Okay its been 26 hours now, actually its been 26 hours and 43 minutes and 5,6, 7, 8,...seconds.
I am actually doing pretty good at the moment. I think its cuz the kids are asleep and I am just sitting here in the semi silence. The only sounds are the t.v. the whirrrr of the computer tower and the clackity clickety of the keys as I type. It shocked me this evening when I went back through what I had eaten today.. SOOOOO much candy, two platefuls of dinner, and an entire bag of terryaki beef jerky. ( god I love that stuff) I would still be eating candy if I had any. I had like 5 pieces of licorice and a half pound of peanut m&m's..... I am gonna get fatterrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I know it will just be a temporary thing. I have also drank like twenty gallons of water today.
I think the reason I ate two platefuls of dinner is because I could actually smell it.. and therefore taste it. I know that it is just gonna get better too, I am looking forward to that for sure.
Today has been crazy. At the end of the day I decided that I can do this, I know I will be a bit cranky and all that but in the end I will be healthier and my kids won't be breathing in poisons that I put in the air. Talk about child abuse sheesh!!!!!! I don't want my kids to have health problems because I was a dumbass for so long. I figure if I quit now there is a better chance for all of us to be healthier. I pray they don't have anything wrong with them now or when they get older for any reason at all. I feel this tightness in my chest when I think of how much I have endangered the kids up to this point. Yeah I quit for two years once, and seven months, and a few months here and there. And stupidly I went back to it for no reason at all other then I wanted to. GOD I am such an ass hat! Well no more! Never again will a cigarette touch my lips.
Never again will I inhale those noxious fumes. Never again will I exhale those same noxious fumes into the air which my children breathe. There is at this moment a sign on my front door that says NO SMOKING! And PLEASE REMOVE YOUR SHOES!
Lynnie wrote it, I should use her exact spelling.. let me get it...oh it says NO Smohkeng insidee ecept mommy, tacke off ur shoes ore my mommy and grammy will kik ur butt!!!!
THen there is a picture of the front door and a pile of shoes in front of it.. I am gonna have to ask her to make a new sign that says not even mommy can smoke in the house. Mommy cannot smoke at all, EVER again. I am almost ready to post about why this is so important to me now.
Just gotta wait til I can get through it without crying to much.
Pray for me and send me carrot sticks!!!!!!