Friday, June 17, 2005

Why I was angry

My mom called. She wanted to know if it was okay if she took Lynnie and Pan to this festival at the park here in town. I said " What about Sierra, don't you think she would like to go." My mom said." I can't handle Sierra." I said, well then her sister don't need to go." She said." Fine then I will just send them home and they won't get to go anywhere or have any fun." I said." fine send them home, we are going out to Horse Country to give carrots to horses and check it out to see if Pan wants to go up there this summer to work with them." She said "Well I didn't know you where doing anything with them, you never go anywhere, and the kids are sitting here moping, their bored." ( The kids have been out of school for all of two hours at this point, I hardly think that connotes being bored all summer.)
I said." Well I have plans today we are just waiting for Derek to get back and then we are leaving." Then she got onto me about not taking the kids to the carnival last night because I was waiting for Derek to get here. Well shame on me, I have manners. Someone should have raised me better then to wait around for expected company. Sheesh.
Anyway, then she started going into how it is just so unfair that I won't let her take Pan and Lynn to the cabin without Sierra.So I told her that she didn't have to see Sierra 's face when ever she goes to the store and takes Lynn, or Pan, or both ,and then doesn't even bother to bring anything back for Sierra, yet the other two got stuff because they went with her. I told her, you are not the one who has to sit here for two hours hugging Sierra, and drying her tears, and trying to convince her that she IS very loved. She said I was trying to take her on a guilt trip then started talking about how I am punishing the other two. She says ." So just let them all be punished, let them all suffer then, thats just great." I said." Do you hear yourself?" She said. " Yes I hear everything quite clearly."
About that time my friend Morgan stopped by and heard the conversation. He knows I don't have alot of money to go spend on the kids doing anything. After I got off the phone with my mom.Morgan handed me 80.00$ and told me to go get the kids dinner and spoil them. So I did. We went and had a great time and watched Derek's nephew Cody ( YAY CODY) graduate. (AWESOME) and then we went to KFC for dinner. We also made it to Horse Country where the kids had a ball meeting horses and feeding them carrots.Pan has decided that she definately wants to go up there and work with the horses this summer so that is way cool. I have so many great memories of that place from when I was a kid. About Amandas age. from 9 to 14 I went up there all year round and went through about 6 different horses. Was in 4 H and the whole bit. I learned so much more up there then horsemanship. Okay wow did I get off track.
My mom ticked me off and thats that. I am tired of her treating Sierra like she doesn't exist. I am tired of her being ignored, or yelled at. Even my moms friends tell me that they think its horrible. I told her that today. and she told me not to go there, that her friends say things about me too. I said well sure they do, until they hear my side.! Anyway. I know I am not a perfect mom, I know there are alot of things I can work on. I always thought that being a parent was the biggest lesson we have to learn in life. But it is different for each parent. Because each child is different. I need to do what I feel is right for my kids, my mom needed to do what she felt was right for me and my sister. You need to do what you feel is right for your children. I just wish that my mother would take a little time to get to know Sierra better. I know Sierra doesn't listen to my mom. I tend not to listen to people that I feel hate me too. I wouldn't want to pay attention to someone that always makes me feel bad. Their is so much more to this situation.. I can't write any more right now..................

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