Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Fuck making Plans

Evidently making plans is not something I should be doing. Evidently relying on friendship is not something I should do. Jen and Chad have now decided that they don't want to live with children, they want to have nice things and are afraid that my children would destroy things. So knowing how they felt. (after digging for gold up there asses) (I finally got some answers) I decided that I don't want my kids living in a place where they feel like they can't breathe, where they can't move, and where they aren't allowed in the living room. So Jen gave me the 250 back and I am now fucked again. On the upside Ken and Veronica are going to be just fine because they are going to live with Jen and Chad at the house. My head hurts. My ass hurts from all the fuckin and my stomach is in a knot. I have money in the bank, but not enough to get plane tickets for all four of us and the dog. Or train tickets even. I refuse to take a bus with three kids across country, because for some reason I insist on holding on to the minute amount of sanity I have retained so far. I can buy a vehicle, and go from house to house for a couple of months until I have enough money for gas and hotels and stuff and then go to Ms. Or I can go from house to house for a couple of months until my momma D and I get enough moola together to get a place in southern Washington. Now I don't know what to do, I don't know if I should make anymore plans. I think flying by the seat of my pants has become a damn habbit. All this rollercoaster shit has made me nauseated.
I feel like I am banging my head against a wall. It amazes me that Jen and Chad don't see anything wrong with what they are doing. Come to find out, Jen asked Veronica if she wanted to live there before she even said a word to me. I just don't know how it is that Jen thinks this is a nice thing to do. Or how she could think I would still want to be her friend after this. Ever since she got her a new man she has been fucking everything up with me. First it was deciding not to go, therefore Derek said we could do the business up here, he had even given her 460$ to make sure she could make her truck payment. So he told her to go ahead and use that money to help US get into a place. He is pretty pissed off at her at this point. And disapointed in her. My sister T wants to beat her into the ground. I just want to know what the hell I am doing, which way am I going. WHAT I should be doing...
Now I am homeless again, and car less, and furniture less. I have pretty much nothing. What I do have can be put in storage, til I figure out where the hell I need to go. And what the hell I need to do. Ya'll probably think I am crazy, and that I have nothing but drama in my life. Well your all right, every one of you!
Right now I am craZY with drama. I hate this, I want my nice quite life back. Just me and the kids and my car, and my pets, and my stuff.
I HAVE to move because the house is pretty much sold now. And its going to be torn down so there is no renting it or the other house from the buyer.
I can't live with my parents because they are going to go live with my aunt for a month or so. I believe they are out making an offer on a house right now. Not sure, but that will take time anyway, and being 34 with three kids, well the rents don't want to live with us! HELLO!
This seriously sucks and I am sooooo ready to just tell Jen and Veronica and Ken to get the hell OUT of my house right now!!! It is sooooo incredibly hard not to FUCK them as hard as they have fucked me. They well one of them even called the landlord of that piece of shit house and told him not to rent to me because of Pan. That she is the one that did that at the school and they think she is dangerous to others. So he won't even rent the upstairs of the house to me.
GOD I am sooo angry and it just doesn't feel good to be this mad. Anger doesn't suit me well. I don't get mad like this very often at all. But I tell you what, I might just be capable of murder at this point...... Well not really but its a nice thought at this moment. FUCK, FUCK, FUCKITY, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!!!!!

No comments: