Monday, June 20, 2005

If You

If you are going to act one way, but say something else. please let me know ahead of time which I should believe, action, or word. As this changes with the tides.
If you are going to tell me that you could be feeling more then you are ready to admit, don't take it back, say it again, and take it back again. TWICE.
If you are going to make an ass of yourself with my online friends please let me know ahead of time so that I might warn them of what you think is a sense of humor.
If you are going to get angry with me for putting the truth in your face, please let me know ahead of time that you are not going to speak to me, or answer my texts and calls.
If you are going call me every five minutes when you are away from me for fifteen please let me know so I can put my life on hold.
If you are going to sit with me, instead of your family at your nephews graduation, don't get upset with me for what you thought was a dirty look when you checked out some chick. What were you doing sitting with me instead of your family you haven't seen in ages, and what are you doing watching my reactions to anything you do if you are not interested in me in return?
If you are going to tell me that I am jealous please be prepared to hear all the ways in which you show your jealousies. You know the ones that are felt as far away as EGYPT and AFRICA.
People I don't even really know, People you have no cause to talk to the way you did.
If you are going to try to make me jealous by pointing out girls on yahoo, please be prepared for me to flip you shit and make jokes. Please do not tell me that I am jealous and then start an entire conversation you claim you don't want to have.
If you think for one minute that I believe you when you tell me that you don't love me like that, and you have a huge grin on your face ,please, please just don't think that I will believe you. Its just easier that way.
If you are going to move back here because I am here and couldn't go to Mississippi, just know that I don't expect you to be with me.
I love you even though you are a pompous ass. I love you even though you believe that I don't.
You are my best friend , I cherish that you are a vivid, vital important person in my life.
I want you to be in my life, I really do, so don't take this wrong. I may want you in my life, I may love you to bits and pieces. But baby cakes, I don't NEED you . I spent 28 years of my life with out you in it. I can spend the rest of it without you too. I cannot take this anymore. Crying is not my friend, stress is not my friend. Lying to oneself is not my friend. I love you so much right now I hate you. I don't even want to talk to you right now. And yes, it IS because you are being an ass and not answering when I call. We made a rule. We don't do that to eachother. You have been breaking that rule all day. Don't like being faced with the truth head on. You should know better then to ask for it. I love you, I hate you, I love you, I hate you. I, fuckin, aee, love you and I hate myself for it.

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