Explanation please

Someone please tell me some things:
1) What is blogshare? Should I be concerned about it?
2)How do I find out how people come to this site from places like google? Like what are they looking for and wind up here?
3) How do I find out where they are from?
4)Should I be offended that blogshare knows everything about my blog? including who I have linked and who has me linked..just wondering.....
**** I did post something other then this, it is below this one:)

Little Stuff

Life has a funny way of letting you know you are only human.
I have been running around blogville today ( just as I do every other day)and I have found some pretty cool stuff, some pretty sad stuff, and some pretty funny stuff.The two saddest things I found were the death of someones friend, a mother and wife who will be missed. The other is that a friend of mine who is OLD(heh heh heh) and is fighting a TIMMY ( inoperable brain tumor) is going to take a vacation from blogging, something he really enjoys because some wise ass had to make a rude and uncalled for comment.THIS angers me greatly..The cool stuff I found was a great post by dl, all about her day at a lake, this post was beautiful and sooo vivid it made me cry.. the funny stuff I always find when I visit Ol hoss. That OLD man is hilarious.I would have provided links here in the post but, Um, heh, I don't know how. SO please visit my side bar and click on the links there for Tish, Trucker Bob, Dl, and Ol' Hoss.
I can tell you now you won't regret it.For one reason or another you will laugh, cry, or just get pissed. Its worth the ride though I tell you what.
Also consider taking a trip to visit my friend steelcowboy for some great insight. And a lady who loves mirrors, at looking glass houses for some funny funny tips on how to clean your linoleum spotless while having a great time!! Don't let your kids read it though!!!
I hope you all have a wonderful wonderful wonderful day...

TAGGED!!!By a crazy girl from JERZEE

This crazy chica tagged me with another meme!! Thats all right, I'm cut from the crazy cloth and actually like meme's:)
So it goes like this:
Ten years ago:
I was 24,
I had two of my beautiful girls already,
I was happy in love,
I was going to school,
I had a completely different idea of what my future was going to be.
Five years ago:
I was 29,
I was married,
I had all three girls by then,
I lived where I live now,
I was going to school again.
Yesterday:
I fell down went boom,
I ate corned beef and cabbage for dinner! (yummi),
I whispered someone's name and they called me,
I said goodbye to someone I have always known but never met before this weekend,
Almost killed myself with pain pills I am allergic to ( can anyone say SMOOOOOTHE).
Today:
I have listend to music and blogged,
I made dinner,
did laundry,
washed dishes,
hobbled around to do it all and almost slipped in the shower.
Tomarrow I am going to:
Go to the damn DOCTOR,
Run up a doctor bill I can't afford,
call v.o.a. to see if they will pay for prescriptions,
Find a way to get five dollars Canadian to Barbara for her cancer research thing she is doing,
Get the kids off to school and then meditate in the silence of the wake of the bus leaving.
Five snacks I like:
Fruit,
veggies,
Guacamole and corn chips ,
chocolate,
huckleberry pie ( l.y.Op~)
Five songs I know all the music to without the music:
The cannibal King ( campfire song),
Twinkle twinkle little star,
row row row your boat,
This is how you remind me ( nickelback),
Don't know why ( Norah Jones).
Five things I would do with 100 million smackaroos:
buy an island,
donate lots and lots to charity,
buy my own plane and a yacht to get to the island,
Hire five nannies for my three kids,
buy a new computer.
Five places I would love to run away to:
Fiji,
hawaii,
jamaica,
Disney Land,
Scotland.
Five bad habbits I have:
I can't stop having cyber sex ,
chocolate,
dreaming about Op~,
dreaming about Trucker Bob,
Dreaming about Derek,
( what can I say I have a thing for truckers, online maniacs, and chocolate) I had to replace smoking with something!!!!
Things I like doing:
Falling down,
blogging,
singing, especially in the rain,
collecting frogs,
yelling at my kids.
Things I would never wear:
Trench coat,
a tutu,
one of those hats with all the fruit,
anything WHITE,
coconut bra.
Shows I like:
M*A*S*H,
Simpsons,
Will and Grace,
Darhma and Greg,
House.
Movies I like:
Labrynth,
The Lion King,
Shrek Two,
Chronicles of Riddik,
Big Daddy.
Famous people I would like to meet:
Chad Kroeger,
Adam Sandler,
Steve Martin,
Cher,
Oprah Winfrey.
Biggest joys at the moment:
MY KIDS,
Flirting in Blogville,
Music,
writing,
Sight.

I am supposed to tag five folks with this, but I am not going to, I am going to see who does it on there own!!!! Feel free to borrow or steal it I don't mind at all:)

Healing

You are all so sweet, the comments left to me where so lovely. I am feeling a bit better today, I did actually sleep rather well for once. Pain does that to me, I sleep through it.
When I woke up this morning, I rolled over and then yelped cuz I hurt my leg when I rolled.
It seems that I have pulled the inner upper muscle in my thigh. Its not the groin muscle, thank god, ThAT is sOmE HurTinG there!! Anywho, many muscles in my back are SCREAMING at me. My arm hurts but not to bad.. Its just mostly my back, leg, and ankle. All though the ankle is barely swollen. I cannot go to the Doctor. I have zero health insurance and I don't have 15 dollars for an office visit, or money for ex rays, or anything like that, that the Dr. would surely want to do. What really bites is that I have no money for pain killers, I would dearly love some morphine right about now. No more codeine, I am regretting that today..the mild allergie I spoke of is now kicking my ass and I have no benadryl..Thats okay, I would rather be itchy and all that today then have the pain yesterday..
I will survive this too, I am one tough cookie , I don't let much get me down I tell ya what. Maybe a little blue, but not DOWN. I WILL NOT FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LMAO!!!! Okay so I WILL NOT STAY DOWN!!!!!!!!!!
************
I want to take some time to thank my neighbor for being in the services. He has been back from Iraq for about a month now, He has chosen to go back in six months, so that means he will be leaving in five. This man has a wife, and four children whom he leaves behind every time he goes. Not to mention all his other extended family. His wife works to keep herself occupied while he is gone. The older kids pitch in to help their mom. Being boys who want to go play in the creek after school, they are home, doing laundry and dishes and helping their little sister with home work, and changing their other little sisters diapers. The wifes mother comes to stay for a week here and there just to keep her daughter company and help in any way she can. While HE is off fighting in a war that in the end will benefit the world. Just you watch....
Mr. Neighbor, my heartfelt thanks and appreciation goes out to you and all your commrads today. To every man and woman who has ever died for our freedom, to every man and woman who fight for it now. For every service person who has been injured fighting for the rights of our country and the rights of others in the world. God bless you all each and every one.
************
Be safe out there ladies and gentleman, Its a glorious but dangerous world out there!!!!

For bravenet: mskajunkitty@yahoo.com

OWWWWIIIIEEEEEE

I am hurting so bad!!! I had to come home early, I couldn't go up and down the stairs anymore. I hurt myself very badly today, I fell from about five feet up and hurt my ankle and foot, my back, hips, keister, shoulder, and arm. my knee, I almost fell over the embankment. I thought I was gonna so I grabbed a tree root to save myself from that, thats what hurt my arm. Anyway, I walked it off a bit, then it began to hurt so badly that tears were just falling from my eyes with out permission....My ankle started to swell, I went to my bed and Sue brought me an ice pack, then my mom brought me some two twentie two's. Those have codeine in them which I am mildly allergic to. I didn't give a shit about that at that moment though, believe me. I just wanted the pain to stop. So I laid in my bed and cried for about an hour, not boohoo kinda cried, that leaky eye syndrome, rogue tears kinda cried. My mom kept checking on me, and Sheryl my cousins girlfriend. Then I had to use the rest room, that was an ordeal, Try asking a cat to stand on its head, that would be easier then me hobbling my fat injured ass to the bathroom. Ordeal accomplished I decided to lay on the couch instead of the bed, because the bed is very high, and I was beginning to feel the other hurts by this time. So my mom carried my blanket and pillow and ice pack to the couch for me, were I laid down and immediatley the tears began as soon as that ice pack touched my foot. Needless to say I took some more pain killers. After about a half n hour I was feeling pretty damn loopie. So I fell asleep for about a half n hour. When I woke up, my dog Daezee was laying on my hip and she wasn't letting any one near me!!! She is so protective of her mommy.I love that dog!
Well after I woke up I thought I would try sitting outside with everyone for awhile, my foot was feeling better etc etc. > Yeah I go to stand up and walk, I wanted to scream the pain was so horrible. I had to use the ladies again so I hobbled on over to the bathroom, again those bastard tears where flowing down my cheeks. I finally made it outside and visited for a bit, then we had dinner, and I had the kids pack up and my dad gave me a lift up the hill in his truck ,cuz there was no way, I could walk the ten feet up hill to my car. Drove an hour and fifteen minutes home and this is were I have sat for the last three hours. Eating ibuprofen, and wiping away those sneaky tears. I can't sleep so why bother trying, at least sitting here I have something to distract me!!!!!!!
Besides I don't know if I will be able to get out of bed tomarrow..I hope you all have a wonderful wonderful day!!!

Going to Whidbey!!!!!

I am off to go camping for the weekend.!! Well its not real camping, the cabin is there with all the ammenities of home. But it's not HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you tell that I am excited about getting the heck out of here for a few days???
Going to Anacortes first to visit friends for the night. Then saturday heading over to Whidbey to Greenbank area,, ah Saratoga Passage I can't wait to smell your salt air, I can't wait to taste the crab my dad will surely catch.Mmmmm clams on the half shell, fritters with lots of sweet onions.. oh my mouth is watering all ready!!!
I hope you all have a fantabulous weekend, I can't wait to come back and see what everyone was up too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!((((hugs))))) and (((((((smooches))))))

Powerful and Fast !!!!

Thank you to all who sent prayers my mommas way, she is going to be released tomarrow!!!!!
No Surgery required!!!!WHEW AND YAY!!!!!!!!! The surgeon did say that she should have surgery sometime within the next six months to get everything fixed, but it's not neccassary at the moment, and she wants to go to the cabin this weekend so by golly she ain't having no surgery just yet....Personally I would feel a heck of a lot better if she would just get things taken care of. Their are alot more weekends left to go to the damn cabin, but we are all going anyway...
When I got to her room she was in great spirits and feeling oh so much emptier...Her nurse was fabulous and so was the c.n.a.- As someone who has done that job for a LONNNNNGGGGG time, I was impressed with her to the nth power. So anyway, this was a very long winded thankyou wasn't it!?...I am just babbling again. Its become quite the habbit lately. I have all this energy that I don't know what to do with........
THANKYOU!!!!!!
And
THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Momergy

Momergy is my new word for mom related emergency.
My dad took my mom to the hospital at 4 this morning. She has a colostomy bag, which has been in place since she was 16. There have been problems with the damn thing causing her to back up or get obstructions, she has had infections internal and external. There is also a tremendous amount of scar tissue from having so many surgies, the scar tissue is now the issue and has caused an obstruction. Unfortunately this means that she will probably need to have surgery. This is very scary, especially to my mom as her last surgery five years ago almost became the death of her. After surgery she was recovering nicely when suddenly she was finding it very difficult to breathe. They caught the blood clot in time and she had to take medication for almost two years because of it. So now here she is in the hospital again and scared of facing that O.R. again. I am going to be going to the hospital here in a while to see her. There are many of you who read my blog who are of a religious and spiritual nature, can I ask you to please pray for my mom in whatever way your religion or spirtuality guides you. To please send postitive thoughts and energy her way. I love my mom. I am not ready for anything to happen to her, if it does, then I will know that God needed her home, I just don't want him to need her when I selfishly still do.....I love you mom, please get better..

Love for now, or Like for ever

What I mean is this,
In a relationship, the more important thing is to actually LIKE the person you are so head over heals for RIGHT NOW. Because in the future there are going to be arguments, dirty socks in weird places, nose picking, farting and snoring in bed, and little ticks and tocks that you think are so ADORABLE now, are REALLY going to piss you off down the road of life. Falling in love is a marvelous thing, new love makes our heads spin, we tend not to look into the future when we see someone we are attracted too. What will the relationship be like in 1 year, 5, or even 30 years. Can you look at the person you are with and imagine sitting next to them at the dinner table when they are old, with thick glasses, a cane and nose hair coming from the TOP of their nose. Can you imagine walking through life with this person, waking up to their face on the next pillow for the REST of your life.Think about it, when you are older, more settled and OTHER things matter more. Will you be able to TALK to the person you are so GAHGAH over, in this moment?Will you be able to even be in the same room with them???
I tell ya what. I would much rather be with someone that I could like for the long haul, then someone who I could only love for a time. I would rather stick with a cherished friend on one road, then have the adventure of many friends on many roads. I know others would prefer it the other way around. I am just saying that when I look into the future I want to be with someone that I can talk to and laugh with, someone who gets me, someone I get, someone who knows all my buttons and doesn't push the bad ones. Someone who loved me passionately and still likes me even though the passion faded, the friendship is enduring.yeah thats what I want in my forever.........

Cool little dealie.....

I found the link at dl's who found the link at Fizzy's and now I don't know what I did with the link, but they have it!!!!!
Its a googlies thing, you put your name in and it tells you all these things that you are. Well I put in thequeen, and you know it said google does not know enough about thequeen! HEH HEH...
So I put in my first name Denise, and this is just a few of the choicer things I got..
Denise is:
a juggler, well I do juggle kids, house work, cooking, cleaning, looking for work....
here,last I checked yup here I am...
a hell of a girl, darn tootin I am!!!!
on vacation,Oh I sooooo wish......
encouraging and energetic but not fake, and here all this time I thought I was made of plastic.
at the back right corner of the stage,who shot who in the what now??
nearly there,this could be bad, or this could be REALLY REALLY good......
CROWNED!!!,I would hope so! I am thequeen after all.
absolutely, absolutely positively
director of two new hours,It was just a fluke I swear! There is NO secret formula..heh heh heh
much prettier, you like it?
AT her best with beginners who need lots of affirmation,You will know you got it right when I scream " OH GODDDDDD"...
Silent,UM no NOT REALLY
arriving at her own "jail",I do believe we carry around our own prisons
safe,I carry bandaids where ever I go
thinking, what was that??
One of the worlds most sought after metaphysical speakers,I would like to think so...
a work in progress living out the plan of her destiny,aren't we all
a spirit to reckon with,again I say, aren't we all.

Sunstains on my wall

I sit here at my computer desk in such a way that I can watch the sunlight dance on the wall. You see its late evening, there is a large tree in the yard several feet from the house, there is a piano window ( small high window) in the west wall of the house. Across the west wall on the east wall there is a blank place. When ever I have been asked why I don't decorate that particular space, I tell folks, thats where my sunstains go. There is something so beautiful, so peaceful, so awe inspiring about that dancing light on my wall. It is different every night. Depending on if its winter or summer, on if its windy, breezy, or still. It occured to me the other day that God made that stain on my wall every evening. He created the sun and the earth, he created that tree, and the wind. He created man and man built this house, and that window that the suns light seeps through. God made this miracle of light and shadow, shade and outer light. God made this light shine through into my house, onto my wall, into my life, and onto my soul.
I may not always remember to walk with the lord, but by golly he never forgets to walk with me.

Tagged by a cowboy on a steel horse.......

Okay I got tagged, I gotta come up with ten things I have never done..
then I get to tag three more people....muuuuaaaahhhhhh........

1) Never shook hands with a president.
2) Never kissed the ring of the pope.
3) Never been to the moon.
4) Never ridden in a semi truck.
5) Never did marry the right man. YET.
6) Never been to the zoo naked.
7) Never been to a laser light show.
8) Never kissed a prince just a whole mess of toads.
9) Never kissed anybodies ass and I ain't never gonna....
10) Never danced in public.

Okay my evil inquiring mind wants to know what ten things, dl, joe cowboy, and Jerzee haven't done!!! I gotchya this time Jerz cuz last time I didn't:)
Thanks steelcowboy this was fun!!!

my forehead says WELCOME

Seriously I have a sign on my forehead that says WELCOME.
As in WIPE YOUR FEET HERE-----> REALLY, I DON'T MIND...
What is it with me?? I have no clue. I really don't . I guess I just like to get used.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind folks coming over to do their laundry, everybody needs to have clean clothes. But um EXCUSE ME, please don't use up my laundry soap and Downy and dryer sheets and then act pissy when I ask you to replace them...HELLOOOOOOOOOO
I mean come on. If I was to need to go to MY friends house to do laundry I would bring my own soap and stuff. And if for some reason I didn't I would make arrangements beforehand to replace what I used within a day or two. Thats all I am asking. Don't leave me, with out. Why should my children and I have dirty clothes, I am the one who owns the washer and dryer!!!!
**************
We are moving to Anecortes at the end of June. I don't want to stay in Marysville, I can get a great job in Anecortes with K and all that, and Amanda wouldn't have to go to school with kids that are gonna basically kick her ass every other day because of what she did. I think it would just be the best thing for my kids to get out of this area. Marysville has just gotten to be so "BIG," like its citified. I don't like that, I want the kids to grow up in a smaller community.
*************
I am freezing my ass off! I don't know why but lately I just CANNOT get warm.
I think it might be stress related or the fact that I just quit smoking and my body is trying to figure out what the hell is going on without the nicotine. Jaimie and Brandon came to do laundry today and they both smoke and it didn't even faze me to know they had cigs, to know they where smoking on the back porch.. Notta!!! I just really don't want to smoke ......
***********
I talked to K yesterday and she was bored, said she didn't have any friends so I told her to get a blog!!! She said she might but she doesn't know what she would say. I told her she always has lots to say, she just needs to type it out, which might actually save her ass since she loves to gossip, this way she could blog about it and no- one would know but me, and since I always know it woudn't matter.... She just laughed and said she would have to see what blogs are all about first.
*************
I want to lay down in my bed again and watch a movie. I have seen all my movies at least 50 times so I don't know which to watch for a 51st time. UG, sometimes I hate choices.
************
I want to say something intelligent and unforgetable, I just don't have it in me lately, even my comments on other blogs have been on the lame and stupid side. And I can't spell worth a crap either, I forget over half of what I want to say, or blog about. I feel "numb" and " flat"
Thats more then likely not a good sign. After everything that has happend recently I could totally understand why a depression would come over me. But I don't want that to happen. I am trying to avoid it. I don't think its working.....I don't know, I have to force myself to get out of bed, I have to push myself to get into the shower, I have to drag myself to the sink to wash the dishes. I want to stay in my bed all day and never leave it, I want to hide there away from life and all that is good and all that is terrible. If I cover my head with the blanket perhaps I can shut out the life around me........
*****************

GOD HELP ME PLEASE, AND DON"T FORGET TO BRING CHOCOLATE!

You are my sunshine my only sunshine!!!!!!

Zipa dee doo dah Zippety aeeeee. I am in a great mood, the sun is hiding and the clouds are out but I don't give a damn!!! I feel marvelous, have NO craving whatsoever at all. I am on top of the world today!!!! I had to run some virus scans and etc, and had to fix some issues, but they fixed!
So here I am back in the saddle again:)
I got laundry going, made lunch, cleaned the living room, and now I am posting and I am going to read everyones blogs I have to get caught up now...
I still need to give the dog a bath and do the dishes, but hey I might get inspired to write something more then what is just sprouting to my mind and spurting out my fingertips...ha hahahahahaaaaaa...
I am in one heck of a mood today.. Sally Mae people called me back and I told them I am not in a position to pay off my student loans all at once but I would be more then happy to make payment arrangements. I was told that they cannot accept payment arrangements unless I have this other part of their organization loan me the money to pay the loans. I would then owe collection fees and interest but my school loan would be paid. EXCUSE me??????
Does this make sense to anyone? IT sure doesn't make sense to me. And as far as I knew if I sent them a payment and they refused it, I would then have proof that I attempted to pay the debt, they refused the payment therefore where pretty much saying that I didn't owe the debt, therefore I wouldn't have to pay it, or they couldn't come after me for it or something like that...
I can't remember exactly. BUt anyway when I told the gal that I Didn't know what I was going to do, that I needed to talk to someone about it she said" well I will just put it here in my computer that you are refusing to pay the debt." I said." why are you saying that? I didn't refuse to pay the debt, I said I wanted more information, but I am not going to get that information from you or any of your affiliats." She then said" are you going to contact a lawyer?" I said " I was considering that but I am not sure." she said." well I am going to make a note here in the computer that you are refusing to pay the debt, and when those repurcussions hit then maybe you 'll reconsider."

By this point I am shaking my head.. whuuuu hhhuuuuhh??????
Again I repeated to her that I did not refuse to pay the student loans. I went to school, I borrowed money to do that, for the last three years my income taxes have been paying on those loans. Its not like I don't know that debt is there. Believe me I am fully aware of it.Being of the broke persuasion though there really isn't much I can do about it. My offer of payments has been refused. I can't do any better then that. Sorry I don't have over 4 thousand dollars to just whip out of my pocket.Hell even making payments would seriously crunch the already tight budget. This woman just could not comprehend why I am not willing to borrow from someone else to pay the bill. Why I am not willing to then owe more interest and fee and and and. I don't want to do that HELLOOOO poor over here!!!! So anyway I did end up yelling at her that she needed to pay attention and quit interuppting me when I am trying to talk or ask her a question. I got the feeling that she would stand to get a large commision if she got me to get the loan..hmmm. sorry toots. Anyway, after I got off the phone with her at 6:16 am. YES you saw that right. I got up and took a shower and started getting stuff done around here. I feel great!!!!!!!!! I hope the rest of you have had a wonderful day too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!going to find out right now..............

ITs been 26 hours

Okay its been 26 hours now, actually its been 26 hours and 43 minutes and 5,6, 7, 8,...seconds.
I am actually doing pretty good at the moment. I think its cuz the kids are asleep and I am just sitting here in the semi silence. The only sounds are the t.v. the whirrrr of the computer tower and the clackity clickety of the keys as I type. It shocked me this evening when I went back through what I had eaten today.. SOOOOO much candy, two platefuls of dinner, and an entire bag of terryaki beef jerky. ( god I love that stuff) I would still be eating candy if I had any. I had like 5 pieces of licorice and a half pound of peanut m&m's..... I am gonna get fatterrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I know it will just be a temporary thing. I have also drank like twenty gallons of water today.
I think the reason I ate two platefuls of dinner is because I could actually smell it.. and therefore taste it. I know that it is just gonna get better too, I am looking forward to that for sure.
Today has been crazy. At the end of the day I decided that I can do this, I know I will be a bit cranky and all that but in the end I will be healthier and my kids won't be breathing in poisons that I put in the air. Talk about child abuse sheesh!!!!!! I don't want my kids to have health problems because I was a dumbass for so long. I figure if I quit now there is a better chance for all of us to be healthier. I pray they don't have anything wrong with them now or when they get older for any reason at all. I feel this tightness in my chest when I think of how much I have endangered the kids up to this point. Yeah I quit for two years once, and seven months, and a few months here and there. And stupidly I went back to it for no reason at all other then I wanted to. GOD I am such an ass hat! Well no more! Never again will a cigarette touch my lips.
Never again will I inhale those noxious fumes. Never again will I exhale those same noxious fumes into the air which my children breathe. There is at this moment a sign on my front door that says NO SMOKING! And PLEASE REMOVE YOUR SHOES!
Lynnie wrote it, I should use her exact spelling.. let me get it...oh it says NO Smohkeng insidee ecept mommy, tacke off ur shoes ore my mommy and grammy will kik ur butt!!!!
THen there is a picture of the front door and a pile of shoes in front of it.. I am gonna have to ask her to make a new sign that says not even mommy can smoke in the house. Mommy cannot smoke at all, EVER again. I am almost ready to post about why this is so important to me now.
Just gotta wait til I can get through it without crying to much.
Pray for me and send me carrot sticks!!!!!!

CANDYYYYYYYYYYYY

I need candy, and I need it nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..........

COunTinG

Counting slowly down from 10000000000000...
Today is not the day to piss me off as the lady from Sally Mae learned....DO NOT YELL AT MEEEEE BITCH...You willll be sorry I gaurantee it. I don't take kindly to being yelled at on any day..
But when I haven't had a cigarette for 16 gad dang hours I tell ya what.. The world had better be walking on egg shells today. Today I would knock out budda if he looked at me wrong. I would tell god himself EXACTLY where he could go.. Thank goodness those two are forgiving huh. At any rate this stupid bitch decided to yell at me. I asked her three times why was she yelling at me.Everytime she said very rudely." I am not yelling at you DENISE" Hmm then why can I hear the gal next to you telling you not to yell at me??HMMMMMM bitch.. After she yelled at me the fourth time I let her have it.
I told her in no uncertain terms right where she could put her little consolidation loan and I let her know that she aught to work for the government because she was so good at lying, and then I let her know exactly what I thought of her stupid ass calling me and YELLING at me that I needed to do this or my taxes would be taken at the end of the year again.. oh yeah hurt me where I don't give a flying fuck why don't you.When you call my ass and try to get me to spend more money and go into debt with someone else and you yell at me about it none the less, just watch out for your job..I called Sally Mae.MMMM HHHMMM Dont mess with a Queen! Especially on her first day of being a non-smoker.

ARRRRGGGGGGG

I am totally chewing my nails off!!!! I haven't smoked for about an hour now and I am going crazy and getting cranky allready.I don't think I can make it. I am having doubts as to wether I should be even attempting this not smoking thing.I want that watm stanky smoke curling its nicotine filled way into my waiting lungs.I want to watch the yellow plume escape from betwixt my lips. I want to feel that mild ache as teh chemicals burn a path to my coffin. I want, I want, I want. to smell like a dirty ashtray. I want my clothes to reek, I want my teeth to be stained.All for the glory that resides in the nasty inhalation of smoke. Nicotine, sweet nicotine, where for art thou, nicotine.Please come back to me my dearest deadly friend.I yearn to suck the fumes from your papery cotton filled end. I miss the click of the the lighter as I set fire to the weed that is you.Ah the
scent of your charming choking aroma, the divinity of your wafting perfume.
GOD I WANT A CIGARETTE.........

Blahger

Again I don't really have much to say. Things are so QUIET right now. For that I am grateful believe me...
I have been job hunting even though I haven't been cleared to go back to work, just because I cannot make it on what labor and industries is giving me for compensation. I have discovered that this happens to alot of people and they then get reinjured. I can only hope to find a job that I can do without hurting myself again. I just know that I need more money.I won't be finding another place around this town that I can rent for 400.00 a month. I have bills rolling in and not enough to do what I need to do and save money to get into a place. I will probably be moving into a friends garage in June. She can get me on at her work, its a job I know how to do and the garage would just be our bedroom. We would have access to the rest of the house to cook and bathe and that kind of thing. If I get a job there I could then rent the apartment on the other side of her.( she lives in a duplex). Her neighbors are being evicted as I type this.It would only be an hour away from here so I could come around and visit often.It would be closer to Whidbey Island where our cabin is so the kids would be happy with that.Anyway,I guess I had a little bit to say eh. I hope everyone out there in blogville has a wonderful Thursday:)

A SOLDIERS DREAM

Please click on the title and read the post you find there. If you can PLEASE do something to help this soldiers dream come true. He wants to give soccer balls to Iraq's kids. ALL of them!
I am sure that you will be most inspired by reading his blog. Please visit his page and donate a soccer ball or make contacts for him, suggestions are welcome. This is a fantastic way to help the kids of Iraq.....

Some Stuffers

Not to sure what to post about today so I thought I would just do a list. I love lists!!!
Things That Inspire Me:
1) Poetry
2) The laughter of children
3) Driving down the freeway and seeing a house in the distance. I wonder about the lives of the people or person who live there.
4) The sun hitting the water at sunset.
5) Gospel singing, ( The kind you hear in the south)
6) The moon
7) watching animals in the wild
8) great resteraunts
9) washing the dishes
10) Hot showers
11) My sister quitting smoking, I have set a date to try and do the same, I even joined the Amercian Lung Associations Quit Smoking Online Thingy
12) Horse Racing
13) Superstitions
14) Babies
15) The absolute fruitless effort of a fly attempting to get out of a closed window.( they never stop, they just know they want out and they never give up until they die or someone opens the damn window!)
16) Friendship
17) Forgiveness
18) Letting go
19) Symphonies
20) Ballet
21) Eagles Flying
22) Grass growing
23) Mother Nature
24) Survivors
25) Victims of crime who become survivors
26) The elderly
27) Mt. Dew
28) Comics, such as Steve Martin, JIm Carrey, Roseann, Ellen, Ray, Adam Sandler...
29) Writers such as Stephen King, Jean M. Auel, Mercedes Lackey, Anne Rice...
30) Robins taking a bath in a mud puddle
31)The diversity of religions out there and the fact that they are all here for a reason.
32) The comfort I get when my mom holds my hand
33)((((hugs))))
34) All the wonderful people here in blogland
35) Rock Music
36) THe mysterious and marvelous ways in which god works in our lives
37) My kids
38) my dog
39) my cat
40) Mt. Dew
41) Old love and New love, and just Love period
42) suprises
43)People
44) Waking up in the morning and realizing I am still here
45) The wind,and the rain
*******
Something to ponder...
Why in the world was the lady at the grocerie store smiling so broadly as she put cucumbers in her cart one after the other after the other???????

NEW CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are definatley angels working here!
I called my friend K to see if she knew anybody that was selling a car for cheap.She said she didn't but that she would keep an eye out for me. An hour later she calls and says she found two vehicles in the paper and she and G where going to go check them out for me because she lives an hour away and they where in her area..
So an hour later, they called me back, K had driven the car, and G had checked everything out and they where talking to the guy for me.They told me about the car and I told them to tell the guy not to sell the car. G and K drove for an hour to come and pick me up and take me out there to the car.
I bought the car!!! It's an 89 Mercury Sable.There are a few minor problems that need to be fixed but hell thats easy enough. I paid 600.00 for the car.What amazes me about the whole thing is G and K going so far out of there way to help me get this car. Now those are friends! The love has gone both ways for sure,but I never expected that they would do something so sweet.I love you G and K!!!!
~~~~~~~~~
Been busy cleaning all day again. Today we moved everything I have left ( not much) out of the living room and swept and mopped and scrubbed the hard wood floor and the walls and kick boards and all that.Man my muscles ACHEEEEEE. Feels good to have accomplished so much today though. I gotta lay down but I have some blogs to visit!!! I want to see what everyone has been up to today:)
Have a glorious and lovely day all.....

I need a back rub!!!!!

Been working my ass off today, Loading up garbage left behind by others and some of my own old no good stuff. Got rid of an old cracked kiddie pool, man that thing had some memories attached to it! My muscles ache from all the bending and stooping and stretching and reaching and scrubbing and and and. I hurt!!!! But the very air is lighter around here and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It may be a little to soon to tell but I think I have figured out one of the reasons God made it to where Jen was doing me a favor by not going to Ms. I may post about it I may not.
Maybe when I know more for sure.. It would be so nice though to think that I may have a good thing going here..
I hope you all have a wonderful day!

what nots

I have a lot to say, I just don't have the words.
I have been inspired, by so many other's worlds.
It is an amazing thing to me.
That we are all the same.
Different shapes and different possibilities.
Different colors and different experiences.
Yet here we are blood and bone,
flesh and soul.
Equal on every plane.
Mysterious and predictable.
Marvelous, and insane.
I don't know which way to say,
How much each and every precious life.
Has effected me today.
I've sat here at my computer desk laughing at times,
And crying tears of anger and sorrow because
Of some elses pain.
Feeling sorry for myself lately,
I let it pass me by.
There are folks who have it worse out there.
While others have it better.
My jealousies, and anxieties mean nothing,
When stepping back I see,
The wonder of gods plan,
Whats in store for you and me.
Betrayal is but a moment,
Heartache but a stain.
Love is is what lasts forever,
forgiveness is a song best sung,
With no thought of gain.
djy05/14/05

A new car????

Went looking at cars today, ALL damn day! Finally found a few that I wanted and they weren't to expensive but they where a little out of my price range so I kept looking. The last car I looked at that I can afford is a Camaro Burlinetta. I don't know if I will get it tonight or tomarrow or at all. I was only able to stop by and look at it as the gentleman was at work and didn't get off work until 19 minutes ago. I did call him back and let him know that I was interested, he said he would call me when he knew what was going on tonight and let me know if tomarrow morning was better for him.I really hope that he calls me soon. Cuz I really want that car!!!!
Wish me luck folksies!!!!

Something about everything

Well I don't like what has happend, I don't like the way things have gone down or the way I have been treated by people I love and care about. I want to thank everyone here who has left comments or sent emails to me with so much moral support. Right now I really don't know what I would have done with out blogger and the friends I have made here. I thank every one of you from the deepest depths of my soul. You have all touched my heart in immeasurable ways. In speakingof being grateful I would like to mention some other things I am grateful for.
1) The health of my children.
2) The support of my family.
3) Friends that haven't betrayed me.
4) My ever faithful dog daezee.
5) My ability to keep going.
6) Time.
7) The green of the grass.
8) Hot showers.
9) electricity.
10) My HUGE poster of " STING'
11) Cigarettes.
12) Mt Dew.
13) The silver lining in every cloud.
14) Lifes lessons
15) The food in the cupboard
16) I still have my broom!
17) Folks that have come out of the woodwork.
18) Options
19) money in the bank
20) my cell phone
21) Shampoo and Conditioner
22) The sun
23) Oxygen
24) Laughter and people that make it come forth.
25) Forgiveness
26) Boots made for walkin away
27) Memories
28) The Beach
29) Absent Friends
30) THE number one most important: GOD
I don't know how I came up with thirty but I am going to keep thinking and coming up with more. It helps me remember that there are millions of positives for the few weak and puny negatives. God is watching over me, he has sent many angels my way. I can feel him and them around me. I know all be well with my kids and myself because GOD does not fail, and he does not forget. Things will happen that will solve this situation. I just have to figure out where I am going North, or South, East, or West. What town will I be in, what adventure is out there waiting for me and my girls. We are ready. We are strong, We are capable. Lets go already!!!!

Another Post

Right now I am so upset that I cannot speak. I am so angry that my throat literally is in knots. I commented a little bit about it in the following post. Which was posted yesterday evening.
The things that have been happening lately are just throwing me for a loop.
For many years I have lived in this house, paid my bills, and watched my children grow. Along the way I have had many people live with me because they didn't have a roof over there heads and they needed help. Long time friends and friends I have known for just a few years. Every one of them seems to be turning the other way now. Jen even told a slum lord not to rent to me because she is angry or something I just don't even know. She is very angry now however. My dad decided that they all needed to hit the road tonight. The cops where called and the whole shabang. Jen wonderful friend that she was, who claims to love me and my children so much, was so angry when she left ,that she took the liberty of going out of her way to run over my youngest daughters bike. The tire is completly folded over like a damn taco. She says she didn't do this on purpose. She says that she will buy a new tire for the bike. Some how I doubt that THIS will happen. As a matter of fact it would shock the shit out of me if she actually went through with something she said she would do.
I am feeling so betrayed, and alone in the world. And like none of the people I have helped and been there for give a flying rats ass about my children and myself. The only one who tried to help me was Derek. He still has a place for me to go if I can friggin get there. Dilema, should I try to get a little more money, give away basically everything else I have left and get on a plane with my kids. OR should I buy a vehicle and then save some more money and go to Ms. OR should I go just three hundred miles away and get a place with my mother.
If I did the last I would still be close enough to come up and see my parents, sisters, brothers, and extended family. I would still be able to save up money enough to move to Ms at a later time if I decided to go. I am in turmoil and I do not like it one bit. I am angry, confused, hurt, frustrated, and hurting myself right about now somehow seems like it would make me feel better.
I know thats not the case of course but the thought keeps crossing my mind.
I don't like that at all.....
It is 12:21 am and NO ONE is awake for me to call and talk to about all of this.
About an hour ago I called Dereks mom, whom I also call mom. And she told me quite wisely to not worry about what has happend, and to just make a decision about what I WANT to do and do it, screw what everyone else thinks or how they take it. She also told me that my parents cannot make me leave right away, which I also knew. but I don't want to screw up there stuff either. I don't want to FUCK them the way I have been so pleasantly FUCKED, hmm maybe I should say TOSSED eh Cedia?! Yes I think that is quite a nice verb for this situation..
I told Jen tonight after she called and told me what a fat, lazy, worthless person I am, that I trully wish her a million times her intentions. She said " FUCK YOU DENISE". Well golly, if someone wished that for me I would be so grateful!!!!
But then again I have GOOD intentions. I told her that I hope things work out for her and everyone else. And I meant it. I mean just because I am having fantasies of her tires going flat and her truck getting repo'd for her not having insurance... Well color me purple.
It kinda sucks that I know my fathers intentions are to call the very nice people who own the house to tell them they would be crazy to rent to Jen , Veronica, and Ken. As one landlord to another. Well I just don't know what to say about that. A part of me wants to warn Jen because I love her, and another part of me wants to see them all scramble just a bit to try to find something else.
Mean hearted ? Probably, well not really. It's out of my hands and I don't want to interfere. What my dad does is his business and what they do is theirs.
Why should I get involved? Why should I even care? Because I love her. Love does not end just because some one hurts you. It is not a switch that can just be randomly turned on and off like a light. For this I think I will just stay in the dark though. I don't want to get involved in the drama. I have had enough. I am choosing to let go and let god. HE will do what is right.HE will make whatever is to happen happen. I am trying very hard to keep faith right now, can you tell?
I don't even want to go to sleep right now, I am sooo not tired. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted but that won't help the sandman find his way to me.
This entire experience has taught me a lesson I THOUGHT I had learned along time ago. Depend upon only yourself. Do not under any circumstances rely on friends or even family. You are the ONLY one who can help yourself and do what needs to be done for YOU. Joe cowboy that lovely angel of a man is trying to set some help up for me. Such a sweet sweet man he is. I wish I could (((((HUG)))) him right now! I could so use a hug, I think I will go to the Safeway tomarrow with a sign that says " free.. HUGS!" Maybe I will just wander around the store for awhile seeing how many short, or old , or handicapped people I can assist in getting things off the top shelf. Or maybe I should stay here and clean and go to the dump with my dad. He has alot of stuff at his house too. I can probably do more good that way. There are more things that can go to the Goodwill too.
I don't know where I am going, or what I am going to do. But I know that I will be okay. I know I will still take care of my kids, I know that GoD is still with me watching and waiting for me to take his directions. I just wish I could decipher what those directions are exactly. I need a letter with detailed instructions..
Man I am all over the place in this entry, I just re-read it to check spelling and all that. I don't care right now though, and this is how I feel , I needed to get it off my chest and out of my damn head. I feel like an idiot. And have been made a fool. Time to clean house and get down to business and stop feeling sorry for myself. Gotta take a little time to think things through and come up with a plan of action. First things first. Deal with things here in this house. Make smarter choices from now on. That I think is my biggest problem, I am so afraid of making another mistake I am making the biggest mistake of all. NOT choosing, NOT acting. I just don't know what is best and I am afraid to make any damn plans. I also feel like kicking some asses right now and NO I wouldn't mind going to jail one tiny bit. Yes, yes I know. I know. Thats why I am still sitting at this computer writing a post. I was good. I need to be here for my kids. I can't go to jail or allow myself to go nuts and go back to Fairfax all though that would be dreamy.I love the mental hospital we have here. So quite. So stress free. Such Great DRUGS!!!! I know I will feel better once I make a decision. And do it.
Once I am settled again somewhere. Fuck mars would be nice right about now.
Unfortunately there are no internet connections on mars and I can't live without this blog. Its the only release from stress and my only way of relaxing. Because here in blog land I can say exactly how I feel, I can wander all over the place in my posts. I can cuss and be crazy and 99% of bloggers cheer me on. Its acceptable to be who I am. Even if I am more then likely certifiably insane at this moment, someone out there is gonna send me a (((((hug))))) and someone out there is gonna have advice.And someone out there is gonna know exactly how I feel. How I ask can you beat that?!?!
I sure hope you are all doing WAY better then I am. And for everyone who is worse off, I wish things better for you and I pray that wishes come true.

Fuck making Plans

Evidently making plans is not something I should be doing. Evidently relying on friendship is not something I should do. Jen and Chad have now decided that they don't want to live with children, they want to have nice things and are afraid that my children would destroy things. So knowing how they felt. (after digging for gold up there asses) (I finally got some answers) I decided that I don't want my kids living in a place where they feel like they can't breathe, where they can't move, and where they aren't allowed in the living room. So Jen gave me the 250 back and I am now fucked again. On the upside Ken and Veronica are going to be just fine because they are going to live with Jen and Chad at the house. My head hurts. My ass hurts from all the fuckin and my stomach is in a knot. I have money in the bank, but not enough to get plane tickets for all four of us and the dog. Or train tickets even. I refuse to take a bus with three kids across country, because for some reason I insist on holding on to the minute amount of sanity I have retained so far. I can buy a vehicle, and go from house to house for a couple of months until I have enough money for gas and hotels and stuff and then go to Ms. Or I can go from house to house for a couple of months until my momma D and I get enough moola together to get a place in southern Washington. Now I don't know what to do, I don't know if I should make anymore plans. I think flying by the seat of my pants has become a damn habbit. All this rollercoaster shit has made me nauseated.
I feel like I am banging my head against a wall. It amazes me that Jen and Chad don't see anything wrong with what they are doing. Come to find out, Jen asked Veronica if she wanted to live there before she even said a word to me. I just don't know how it is that Jen thinks this is a nice thing to do. Or how she could think I would still want to be her friend after this. Ever since she got her a new man she has been fucking everything up with me. First it was deciding not to go, therefore Derek said we could do the business up here, he had even given her 460$ to make sure she could make her truck payment. So he told her to go ahead and use that money to help US get into a place. He is pretty pissed off at her at this point. And disapointed in her. My sister T wants to beat her into the ground. I just want to know what the hell I am doing, which way am I going. WHAT I should be doing...
Now I am homeless again, and car less, and furniture less. I have pretty much nothing. What I do have can be put in storage, til I figure out where the hell I need to go. And what the hell I need to do. Ya'll probably think I am crazy, and that I have nothing but drama in my life. Well your all right, every one of you!
Right now I am craZY with drama. I hate this, I want my nice quite life back. Just me and the kids and my car, and my pets, and my stuff.
I HAVE to move because the house is pretty much sold now. And its going to be torn down so there is no renting it or the other house from the buyer.
I can't live with my parents because they are going to go live with my aunt for a month or so. I believe they are out making an offer on a house right now. Not sure, but that will take time anyway, and being 34 with three kids, well the rents don't want to live with us! HELLO!
This seriously sucks and I am sooooo ready to just tell Jen and Veronica and Ken to get the hell OUT of my house right now!!! It is sooooo incredibly hard not to FUCK them as hard as they have fucked me. They well one of them even called the landlord of that piece of shit house and told him not to rent to me because of Pan. That she is the one that did that at the school and they think she is dangerous to others. So he won't even rent the upstairs of the house to me.
GOD I am sooo angry and it just doesn't feel good to be this mad. Anger doesn't suit me well. I don't get mad like this very often at all. But I tell you what, I might just be capable of murder at this point...... Well not really but its a nice thought at this moment. FUCK, FUCK, FUCKITY, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!!!!!

Winds of Change

It is amazing to me, how quickly things can change. Minds, circumstances, underwear...
Yesterday I was going to be fucked royally. Homeless even.
Carless, and minus a cherished friend.
Today, we saw a house.
A very large one story house, with a semi mother in law apartment at the back of it. In town, small lot, 5 bedrooms.
PERFECT! We looked, we saw, we called, we met the landlord, we gave him info, he checked us out, called us back, took some money, we move in this weekend!!!!!!
I am so very, very, very, very, relieved. The kids will have a roof over their heads, a very nice roof to boot, and there own little rooms! And a huge playroom/rec room. Daezee will have a small fenced in yard area to run around in and not get hit by a car. Its close to everything still. Washer and dryer hookups, wood burning stove..(HUGE ASS SIGH)
I just cannot express how much better I feel, yes it means that it will be longer before I get a car. But that is okay,
I would much rather have the place to live. Earlier today all I could do was cry, and try not to vomit. I was so upset I didn't even want to get out of bed. Believe me I am going to be stuffing money away for just in case, cover my ass kinda rainy day fund. Just in case I need to purchase plane, train, or bus tickets. Or I need gas to get somewhere far,far away.
I am not EVER going to be caught in a position like this again..
Sorry about the ah, language of yesterdays post. Anger and I do not mix well. At least it doesn't happen often.
Today is now a much better day so I am HAPPY !:):)
Have a wonderful evenin and mornin all.

When someone is going to FUCK you up your ass HARD with a VOLKSWAGON they should AT LEAST bring some LUBE.......

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!
This mothers day I would like to express how much I appreciate both of my mothers, how much I admire single moms, and single dads who do it all on there own with no help from anyone.
First, to my mom who adopted me when I was three days old. You took me home and treated me as if I was your own. You kissed my boo boo's and held me when I had nightmares. You gave me everything I needed and taught me right from wrong. You gave me love and comfort when I was young. When I grew up you comforted me when good friends died young, taught me that first loves don't last forever, and held me while I cried for a month because I had to put my horse down. When I got married the first time and didn't invite you, you had a reception for me anyway. When I had my first child you where right there holding my hand, then you where full of advice I didn't take, but I appreciated it anyway. When my first marriage fell apart you where the one who told me to come home. Every time I had a problem you where there to yell and tell me how dumb I was and then help me out however you could.
I love you mom, thank you so much for everything you have done, and everything you haven't.
For my Birth mother Donna, I thank you for giving me life and letting me go, even though you didn't know that's what you where doing, it turned out for the best for everyone. Thankyou for being my friend and mother now, Knowing you for the past 13 years has been an absolute joy. Thank you for your love and support and lack of judgement. I love you mother.
For all those single moms out there, moms that feel like there single even though there not, working moms, and stay at home moms, and moms that don't have a clue. You are all priceless and appreciated even if you don't feel it.
For all those single dads out there HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! You deserve it, its not easy for a man to be mom, and yet you all do it so well.
For everyone who has ever given birth to a tiny helpless being and let the child go to someone you knew or didn't know. God bless you and thankyou and WOW you are soooo much stronger then I could ever be.
For those of you who raised a child for awhile and then something happend to where you could no longer take care of your baby or someone took it from you, I am sorry for your pain, especially on this day. Some where out there someone is loving you and missing you.
Much love to every mom and every dad, the job you are doing is hard, it is stressfull, it is worth every single moment, every breath and every heart beat..... Have a great day!

Thought Provoking from Wanda of Just Breathe

1) Do you believe in a higher power? I do indeed! God and Goddess are very prevelent in my life.
2) Are good and evil just concepts, or real powers in the universe? Hmm I believe in good and bad, not evil. Evil is just a word, a thought, and action on the part of some human being out there with out a full set if you know what I mean...
3) What is your view on forgiveness? I believe in the power of forgiveness to the nth power. Forgiving isn't just about letting go of something that happend that caused pain or harm or sadness . It is also about not being a victim, about loving enough to let go.Forgiveness is an attitude, a feeling, and action, and a relief.
4) Do organized religions do more harm then good? Hmm... I believe that everything happens for a reason and that everything exists for a reason. There is something to be learned from organized religion.. Good or bad the lesson is there for the taking.
5) If you had a day to spend being god,what would you do?
I am perfectly happy being the Queen, I feel no need to take gods job!!! He does it very very well don't you think!

Great friends!

I think you all know how frustrated I am with BIbs right now, right?
Well I tell you what, that girl is one hell of a friend. Who else would drive me and my sister and brother an hour and half away because our mom was in the hospital, who else would stay the entire time of five hours to drive us back home again? probably no one. Who else would offer to buy me a car to replace the one I lost because she told me to sell it because she wanted to go and then changed her mind. Probably no one!
Come to think of it, she is the only one who has been there no matter what. She was married with her own life, a job to go to and we had been fighting, but when my ex kidnapped my kids and took them to Oregon she was the one who drove my happy ass to Oregon to go to the courthouse to get the order to get my kids back. She lost her job because she took that day off to go. She paid for some of the paper work that I had to have, even though I had an order from Washington and custody in Wa. I had to have custody in Oregon too. Which I got thankyou very much!!!
She is the one who while living in Eastern Wa, drove seven hours to see me just for the heck of it while I was living in Ryderwood Wa. She is also the one who paid for a U_ haul and packed up all my shit when I had to leave a bad situation. Trust me when I tell you that I have been there for her too. I don't think either one of us could count all the ways we have been there for eachother.
We have also hurt eachother by saying or doing dreadful things.
She is my best friend, she is my sister, part of my family. I don't know what I would do without her. I am not angry with her for not going to Ms. I am upset that I lost everything I owned to go and then she changed her mind. Tonight my friend Chad, and her new boyfriend ( the reason she decided not to go) told me that he would buy me a new car. I told him that was very sweet but It would take me forever to pay him back. And then Nej told me not to worry about it. She would pay him back because I lost my car because of her decision not to tell me of her doubts when I had asked her again and again if she was sure before I sold my car, because I wouldn't sell it if she wasn't going to go. What a wonderful friend and what a completely unexpected thing for her to do. I just love her soooo much and I just had to tell you all, all about the amazing person that she is:)

I am like-really confused

I don't know what to think. I may possibly be losing my mind. Bibs and I went to talk to a man about a house. He wanted 700$ a month for it. There is a HUGE ass gap in the ceiling of the bathroom, and another smaller hole. In the living room ceiling there are holes. There is an old fireplace, covered over in pressboard and fake brick and someone at some point decided to try to break into it and maybe start a fire. There is NO chimney people! The idiocy of such a thing boggles my mind. There are hard wood floors in the living room that have seen WAY better days and he didn't want to carpet them or put any work into refurbishing them.The carpet in the hallway had pretty much been painted white. In the closet in the hallway there was still garbage from the previous tenant. Also in the living room was a book case and an entertainment center from same. The oven is gas and is maybe as big as a large shoe box. Pathetic, the back yard was nicely fenced in but the grass was up to my hips and I am not a short person! Also in the backyard was the access to the basement. the cement stairway cut into the middle of the yard but he didn't want me to put a fence up around it. There were like ten baby gates strung together and wrapped partially around the steps, his comment to me was that I should just straighten out the gate and then call it good. He refused to show us the basement. And he wanted a two hundred dollar damage deposit. I tell ya what dude, you give me two hundred dollars and I'll send the big bad wolf over to blow the place down...It wouldn't take more then one big breath. The floors where tilting and mushy, the walls (no shit!) MOVED when you leaned against them.....JEBUS CHRIBIST. NO WAY !!!!
I wouldn't move in there if you paid me a million dollars a day for the next 50 years.
On the upswing he said he would take it off the rent if we made any improvements and we would only have to pay a 75$ pet deposit for three cats and a dog. Catch this though. The reason he wanted a 200$ damage deposit was because of how many people would be living there! Hmm yes we will pee on the floor to mark out our territory...
This guy is an idiot. I offered to give him 500$ a month and the 75$ deposit, But because I was going to put carpet in and fix some stuff that is ALL I would pay and the first month had to be prorated. NOPE, he says 675$ a month, prorated, you pay for the carpet and 200$ deposit. Frickin idiot. Well I wish him luck. I am confused as to how this guy thinks for one minute that the house shouldn't be condemned. Stupid fucking Jerk!!!!
Now I don't have any clue what to frickin do. The only thing I can think of is to talk to my parents and see if we can stay here for a few months or whatever until we find a suitable place where we will all be safe. And where all the animals will be accepted.
In the meantime everything is on hold.

OOodles Of Noodles and More...!!!

Hi, this is Noodles, my Woman, DL is supposed to be here as a guest but I snuck in here to see if I could find anything interesting to get into.

Gee, I wonder what that S.S.S. thing is on the side there? I wonder if it’s something wiggly I could play with? I'll have to check that out later.

I had a very busy day today. I started this morning, crying at the Woman for some food, of course, she obeys my every command and soon my dish was full. After eating a bit, I got distracted by my ball with the bell inside and decided to chase it, but when I came back to my dish it was empty, the stupid dog ate my food. Someday I will be big enough to get even with that dog.

Then I decided to jump up on the kitchen counter. The woman really hates when I get up there so I have to go up there when she is not looking. Uh Oh, I knocked the plant off the window sill, she is going to be real mad! Maybe if I jump down quick before she sees, she won’t realize that it was me and she’ll blame the dog.

Then the Woman went into that cold basement, a few minutes later she brought up THAT BOX. The one that I came home in from the pet store. I like playing in the box, but then sometimes the Woman puts me in there and closes it and then she takes me and puts me inside this big machine that growls real loud. I hate the big machine, it scares me and I cry. I think the big machine wants to eat me.

When she takes me in the big machine, it’s usually to take me to the Vet. I don’t like the Vet, even though he talks nice to me and pets me, I usually get poked with something sharp when I am not looking, I think it is the Vet man’s claws and it really makes my butt hurt.

If I would have known that was where she was taking me, I would have ran and hid somewhere where the Woman wouldn’t be able to find me!! And this time the Vet man poked me twice!!! Ouch, ouch, ouch!!!

When we got back home, I was really mad at the Woman, so I decided to pull some pranks. The first thing I did was learn how to turn the Big Black Box on, a little box was sitting on the table, so I knocked it off onto the floor, and stepped on the buttons. Now I can watch the Big Black Box whenever I feel like it. The Woman took it from me though and turned it off.

So I decided to jump on the Woman’s lap and see if I could sneak up on the desk and steal some pens. But she pushed me down, so I decided to race around the house and see what else I could have fun with. The dog was sleeping so I decided to pounce on her ear and see if she would get up and play with me, but she only rolled over on her back. Stupid, stupid dog. Then I went upstairs to see if there was anything I could play with up there, I went in the bathroom and played with the white paper for a while, shredding pieces off onto the floor. And then I found a little plastic thing on the floor and chased that around for a while.

After a while, I got very sleepy and decided to find a nice spot to take a nap on. I like the dog’s sleepy pillow, it’s so soft and comfy, so I laid on it, which makes the dog mad and then she bothers me. So I left and went upstairs to hide and sleep for a while. It was so cool, the Woman left her bedroom door open so I went in and slept on the big bed, I love sleeping there, even though I am not supposed to.

Now I am awake again, and looking for something to do, so here I am...uh oh, here comes my Woman!!! I better go!! Bye!!!!


"Noodles!! What are you doing up there? Scat!!! Shoo!!!" Oooh, that cat, she is always up to trouble with a big, fat, capital T. So what was she up to here? Looking to mess up the queen's blog more than likely. Hmmmph.

Wow, looks like the queen isn't moving after all, after all that work and all. Well, I hope she's ok with it, after all being all psyched up about moving, I am sure it must be somewhat of a let down. Sometimes it's a real bummer when things don't happen the way we plan. But when things don't work out like we want, there is usually because there is something bigger and better in the works for us.

Well, anyway, I want to thank the queen for having Noodles and I here, it was a blast!!!

DL

Change in plans holy crap!!!!!Not again!!!

Welcome to my world. the world of people changing there frickin minds!
Plans have changed drastically. We are no longer moving to Mississippi or Florida we are staying here and hopefully will be moving just up the road.
This is ridiculous. But it is also true. I have sold my car and given away all my belongings for the most part, and given away pets to prepare for a long ass move. Prepared myself and my children to be far away from everyone and everything we have ever known just to have plans change. We are now going to do the business here and Derek is going to move here in a year or so. He is just going to do the jobs whenever he is here dropping off loads. And he is going to do it there in Florida. So that is the story of my life. So I no longer need multiple guest bloggers, I have asked dl if she would guest for me tomarrow as I will be very busy tomarrow and probably the next day. I don't know if she will have the time. I asked her to let me know. So if you see her here don't be surprised:)
Well I am sure that you will all have alot to say about this, and alot of questions. I am more then happy to answer them. I am not really sure why this all came about this way. Apperently God just felt that I needed to offload a bunch of stuff because other people needed it and I didn't.
Which that is great with me. When that happens it just tells me that there is something out there that I am supposed to have and I needed to make room for it. Well no that I have shocked the crap out of everyone I have to pee so I am gonna go..... ARRGGGG sometimes my life confuses me.......