Sunday, May 22, 2005

my forehead says WELCOME

Seriously I have a sign on my forehead that says WELCOME.
What is it with me?? I have no clue. I really don't . I guess I just like to get used.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind folks coming over to do their laundry, everybody needs to have clean clothes. But um EXCUSE ME, please don't use up my laundry soap and Downy and dryer sheets and then act pissy when I ask you to replace them...HELLOOOOOOOOOO
I mean come on. If I was to need to go to MY friends house to do laundry I would bring my own soap and stuff. And if for some reason I didn't I would make arrangements beforehand to replace what I used within a day or two. Thats all I am asking. Don't leave me, with out. Why should my children and I have dirty clothes, I am the one who owns the washer and dryer!!!!
We are moving to Anecortes at the end of June. I don't want to stay in Marysville, I can get a great job in Anecortes with K and all that, and Amanda wouldn't have to go to school with kids that are gonna basically kick her ass every other day because of what she did. I think it would just be the best thing for my kids to get out of this area. Marysville has just gotten to be so "BIG," like its citified. I don't like that, I want the kids to grow up in a smaller community.
I am freezing my ass off! I don't know why but lately I just CANNOT get warm.
I think it might be stress related or the fact that I just quit smoking and my body is trying to figure out what the hell is going on without the nicotine. Jaimie and Brandon came to do laundry today and they both smoke and it didn't even faze me to know they had cigs, to know they where smoking on the back porch.. Notta!!! I just really don't want to smoke ......
I talked to K yesterday and she was bored, said she didn't have any friends so I told her to get a blog!!! She said she might but she doesn't know what she would say. I told her she always has lots to say, she just needs to type it out, which might actually save her ass since she loves to gossip, this way she could blog about it and no- one would know but me, and since I always know it woudn't matter.... She just laughed and said she would have to see what blogs are all about first.
I want to lay down in my bed again and watch a movie. I have seen all my movies at least 50 times so I don't know which to watch for a 51st time. UG, sometimes I hate choices.
I want to say something intelligent and unforgetable, I just don't have it in me lately, even my comments on other blogs have been on the lame and stupid side. And I can't spell worth a crap either, I forget over half of what I want to say, or blog about. I feel "numb" and " flat"
Thats more then likely not a good sign. After everything that has happend recently I could totally understand why a depression would come over me. But I don't want that to happen. I am trying to avoid it. I don't think its working.....I don't know, I have to force myself to get out of bed, I have to push myself to get into the shower, I have to drag myself to the sink to wash the dishes. I want to stay in my bed all day and never leave it, I want to hide there away from life and all that is good and all that is terrible. If I cover my head with the blanket perhaps I can shut out the life around me........


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