who I am because of everything that happend and the part I played.
I choose the wrong man to marry. TWICE . OUCH. I let myself get VERY over weight. I went into a severe depression that just about killed me. More then once by my own hand.
Yes I was suicidal. I still struggle with depression. I struggle with many ailments. But that is not what this is about. This is about self love. And the realization that I AM WORTHY. I AM LOVEABLE. I had to go down a lot of hard roads not loving myself to figure out that I am worth the bother. I realize that if I don't trully love myself I cannot trully love another. I used to say that was bullshit. You can still love your children trully and completely without loveing yourself. Mmmm was I wrong. How could I take care of anyone if I couldn't even take care of me. How could I love anyone if I didn't know how to give love to myself?? I am not saying that I didn't love my kids. God THAT is soooo not what I am saying. My children are my heartbeat. They are every breath I take. But I am my heart. And I am my lungs. I love me. There for I love them more trully, more deeply, more completely then ever before. Its an amazing thing. Giving to oneself. I am in awe of people who have always loved themselves and have never known any other feeling. It just floors me. To know that so many other people were and are walking around feeling this great, this fabulous, this wonderful. About themselves. WOW.
Today I can honestly say I get to walk around feeling that and thinking that. And KNOWING that.
I am loveable. I am worthy of love. Loving me is new. But like any relationship it takes time and lots of water and sunlight and hard work to really take root deep. That is what I am working on now. I am building myself a garden of love. Just for me. That way I can share my truest love with the people I call family and friends.
I never believed it. Ever. In my whole life.
I pretended that I did. I pretended to believe it. Even to myself.
I faked it real good too. I lied to myself. Saying it in my head every now and then.
" Denise you are worthy of being loved, you are loveable."
I realized not too terribly long ago the great deception.
It was heart breaking. To realize fully that I always thought I was not loveable. That there was something broken about me. That I was no good. That I was trash. I blamed those thoughts on Denny for a long time. Granted it didn't help that he said those things to me. Repeatedly. I didn't have to believe him. I needed to believe those who told me always that they loved me. That I am beautiful and worthy and wonderful. I needed to believe those who told me there was nothing wrong with me. I needed to believe in my own mantra. It took a very long time to get to the point I am at today. I still tell myself EVERDAY that I am awesome. I have to.
I know I lied to myself before by looking back and seeing what my life was like. By absorbing and analyzing the painful past. I wouldn't change a damn thing, do not get me wrong. I am who I am because of everything that happend and the part I played.
I choose the wrong man to marry. TWICE . OUCH. I let myself get VERY over weight. I went into a severe depression that just about killed me. More then once by my own hand.
Yes I was suicidal. I still struggle with depression. I struggle with many ailments. But that is not what this is about. This is about self love. And the realization that I AM WORTHY. I AM LOVEABLE. I had to go down a lot of hard roads not loving myself to figure out that I am worth the bother. I realize that if I don't trully love myself I cannot trully love another. I used to say that was bullshit. You can still love your children trully and completely without loveing yourself. Mmmm was I wrong. How could I take care of anyone if I couldn't even take care of me. How could I love anyone if I didn't know how to give love to myself?? I am not saying that I didn't love my kids. God THAT is soooo not what I am saying. My children are my heartbeat. They are every breath I take. But I am my heart. And I am my lungs. I love me. There for I love them more trully, more deeply, more completely then ever before. Its an amazing thing. Giving to oneself. I am in awe of people who have always loved themselves and have never known any other feeling. It just floors me. To know that so many other people were and are walking around feeling this great, this fabulous, this wonderful. About themselves. WOW.
Today I can honestly say I get to walk around feeling that and thinking that. And KNOWING that.
I am loveable. I am worthy of love. Loving me is new. But like any relationship it takes time and lots of water and sunlight and hard work to really take root deep. That is what I am working on now. I am building myself a garden of love. Just for me. That way I can share my truest love with the people I call family and friends.
Friday, May 22, 2009
THis last week or so
Has not been a fun one. I have been in and out of the Doctors office and then into the hospital.
Blood tests, ekg's, and Catscans of my chest. All saying that my heart is fine and my lungs are clear, so thats all good.....okay so why does it hurt so bad and why can a hardly breathe?
He finally prescribed ativan on top of the medication to help get the water retention down. And aspirin just in case. And I should take it everyday. And next week I have to have a stress test.
Yay. The ativan isn't really doing jack shit but making me tired. I already had that problem. Now I have had the hiccups all day. A strange side effect I get from Ativan. My chest still hurts and its still feels hard to breathe. Especially when I lay down or do anything remoteley strenuous.
I am only 38 for gods sake! And I am already scaring my doctor about my heart and possible blood clots in my lungs. Okay I know I am fat. But damn. I just want to know what the hell is going on. I am worried now. And my moo doesn't help with the way she talks about the heart problems that run in the family. Everything is just peachy. Blood pressure, pulse, ekg's stress tests.. right up to the minute of heart attack. And then its always fatal! Ya. Thats what I want.
My mother didn't know she needed a five way bypass until she insisted on an angiogram.
The doctors thought she was being rediculous. Ya, they weren't laughing so much when they discovered five major blockages. Her cousin went to a heart specialist the day before he died of an exploding heart. Guess what. All his everythings were just fine and he was the picture of health. In my family tree more branches have dropped off because of bad hearts then for any other reason. I DO NOT want to be one of those branches dammit. I am scared.
Blood tests, ekg's, and Catscans of my chest. All saying that my heart is fine and my lungs are clear, so thats all good.....okay so why does it hurt so bad and why can a hardly breathe?
He finally prescribed ativan on top of the medication to help get the water retention down. And aspirin just in case. And I should take it everyday. And next week I have to have a stress test.
Yay. The ativan isn't really doing jack shit but making me tired. I already had that problem. Now I have had the hiccups all day. A strange side effect I get from Ativan. My chest still hurts and its still feels hard to breathe. Especially when I lay down or do anything remoteley strenuous.
I am only 38 for gods sake! And I am already scaring my doctor about my heart and possible blood clots in my lungs. Okay I know I am fat. But damn. I just want to know what the hell is going on. I am worried now. And my moo doesn't help with the way she talks about the heart problems that run in the family. Everything is just peachy. Blood pressure, pulse, ekg's stress tests.. right up to the minute of heart attack. And then its always fatal! Ya. Thats what I want.
My mother didn't know she needed a five way bypass until she insisted on an angiogram.
The doctors thought she was being rediculous. Ya, they weren't laughing so much when they discovered five major blockages. Her cousin went to a heart specialist the day before he died of an exploding heart. Guess what. All his everythings were just fine and he was the picture of health. In my family tree more branches have dropped off because of bad hearts then for any other reason. I DO NOT want to be one of those branches dammit. I am scared.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Mothers day weekend
Well it was a busy week last week. And the week before I was so sick I could barely get out of my bed. I still have the cough and god my chest hurts!
My sister T and her hubby were having some marital issues and I got to be the lucky person in the middle. Dave has been my friend for 25 years and Tannis is my sister. She needed to talk to me and so did he. It was very hard not to get in the middle or do the he said she said bullshit.
I would catch myself about to and then I would stop. I wanted to be there for both of them but in the end it was all tearing me apart so I told them both I didn't want to talk to either one of them about their marriage. Call me and talk to me about all the other stuff going on. Just not that.
They both agreed and apologized. I didn't need that. I just needed to not be involved anymore.
So now they are keeping to themselves and I am good with that!
Went to their house on Friday and watched my neice so they could go out.
Saturday Grant and Katie came and picked me up and I spent the night in Anacortes. God I miss it there. I love Anacortes so much. But I really love Arlington and I am still loving living with Tracy and her family. Sunday had a great mothers day at Mike and Janets, we had prime rib and shrimp and all kinds of other nummi stuff for lunch. Came home Sunday evening and just chilled for the rest of Sunday. It was a very nice very relaxing weekend. I did how ever smoke a few cigarettes which eck. I don't even know what made me do it. Cuz eww. I am just fine not smoking here at home. But at Grant and Katies its like the thing to do and it was very hard to not do it. SO I caved and now I am feeling the effects and its Thursday!
NOT WORTH IT!!!!
Never again and I don't think it should count against my not smoking time.
So its been a month a week and a day. Its been difficult but I think I am doing good!
My sister T and her hubby were having some marital issues and I got to be the lucky person in the middle. Dave has been my friend for 25 years and Tannis is my sister. She needed to talk to me and so did he. It was very hard not to get in the middle or do the he said she said bullshit.
I would catch myself about to and then I would stop. I wanted to be there for both of them but in the end it was all tearing me apart so I told them both I didn't want to talk to either one of them about their marriage. Call me and talk to me about all the other stuff going on. Just not that.
They both agreed and apologized. I didn't need that. I just needed to not be involved anymore.
So now they are keeping to themselves and I am good with that!
Went to their house on Friday and watched my neice so they could go out.
Saturday Grant and Katie came and picked me up and I spent the night in Anacortes. God I miss it there. I love Anacortes so much. But I really love Arlington and I am still loving living with Tracy and her family. Sunday had a great mothers day at Mike and Janets, we had prime rib and shrimp and all kinds of other nummi stuff for lunch. Came home Sunday evening and just chilled for the rest of Sunday. It was a very nice very relaxing weekend. I did how ever smoke a few cigarettes which eck. I don't even know what made me do it. Cuz eww. I am just fine not smoking here at home. But at Grant and Katies its like the thing to do and it was very hard to not do it. SO I caved and now I am feeling the effects and its Thursday!
NOT WORTH IT!!!!
Never again and I don't think it should count against my not smoking time.
So its been a month a week and a day. Its been difficult but I think I am doing good!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I haven't really written in a while
Or everything I have written is depressing.
Things are going very well here at Tracy's. We had a bbq this weekend. Some of her friends and some of her family came, and my sister Tannis and her husband Dave came with my neice meme and her best friend.
Showed the kids the horses and meme was about mad in love with them!
We had good food and great fun. Had a bonfire, Tracy and Patrick and their friends stayed up til 4 am around the bonfire!! I turned into a pumpkin at midnight shortly after Dave and Tannis left.
Sunday we all just sat around with our lazy bones stuck to various pieces of furniture.
Monday it was back to the grindstone for everyone. I got the kids off to school and then CLEANED. It took me the better part of the day just to clean the kitchen and do two loads of laundy then I finished cleaning up the yard. Found an unopened soda so that was a great score!
Tracy told me the other day that I am like the wife she never knew she wanted. How funny is that!
Her daddy's doggie Snickers is only going to be around for a little bit longer, Tracy wants to give him to her sister. Which is great for the sister but sucks for me. I am totally besotted by that tiny little dog.
I will have to post a picture of him, I only have like a hundred.
Been spending a lot of my time reading and writing poetry. No not ready to share it yet.
I have been seriously considering writing a book. I know I know. I just need to do it for once and for all. I just don't think I am skilled enough to do that. I need to take a writing course.
I know I know. Excuses excuses. I just need to shut up and write.
Going to a party on Saturday. One of my very good school friends is having this get together for a couple of reasons. It should be fun to see everyone again, it's only been 20 years!!
Things are going very well here at Tracy's. We had a bbq this weekend. Some of her friends and some of her family came, and my sister Tannis and her husband Dave came with my neice meme and her best friend.
Showed the kids the horses and meme was about mad in love with them!
We had good food and great fun. Had a bonfire, Tracy and Patrick and their friends stayed up til 4 am around the bonfire!! I turned into a pumpkin at midnight shortly after Dave and Tannis left.
Sunday we all just sat around with our lazy bones stuck to various pieces of furniture.
Monday it was back to the grindstone for everyone. I got the kids off to school and then CLEANED. It took me the better part of the day just to clean the kitchen and do two loads of laundy then I finished cleaning up the yard. Found an unopened soda so that was a great score!
Tracy told me the other day that I am like the wife she never knew she wanted. How funny is that!
Her daddy's doggie Snickers is only going to be around for a little bit longer, Tracy wants to give him to her sister. Which is great for the sister but sucks for me. I am totally besotted by that tiny little dog.
I will have to post a picture of him, I only have like a hundred.
Been spending a lot of my time reading and writing poetry. No not ready to share it yet.
I have been seriously considering writing a book. I know I know. I just need to do it for once and for all. I just don't think I am skilled enough to do that. I need to take a writing course.
I know I know. Excuses excuses. I just need to shut up and write.
Going to a party on Saturday. One of my very good school friends is having this get together for a couple of reasons. It should be fun to see everyone again, it's only been 20 years!!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The three day breast cancer 60 mile walk
I have a friend whos girlfriend is doing the walk.. she is dedicated to doing this.
If you are interested in donating to the cause here is the link
www.the3day.org/goto/angiekildare
any help is appreciated..
ThankYou
If you are interested in donating to the cause here is the link
www.the3day.org/goto/angiekildare
any help is appreciated..
ThankYou
Friday, March 27, 2009
ohhh my life!! lol
One of these days I will put down roots somewhere. Just not yet apparently. I have moved twice in the last two weeks. First to Longview, and no back up to my old stompin grounds in Arlington,.....sheesh. I must like it or something.
Well okay not so much but shit happens and life goes on and if I can't roll with the punches I will just got knocked out. So I roll baby.
I know most people think that my life is a rollercoaster. I happen to like it. I don't neccasarily like moving around a lot. But then again there is something to be said for a change of scenary. I just get that change more often then most. ( did I spell that right. Scene, scenic, scenery??)
Hmm.
Well anyway I am now living with a friend that I have had since first grade. Her name is Tracy.
I am kinda being a live in Nanny and housekeeper for her. Its part of my rent. And I pay some cash too. But I get to drive her vehicles and have a cell phone to use so thats cool.
I like this situation better then the one in Longview but seriously miss Katie and Grant and the kids. I want to see the baby!
Oh did I forget to mention there are horses here!!!
Gotta love that. Anyone with a horse is a friend of mine!
Well okay not so much but shit happens and life goes on and if I can't roll with the punches I will just got knocked out. So I roll baby.
I know most people think that my life is a rollercoaster. I happen to like it. I don't neccasarily like moving around a lot. But then again there is something to be said for a change of scenary. I just get that change more often then most. ( did I spell that right. Scene, scenic, scenery??)
Hmm.
Well anyway I am now living with a friend that I have had since first grade. Her name is Tracy.
I am kinda being a live in Nanny and housekeeper for her. Its part of my rent. And I pay some cash too. But I get to drive her vehicles and have a cell phone to use so thats cool.
I like this situation better then the one in Longview but seriously miss Katie and Grant and the kids. I want to see the baby!
Oh did I forget to mention there are horses here!!!
Gotta love that. Anyone with a horse is a friend of mine!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
more updates
Well on my birthday I moved down to Longview again. Katie wanted more rent, so I called my moo and found a place to stay down here for less then I was paying up there. Told G and K I was moving out and they said that was cool and they had decided that since I was leaving they weren't going to get another roommate. Huh? They wanted more rent. ?
I don't get it. You want me to give you more money because you are having problems with paying your personal bills. So I move out so you can get another roommate that could pay more. And now you decide you can do it all on your own. I am confused. Am I missing something here?
Oh well. It will be good for them to be on there own. They need to just be a family. The baby is getting to where she can sleep in her own room , Kayla wants to share but Kate doesn't want her to have to because she is 8 going on 40 and wouldn't do well sharing her room with an infant.
They K tells me she is going to miss me and doesn't want me to leave. I really do not get it.
Does anyone else??
I don't get it. You want me to give you more money because you are having problems with paying your personal bills. So I move out so you can get another roommate that could pay more. And now you decide you can do it all on your own. I am confused. Am I missing something here?
Oh well. It will be good for them to be on there own. They need to just be a family. The baby is getting to where she can sleep in her own room , Kayla wants to share but Kate doesn't want her to have to because she is 8 going on 40 and wouldn't do well sharing her room with an infant.
They K tells me she is going to miss me and doesn't want me to leave. I really do not get it.
Does anyone else??
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Updates
Okay well dad is doing pretty good he is just has a few loose wires now. Well a few more then before anyway, I tried to call but got no answer. I left a message and go no return call. They hate me. All is good and right in the world again!!
Thank You cowboy Joe and Deni. I miss you both so much. Thank you for stopping by the ol blog here and letting me know you care. I love you both. I just want you to know that. I will be coming by to see whats up with ya all!!
As for the rest of things.
G and K want more rent money. Which I obviously understand. I just can't afford to give them more then the 200.00 and food I give them. I also buy household stuff. But I know how it is when it comes to bills. They are all so high because its winter time. And that 200.00 I give them just doesn't go very far. Especially since Katie has been out of work due to being preggers then due to having baby. Oh she is soooo totally adorable btw. Shaelyn Marie Hurd. Born December 17th 2008. So cute and such a stinker!! Daddy calls her munchichie so when I saw when at safeway I told mom and she got her one for Valentines day/ Daddy was shocked as I was that they are still being made.
Anyway. I have no ill feeling towards G and K. I know how hard it is. And with the economy the way it is..well/
I am going to see what I can do about moving out. That was no problems arise and they can find a roommate who can afford to give them more money.
I was going to go on the road with Derek. But he informed me that he is not going to be driving anymore. They pissed him off real good this time and he's d0ne. He does have good reason I gotta give him that. I just can't go blabbing about it.
The gentelman I was going to go to Soap Lake to take care of passed away on the 25th of January. Bill Cotton you will be missed!!
Thank You cowboy Joe and Deni. I miss you both so much. Thank you for stopping by the ol blog here and letting me know you care. I love you both. I just want you to know that. I will be coming by to see whats up with ya all!!
As for the rest of things.
G and K want more rent money. Which I obviously understand. I just can't afford to give them more then the 200.00 and food I give them. I also buy household stuff. But I know how it is when it comes to bills. They are all so high because its winter time. And that 200.00 I give them just doesn't go very far. Especially since Katie has been out of work due to being preggers then due to having baby. Oh she is soooo totally adorable btw. Shaelyn Marie Hurd. Born December 17th 2008. So cute and such a stinker!! Daddy calls her munchichie so when I saw when at safeway I told mom and she got her one for Valentines day/ Daddy was shocked as I was that they are still being made.
Anyway. I have no ill feeling towards G and K. I know how hard it is. And with the economy the way it is..well/
I am going to see what I can do about moving out. That was no problems arise and they can find a roommate who can afford to give them more money.
I was going to go on the road with Derek. But he informed me that he is not going to be driving anymore. They pissed him off real good this time and he's d0ne. He does have good reason I gotta give him that. I just can't go blabbing about it.
The gentelman I was going to go to Soap Lake to take care of passed away on the 25th of January. Bill Cotton you will be missed!!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Dear dad 2
THANK GOD!!!
You are awake and talking. Vicki said you seemed to recognize her!!
This is awesome!! I can't wait to hear you call me an asshole again!!!
I am so glad that you are back. Obviously I am not there and I don't know exactly how much you are back. But if you can recognize Vicki and tell nurses to stop it when they are pinching you then I have faith that you will recognize me and tell me how much you hate me. I honestly can't wait and will know something is wrong if you don't. I am actually hoping for the asshole comment. I want you to be whole and as healthy as you can be in your saltycantankerousness!!!!
I LOVE YOU DAD! HEAL SMOOTHLY AND QUICKLY!!!!!
You are awake and talking. Vicki said you seemed to recognize her!!
This is awesome!! I can't wait to hear you call me an asshole again!!!
I am so glad that you are back. Obviously I am not there and I don't know exactly how much you are back. But if you can recognize Vicki and tell nurses to stop it when they are pinching you then I have faith that you will recognize me and tell me how much you hate me. I honestly can't wait and will know something is wrong if you don't. I am actually hoping for the asshole comment. I want you to be whole and as healthy as you can be in your saltycantankerousness!!!!
I LOVE YOU DAD! HEAL SMOOTHLY AND QUICKLY!!!!!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Dear dad
Its amazing the memories that are going through my mind all day. Not knowing what is going on with the surgery they are performing on your brain. Its scary you know. Finding out that you made it through surgery doing well and moving your body. We play the waiting game now to see what kind of speech and understanding you will have.
Maybe you will be the lucky one and forget all the hate you have for me. And I will be the lucky one to be welcomed back into your life.
I miss you. Even though you are so close. Never getting to talk to you and knowing how old and rickety you are now. Major stroke aside.
The only words that keep ringing in my brain all day have been in my small little girl voice.
"big ol man ol daddy!"
I love you so much Dad. I know you hate me. I don't care. I love you.
I am worried and stressed out about your quality of life now and if mom will be able to handle it.
I know I can help her take care of you. But will either of you allow me to do that. Even though it will take a large burden off her shoulders. Does the hate run that deep?
I hope that this is all just doom and gloom on my part. I know you are both of an age where these things start happening. Hell its my chosen line of work, work I love.
But that none the less did not prepare me for the phone call from Vicki today.
I have crixed off and on all day. As has Amanda. I haven't been able to get in touch with Jason and the girls yet. I called Dan. He is worried too. Jen cried with me. Even though she is angry with you for how you treat me. She knows I love you and she loves you too. Thats what best friends do. My moo Donna called her mom and set up a prayer chain. My friend Wanda did the same.
I have asked for prayers from everyone I know. I want you to keep going. I want you to be the same Dennis Barclay you have always been. Unrealistic I know. Fantasy it may be. But prayers can do amazing things. Maybe not because their is an actual god. Maybe just because so many people are putting it out into the universe that it can't help but come true.
Miracles.
You aren't awake yet. I know. But I pray when you wake up you say something very Denny and then everyone will sigh and say ." yup it worked!"
I wish we could fix things between us. I wish their was time. I pray for time. Please don't let this be the end. Please don't go away. Not yet. I love you so much.
I need my daddy still.
Not that I need something from you. I just need you. Smart ass asshattery and all.
I need to see you breathing and talking smack.
I need to see that you can still look at mom the same way with mischievious twinkle in your eye that says nothing but how much you love her.
I need to hear you call Vicki rat kid again.
I want to hear you laugh at something I said. I want to hear you call me an asswhole and a piece of shit again. Thats you.
Thats what I want. Your wholeness.
We can fix the whole asshole piece of shit issue later. As long as you can understand that I love you and that I need my daddy we are all good.
I love you.
Please please please be a miracle my big ol man ol daddy..PLEASE
Maybe you will be the lucky one and forget all the hate you have for me. And I will be the lucky one to be welcomed back into your life.
I miss you. Even though you are so close. Never getting to talk to you and knowing how old and rickety you are now. Major stroke aside.
The only words that keep ringing in my brain all day have been in my small little girl voice.
"big ol man ol daddy!"
I love you so much Dad. I know you hate me. I don't care. I love you.
I am worried and stressed out about your quality of life now and if mom will be able to handle it.
I know I can help her take care of you. But will either of you allow me to do that. Even though it will take a large burden off her shoulders. Does the hate run that deep?
I hope that this is all just doom and gloom on my part. I know you are both of an age where these things start happening. Hell its my chosen line of work, work I love.
But that none the less did not prepare me for the phone call from Vicki today.
I have crixed off and on all day. As has Amanda. I haven't been able to get in touch with Jason and the girls yet. I called Dan. He is worried too. Jen cried with me. Even though she is angry with you for how you treat me. She knows I love you and she loves you too. Thats what best friends do. My moo Donna called her mom and set up a prayer chain. My friend Wanda did the same.
I have asked for prayers from everyone I know. I want you to keep going. I want you to be the same Dennis Barclay you have always been. Unrealistic I know. Fantasy it may be. But prayers can do amazing things. Maybe not because their is an actual god. Maybe just because so many people are putting it out into the universe that it can't help but come true.
Miracles.
You aren't awake yet. I know. But I pray when you wake up you say something very Denny and then everyone will sigh and say ." yup it worked!"
I wish we could fix things between us. I wish their was time. I pray for time. Please don't let this be the end. Please don't go away. Not yet. I love you so much.
I need my daddy still.
Not that I need something from you. I just need you. Smart ass asshattery and all.
I need to see you breathing and talking smack.
I need to see that you can still look at mom the same way with mischievious twinkle in your eye that says nothing but how much you love her.
I need to hear you call Vicki rat kid again.
I want to hear you laugh at something I said. I want to hear you call me an asswhole and a piece of shit again. Thats you.
Thats what I want. Your wholeness.
We can fix the whole asshole piece of shit issue later. As long as you can understand that I love you and that I need my daddy we are all good.
I love you.
Please please please be a miracle my big ol man ol daddy..PLEASE
Changes
Soap Lake has become a bottom priority. My dad had a major stroke last night. They are in Arizona. My sister is on her way down there right now. Dad is in surgery right now to remove a blood clot from his brain. Its pushing on the speech and understanding part of his brain. The surgery is not life threating. He should make it okay. As for his speech after words. There is a fifty fifty chance he will get it back. Please pray for my dad. It can't be too late. It just can't.
I love you dad.
I love you dad.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Soap Lake
Well I am headed off to Soap Lake tomarrow. My spiritual mom needs my help. Her husband has cancer , lungs, hips, shoulders...he is now suffering some demetia episodes and he has been taken to a nursing home. She doesn't know if medicare will pay for more then the one week they have paid for. He may need to be moved back home and she needs my help. I am more then happy to do this. I just want to be there for her. This is a very difficult time for those who don't cross over. She said she thinks he will pass soon. I believe her just based on what she told me of the situation. I can't lift him or anything like that. But I can help greatly with the dementia situation as I know what I am doing. I hate that he is going through this. More I hate that Vicki is going through this. He is in lala land for the most part. Which is good. His pain is being managed with some heavy drugs and that contributes to the dementia also. I know there is nothing I can do to cure him. I wish there was. But I can be there for her. And be there for him to make sure he is as comfortable as possible, entertained, and safe. I can help her with cleaning and taking care of her dog so she can spend more time with him. Bill. You are loved.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
log
Sitting here at my sisters house I have a lot of time to think.
This morning I woke up wondering what I would want my girls to know if something happend to me. What if any? Important tidbits can I give them to make life easier, or funner?
What would I want them to know from me and not from some other chick?
Well there is the obvious. I want them to know how much I love them. They already know this.
I want them to know that I care more about them then myself. That their wellbeing comes before mine. This I think they know....
But there are other things mothers tell and teach their daughters.
How to be strong and independant and never rely on anyone. ANYONE but yourself.
How to cook and clean and sew and wash clothes and pay bills.
How to do all of that and work and take care of kids and look great doing it.
Unfortunatley I don't think my kids saw too much of that. Looking great thing.
This is what I hope I showed them. This is what I hope they know. This is what I would want them to read if something happend to me.
1) Never ever let a man be in control of your life ( or anyone else for that matter)
You are a strong woman. You are also intelligent, if you really love him and he wants to be in control. Just let him " believe" he is and let it go. You'll figure this out for sure. Because almost ALL men want to be in control. Sheesh. What would the world come to.
2) You are a woman, that means that you will wear 250 million different hats. Because you will need to know how to do everything. Everything means. Well everything.
So learn everything you can and pay attention because someday you WILL need to do it.
3) Do NOT doubt yourself. You are STRONG you are WISE you are AWESOME
4) The only people that can hurt you are the ones you allow to do.
5) Sing and Dance in the rain
6) Travel, when you want how you want with who you want, and do not be afraid to embrace people and their cultures on your way through life let alone around the world.
7) LAUGH a lot
8) You really really really can do and get what ever you want. REALLY
9) I BELIEVE IN YOU
10) Some people will always be in your life, others will come and go, some will just blink right through.
11) Chocolate can cure a broken heart....but going out with friends works better.
12) Do NOT be afraid to try new things. Spread your wings my babies and FLY FLY FLY
13) If you let what others say about you get to you. The others win.
14) Some people are just plain asshats..don't let it get to you. its not you specifically that they are experiencing asshattery over. Its just their life sucks and they probably need someone to love them.
15) Some people need to be watched over. BE someones ANGEL
16)Being someones angel does NOT mean that you should let other people take advantage of you. Use your head at all times and not just your heart. Mostly though.....
17) ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR GUT.
18) DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE OR GET IN A CAR WITH ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN DRINKING...SAME WITH DRUGS
19) You do not need to speed. If you are late so be it. Its better to get to your destination in one piece then to never reach it at all.
20) People are full of advice. Take what you can use and leave the rest behind.
21) Mom is the wisest of all people ever and you should always listen to her or anything she ever said! Number twenty DOES NOT apply to mom!!
1
This morning I woke up wondering what I would want my girls to know if something happend to me. What if any? Important tidbits can I give them to make life easier, or funner?
What would I want them to know from me and not from some other chick?
Well there is the obvious. I want them to know how much I love them. They already know this.
I want them to know that I care more about them then myself. That their wellbeing comes before mine. This I think they know....
But there are other things mothers tell and teach their daughters.
How to be strong and independant and never rely on anyone. ANYONE but yourself.
How to cook and clean and sew and wash clothes and pay bills.
How to do all of that and work and take care of kids and look great doing it.
Unfortunatley I don't think my kids saw too much of that. Looking great thing.
This is what I hope I showed them. This is what I hope they know. This is what I would want them to read if something happend to me.
1) Never ever let a man be in control of your life ( or anyone else for that matter)
You are a strong woman. You are also intelligent, if you really love him and he wants to be in control. Just let him " believe" he is and let it go. You'll figure this out for sure. Because almost ALL men want to be in control. Sheesh. What would the world come to.
2) You are a woman, that means that you will wear 250 million different hats. Because you will need to know how to do everything. Everything means. Well everything.
So learn everything you can and pay attention because someday you WILL need to do it.
3) Do NOT doubt yourself. You are STRONG you are WISE you are AWESOME
4) The only people that can hurt you are the ones you allow to do.
5) Sing and Dance in the rain
6) Travel, when you want how you want with who you want, and do not be afraid to embrace people and their cultures on your way through life let alone around the world.
7) LAUGH a lot
8) You really really really can do and get what ever you want. REALLY
9) I BELIEVE IN YOU
10) Some people will always be in your life, others will come and go, some will just blink right through.
11) Chocolate can cure a broken heart....but going out with friends works better.
12) Do NOT be afraid to try new things. Spread your wings my babies and FLY FLY FLY
13) If you let what others say about you get to you. The others win.
14) Some people are just plain asshats..don't let it get to you. its not you specifically that they are experiencing asshattery over. Its just their life sucks and they probably need someone to love them.
15) Some people need to be watched over. BE someones ANGEL
16)Being someones angel does NOT mean that you should let other people take advantage of you. Use your head at all times and not just your heart. Mostly though.....
17) ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR GUT.
18) DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE OR GET IN A CAR WITH ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN DRINKING...SAME WITH DRUGS
19) You do not need to speed. If you are late so be it. Its better to get to your destination in one piece then to never reach it at all.
20) People are full of advice. Take what you can use and leave the rest behind.
21) Mom is the wisest of all people ever and you should always listen to her or anything she ever said! Number twenty DOES NOT apply to mom!!
1
Monday, November 24, 2008
Thinking
You know when I think about the past, and all the experiences that I have had. Good and bad.
I am surprised that I didn't actually die. There are things that I did when I was a teenager that I never should have done, and if my parents knew that I was doing them they would have died...of heart attacks. When I look back on swinging from a rope into a lake thick with dead trees, cows, and cars....shivers.
When I think about sneaking out at night and roaming around in the woods or down the hill to the freeway over pass and into town. Holy Jebus, do you know what COULD have HAPPEND!
Scary. Blink. Scary.
When I think about the places I rode my horse and the dangerous shit I did. I could just about dig a hole right now.
Now my oldest daughter is at that age of discovery. Not just of the world around her or how she sees it. But how she will actually navigate it. How she will handle the situations that come up. Life Lessons are about to hit hard. And there is nothing I can or really should do to make it easier. Or prevent them from taking place. Of course I pray that she doesn't get mortally wounded. Of course I wish that her heart would not get broken. Of course I hope that she learns.
I did, you did, they did, she will. She is smart, funny, talented, and wise beyond her years, and she has sooooooo much to learn. So much to see and do, touch and feel, hear, and speak. People to meet and places to go. She is off and running full out. It will be a few years before she learns to take it slower and really SEE.
It will be awhile before we can sit down and have a conversation about life.
Until then she just has to do it. I can't wait to hear her stories. I would like to say that I can wait to see her heart broken and see all the paths her life will take. But I can't say that. I don't want her to miss anything, if her heart is never broken and no one ever hurts her feelings or pisses her off she will miss out on something. It will mean she didn't care enough to have that.
Or that someone didn't care enough about her to make it happen.
That would suck. For lack of a better word. It would just plain suck. I want whats best for all my children. And shock, awe, shock, sometimes whats best. Is whats hard, or painful, or just a pain in the ass. I love you Pan. This is the get go of an aweful great adventure!
I am surprised that I didn't actually die. There are things that I did when I was a teenager that I never should have done, and if my parents knew that I was doing them they would have died...of heart attacks. When I look back on swinging from a rope into a lake thick with dead trees, cows, and cars....shivers.
When I think about sneaking out at night and roaming around in the woods or down the hill to the freeway over pass and into town. Holy Jebus, do you know what COULD have HAPPEND!
Scary. Blink. Scary.
When I think about the places I rode my horse and the dangerous shit I did. I could just about dig a hole right now.
Now my oldest daughter is at that age of discovery. Not just of the world around her or how she sees it. But how she will actually navigate it. How she will handle the situations that come up. Life Lessons are about to hit hard. And there is nothing I can or really should do to make it easier. Or prevent them from taking place. Of course I pray that she doesn't get mortally wounded. Of course I wish that her heart would not get broken. Of course I hope that she learns.
I did, you did, they did, she will. She is smart, funny, talented, and wise beyond her years, and she has sooooooo much to learn. So much to see and do, touch and feel, hear, and speak. People to meet and places to go. She is off and running full out. It will be a few years before she learns to take it slower and really SEE.
It will be awhile before we can sit down and have a conversation about life.
Until then she just has to do it. I can't wait to hear her stories. I would like to say that I can wait to see her heart broken and see all the paths her life will take. But I can't say that. I don't want her to miss anything, if her heart is never broken and no one ever hurts her feelings or pisses her off she will miss out on something. It will mean she didn't care enough to have that.
Or that someone didn't care enough about her to make it happen.
That would suck. For lack of a better word. It would just plain suck. I want whats best for all my children. And shock, awe, shock, sometimes whats best. Is whats hard, or painful, or just a pain in the ass. I love you Pan. This is the get go of an aweful great adventure!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
People that taught me something
1) Dottie Hylback: Taught me that love is unconditional and has no excuses.
2) Grandpa, Louis Vaughn Barclay: Taught me that a hug trully can heal. And how to tie a slip knot, gut a fish, train a dog, and to be me.
3) Uncle, Lowell Stauffer: Taught me to be real about my capabilities, I can if I know I can, and I should know that I CAN do anything I put my mind to.
4) Kay Kuhnle: It is possible to meet someone half way and walk away pleased. And to always protect your own ass.
5) Joann Kuhnle: Sometimes just being quiot while someone tells their story is the greatest gift you can give.
6) Shirley Emerson: How to have a green thumb and to be calm.
7) Lief Hylback & Roger Herring: How to dance, really trully dance, without fear, with freedom and light and grace and JOY.
8) My dad Dennis Barclay: How to punch a boy in the nose if he teased you, or kick him in the shin. How to have fun with my kids by being a fun dad, how to dig for clams, fish, crab, the names of everything I saw, and that racing him in Disney Land was the funnest part of being at Disney Land. And lets not forget how to spit and the appropriate time to give someone the finger.
9) My mom Joan Barclay: How to hate tuna casserole but love the person that tortured you with making it! How to be artistic and creative, how to clean a house, and how to laugh even in the scariest moments.
10) Veronica Lee Mitchell Scarr Boehm: Taught me that scary people are often the bestest of friends, the funniest of characters, and the most creative of souls.
11) Jennifer Jo Smith Moon: Taught me that sometimes the best people in your life often start out as what you think are weeds.
12) Katherine Lee Simmons Hurd: Taught me that saying whats on my mind is perfectly alright, and farting in public is hilarious. That sometimes screaming at the top of your lungs like a mad woman is the only course of action at the moment. And it feels FABULOUS!
13) Victoria Ann Barclay Dehnert: Sisters really are best friends even when they don't talk for ages and ever. That Barbie Dolls SUCK but chillin with your little sister doesn't, that even though someone comes running at you with scissors does not mean that they are not afraid of you. Any one who will dig up your cat that has been dead for three days without your prior knowledge so that you can say a proper goodbye is AWESOME.
14)Lymon Grant Hurd: serenity.
15) Amanda Victoria Davis: How to be a mom
17) Sierra Rachelle Yocom: How to be a better mom,patience
18) Lynndsey Nadine Yocom: How to be an even better mom, have more patience and to be creative about punishments fitting the crime.
19) My moo Donna Sterling: That wearing your mothers levi's is never easy but it is always a learning experience and that is awesome!
20)Tannis Marie Chamberlain: I am NOT always right, but I am NOT always wrong either and its okay.
21) Victor Larson: Taught me that I really can write and I really do know the answer to 6 x 8. And that it is easier to believe in yourself when others believe in you.
22) John Derek Clark: Best friends ever come in very strange packages indeed.
23) There is a conglomeration of others who have taught me invaluable lessons and for them I am just as grateful as I am to those named above.
My grandma Barclay taught me that not everything can be healed with homemade snickerdoodles but they sure are good, my Auntie Ann taught me that gods grace is avaible to everyone, my Aunt Babe taught me to not be afraid of water...I bet she doesn't even know that! My friend Tracy Joy Maxwell taught me how to be a good friend by continuing to be one even and especially when I wasn't. I learned so much more from Tracy but thats between us. There are teachers and strangers and preachers in the mix that have shown me, told me, taught me so much. Thank You! Each and every flower in my garden holds the name of someone out there who effected me in some way. Even small. Like my first grade teacher Mrs. Funston who understood that sometimes a kid just has a bad day and it doesn't mean the kid is bad. Like the lady who paid for my court document copies because she knew I needed them and I had no money. Like the people who have stopped on the side of the road when vehicles of mine have broken down and they offered their assistance. What awesomeness this world holds. What phenominal souls inhabit this earth. What amazing things their are to behold. To learn, To be.
I am trully blessed. I trully am.
2) Grandpa, Louis Vaughn Barclay: Taught me that a hug trully can heal. And how to tie a slip knot, gut a fish, train a dog, and to be me.
3) Uncle, Lowell Stauffer: Taught me to be real about my capabilities, I can if I know I can, and I should know that I CAN do anything I put my mind to.
4) Kay Kuhnle: It is possible to meet someone half way and walk away pleased. And to always protect your own ass.
5) Joann Kuhnle: Sometimes just being quiot while someone tells their story is the greatest gift you can give.
6) Shirley Emerson: How to have a green thumb and to be calm.
7) Lief Hylback & Roger Herring: How to dance, really trully dance, without fear, with freedom and light and grace and JOY.
8) My dad Dennis Barclay: How to punch a boy in the nose if he teased you, or kick him in the shin. How to have fun with my kids by being a fun dad, how to dig for clams, fish, crab, the names of everything I saw, and that racing him in Disney Land was the funnest part of being at Disney Land. And lets not forget how to spit and the appropriate time to give someone the finger.
9) My mom Joan Barclay: How to hate tuna casserole but love the person that tortured you with making it! How to be artistic and creative, how to clean a house, and how to laugh even in the scariest moments.
10) Veronica Lee Mitchell Scarr Boehm: Taught me that scary people are often the bestest of friends, the funniest of characters, and the most creative of souls.
11) Jennifer Jo Smith Moon: Taught me that sometimes the best people in your life often start out as what you think are weeds.
12) Katherine Lee Simmons Hurd: Taught me that saying whats on my mind is perfectly alright, and farting in public is hilarious. That sometimes screaming at the top of your lungs like a mad woman is the only course of action at the moment. And it feels FABULOUS!
13) Victoria Ann Barclay Dehnert: Sisters really are best friends even when they don't talk for ages and ever. That Barbie Dolls SUCK but chillin with your little sister doesn't, that even though someone comes running at you with scissors does not mean that they are not afraid of you. Any one who will dig up your cat that has been dead for three days without your prior knowledge so that you can say a proper goodbye is AWESOME.
14)Lymon Grant Hurd: serenity.
15) Amanda Victoria Davis: How to be a mom
17) Sierra Rachelle Yocom: How to be a better mom,patience
18) Lynndsey Nadine Yocom: How to be an even better mom, have more patience and to be creative about punishments fitting the crime.
19) My moo Donna Sterling: That wearing your mothers levi's is never easy but it is always a learning experience and that is awesome!
20)Tannis Marie Chamberlain: I am NOT always right, but I am NOT always wrong either and its okay.
21) Victor Larson: Taught me that I really can write and I really do know the answer to 6 x 8. And that it is easier to believe in yourself when others believe in you.
22) John Derek Clark: Best friends ever come in very strange packages indeed.
23) There is a conglomeration of others who have taught me invaluable lessons and for them I am just as grateful as I am to those named above.
My grandma Barclay taught me that not everything can be healed with homemade snickerdoodles but they sure are good, my Auntie Ann taught me that gods grace is avaible to everyone, my Aunt Babe taught me to not be afraid of water...I bet she doesn't even know that! My friend Tracy Joy Maxwell taught me how to be a good friend by continuing to be one even and especially when I wasn't. I learned so much more from Tracy but thats between us. There are teachers and strangers and preachers in the mix that have shown me, told me, taught me so much. Thank You! Each and every flower in my garden holds the name of someone out there who effected me in some way. Even small. Like my first grade teacher Mrs. Funston who understood that sometimes a kid just has a bad day and it doesn't mean the kid is bad. Like the lady who paid for my court document copies because she knew I needed them and I had no money. Like the people who have stopped on the side of the road when vehicles of mine have broken down and they offered their assistance. What awesomeness this world holds. What phenominal souls inhabit this earth. What amazing things their are to behold. To learn, To be.
I am trully blessed. I trully am.