Wednesday, April 20, 2005


I have discovered that I am a very JEALOUS BITCH!
Derek was here for the past two days. First night he and BIB pissed me off to the point where I wouldn't speak to either one of them.
Derek up and left after about an hour of trying to get me to talk to him.
Bib's and I went looking for him because that is just the way I am.
We couldn't find him and eventually gave up. The next day we had a lot of things to do so we went and did them. When we got back Derek showed up about an hour later. Bib's was at work so Derek and I talked, yelled, whatever and got some issues resolved. He promised to never leave like that again with out saying something first. And I promised that no matter how angry I get I will always talk to him even if I am yelling. I told him I just get so angry that I refuse to speak because I don't want to say anything that I might regret later. He said " Fuck it queen, say it anyway, everyone does that"
I said " allright then just remember you told me to do it!"
Everything was good until bib's got home, and for a bit after word. Then we got into a discussion about me and him, then we started to fight again, and it was a good long one too. We were all yelling and getting things OUT IN THE OPEN.
Bib's made it clear that NOTHING would ever happen between them and Derek said he couldn't promise anything like that because if something ever did happen he didn't want to be a liar. I told him that was fine whatever, just don't fucking plan on me going three thousand fucking god damn miles to get my heart crushed. Fuck THAT, if your gonna break my heart at least have the decency to do it where I have family and friends to comfort me. JERK!
Then I told him to take his fucking shirt off. ( this is a long standing joke with us that when men and women fight they should take off an item of clothing periodically) ( in preparation for make up sex)
Bib's didn't get it of course, she just looked at me funny like what the FUCK.
Derek laughed as he took of his outer shirt.
We toned it down a bit after that and got things settled.
Turns out that he deliberatley made me think something had happend and it never did. Which made bibs angry with Derek! HA HA mother fucker!!!!
He messed with the wrong girls trying to puff up his ego by making me jealous.
Men aren't very smart are they.
So anyway, He left at 3:30 this morning with hugs and kisses on the cheek and everything is peachy keen.
I don't know why I get so flustered when I think something is going on with him and Bibs. It doesn't bother me when he flirts like crazy with my other friends.
He is just my best friend. We aren't together. I am in love with him. And he pretty much admitted the same feelings, but he said that he would never want to hurt me and he is an ass to his ladies. Which is true. I have seen it. For some reason I just believe that he wouldn't be THAT big of an ass to me. She gave him reason after reason after reason to be the way he was with her. And i am a different person. Anyway, it will all come out in the wash. What ever is meant to be will find a way.I have a question for the men out there who read this blog, ladies feel free to answer to of course. All in put is welcome.
He said to me, that when things are handed to him on a silver platter he tends to run like a puppy. He wasn't clear though if he was directing that at me or not. Then he proceeded to make a point.
He came towards me and acted like he was gonna do something which I won't describe but which I wouldn't mind him doing.But not yet, and I shied away from him. He backed away and said see, you don't want it handed to you on a silver platter either. I am not sure how to take this.......

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